


Grasping Shadows

by BlairDrakko



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers: Prime
Genre: Adventure & Romance, Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Feels, F/M, Femme Megatron, Frame transfer, Intrigue, Love/Hate, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, PoW, Rating May Change, Redemption, Spark transfers, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:47:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 44,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22901182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlairDrakko/pseuds/BlairDrakko
Summary: This is an AU (sort of) that consists of a devastating attack on Megatron and his team from the Autobot forces on Cybertron.As fires burn and his leader suffers a wound that would ether kill him or leave him at the Autobot's torture, Soundwave makes a desperate choice.To save his Lord he transfers Megaton's spark into a new frame; a small, gentle femme that used to be known as Stardust...The sacrifice will not only alter Megaton's world but Optimus's as he finds her dying frame after the attack and takes her into his care, never knowing it is the supposedly dead Megatron that resides inside now...Thus a new path of destiny expands.Both leaders will face the realities of the war they fight through this unexpected change, both shall face their weaknesses and perhaps, find their true selves because of it.
Relationships: Jazz/Prowl, Megatron/Optimus Prime, Megatron/Orion Pax
Comments: 55
Kudos: 64





	1. Changes

Fire crackled around him, the sharp whine of metal collapsing ringing in his audials, his vents were ragged and choked with smoke but still, Soundwave dug.

**_Lord Megatron…_ **

His digits were bleeding at this point, more from digging through the rubble than the earlier explosion. He had been at this merely kliks and yet with every moment that passed it may have been more like a lifetime.

Megatron was dying, slowly being crushed to death under this mountain of scrap and if he wasn’t pulled out soon the Decepticons would be in need of a new leader.

**_Negative, Soundwave prevail. Soundwave save Lord Megatron!_ **

As the spybot dug he also cursed himself, blamed himself for insisting to be on this mission even though many of his systems were still malfunctioning. If only he had been at optimal form they would have never been so vulnerable to such an attack!

 _He_ did this, _he_ allowed this destruction to befall his teammates, his officers, Megatron…

Soundwave's optics narrowed under his mask as another piece of metal bit deeply into his aching servos but he pushed past the pain.

He was running out of time.

Not only was Megatron dying under him but the Autobots were sure to arrive soon, to bask in the glory of their mission’s success and if they found Megatron while doing so...

He would _not_ let that happen.

“Uhhhh…”

For a moment the dark mech’s spark skipped as he heard a groan, his optics going wide and cabling finding renewed strength with that hope.

_**Megatron!?** _

He grabbed onto the sides of a particularly large slab of stone, snarling as his legs shook under the weight of it but, like everything now, he ignored their pain and pulled upwards.

“Arrrrgh!” The slab was heavy, heavy enough where he would have struggled with it even if he hadn’t just been through an explosion but his desperation guided him, lent him determination and with one final grunt he pushed the massive form over and looked down.

“M-Mega…” He started, wiping the ash and soot from the front of his mask as two blurry red optics looked back up at him.

“S-sorry t-to d-disappoint…” Starscream stammered up at him through ragged sounding coughs.

Soundwave _was_ disappointed with his find but made no note of it as he reached down and took the seeker’s arm. “Lord Megatron remains lost. Starscream must assist…”

The Seeker chuckled bitterly. “S-Soundwave, l-look at m-me. What a-assistance d-do you possibly th-think I could p-provide?” He asked, a sarcastic tone in his voice like usual only Soundwave had to agree that this time, it seemed warranted.

He had been so focused on the need to find Megatron that he hadn’t properly observed his First in Command’s dilapidated condition.

Starscream's upper torso seemed mostly intact but his legs had been crushed by the slab that Soundwave had just moved, one looking as if it was only held on by a servoful of wires.

His disappointment grew, as did his desperation at the sight.

_**Broken, too many...** _

Soundwave lifted his helm, his mask reflecting the fires and sparking remains of the building they were in.

He had failed so completely.

They had been on a peaceful mission really, here to retain supplies from some sympathetic civilians. Not everyone hated the Decepticons!

In fact, many supported their cause, especially the lower caste but the propaganda coming from Iacon and its Senators was powerful. As the war progressed there were less and less Cybertronians that were willing to stand up for their liberty for fear of the elites.

As he looked around himself now Soundwave felt his spark clench as he found not only dead Decepticons littered around him but dozens of the poor citizens that had been trying to help them... Megatron would be furious.

IF he could find the mech.

The lithe mech shook his helm, focusing on his grisly job once more and wishing his back hadn’t been blown to slag in the explosion.

This would be so much easier to dig through if his cables still functioned but, as it was now, his plating seemed to have melted to the point where none of them could push out of their sockets… He was left with only his digits to dig.

To dig through all of this...

Starscream coughed once more, the smaller mech’s optics flickering as he pointed east of his position. “L-Last seen him th-there…” He grated out, venting in wetly before he let his arm drop and leaned back in exhaustion.

Soundwave nodded and began the arduous task of climbing over to where the other mech had pointed. 

He was halfway there when a beep sounded in his audial and a message popped up through his HUD, it was from Laserbeak.

Luckily the symbiote had far less damage than the rest of them and was currently scouting around the ruined structure in case the Autobots arrived faster than Soundwave estimated.

He vented in deeply before opening her message, fearing it would just add to the mountain of responsibilities he had on his shoulders right now.

Apparently he was right as its contents blazed to life in front of him and he swore angrily.

The Autobots were on route and he had maybe half a breem to find Megatron, stabilize him as best he could, and then drag both he and Starscream out before they arrived.

He peered over his shoulder at Starscream once he made it to his destination.

 _ **Well, if I only carried one I might have more time..**_. He mused but he could consider that option deeper once he found his leader.

Finally he made it to the area Starscream pointed out and he vented out as he fell to his knees once more. 

_**Must find... Soundwave find...**_ He watched his bloody digits drip energon with every stone he moved, or panel he freed but still, he found not a trace of the silver mech.

Nano-seconds turned to kliks, his servos now shaking so badly they could hardly move the scrap away, nevermind how slippery they were, but still he dug.

**_Megatron, please? My Lord… They are coming._ **

Finally after far too long he saw a glimmer of silver plating, silver not grey, and the usually sent mech almost cheered in relief. He had found Megatron at long last and the mech was still alive!

He dug faster then, slowly uncovering his leader’s arm, over to his chest and then, his battered helm.

“Lord Megatron?” He called out to the mech, still digging as he did so. He had precious little time to work and given the amount of damage to his leader’s form and mountain of rubble that still covered him he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to finish his task.

“LORD MEGATRON!” He tried again as the larger mech remained unresponsive, his helm rising to stare at his leader just to blink in surprise when he noticed Megatron was lying in a rather strange position considering he had just been bombed.

_**S-strange...** _

He wasn’t lying straight out and it didn’t appear he had just limply rolled into place no, no he was curled around something…

Almost like he was protecting it, whatever it was.

Soundwave’s curiosity got the best of him as he clambered up the other mech’s frame, noticing a hint of gold shimmering from inside the protective shield of Megatron’s body and suddenly it clicked.

It was the civilian femme that had orchestrated the trade for them. He didn’t spend his precious time trying to remember her designation but did notice how, even though Megatron tried to save her from the blast the femme was fading and fading fast though he couldn’t understand why.

Between the two of them Megatron looked far worse off, his frame a mass of bloody torn plating but she, she looked merely bruised so why…

“Uuuhhh… S-Soundwave?”

Megatron’s guttural moan jolted Soundwave from his observation of the femme and he smiled behind his mask as his leader’s red optics creaked open, well, one of them did at least.

“Lord Megatron, explosion. Autobots on route. Escape primary mission.” He told the other mech quickly, throwing more rubble away as his leader got his bearings.

Megatron grunted, his frame feeling icy cold and yet boiling hot at the same time. He tired to bring up his damage report but only garbled nonsense blinked back at him.

 ** _W-wait… S-Stardust…_** He thought, remembering the little femme that had been with him just as the bomb hit them. He had heard it just moments before it crashed through the ceiling, that whistle something he knew well enough now but it had been too late, too close by the time any of them noticed it and then…

Then came the blast.

He had jumped at her, wrapping his frame around her small one as he flew through the air just to crash into something a few moments later and the blackness of stasis found him.

 ** _Did, did I save her? Is… IS she al-alright?_** He wondered, his spark breaking for the kind femme who had done so much for his people, his cause and how does he repay her?

By making her a target.

**_Fucking Autobots! Accursed filth will bomb anything these days, even civilians quarters!_ **

His one functioning optic kept filling with static as he looked down so he wasn’t absolutely clear if he still held the femme but he did feel something warm in his arms…

Warm, but growing cooler by the klik.

“S-Stardust…” He whispered, his voice gruff from smoke and pain. He shifted his arm a bit, grimacing as a torrent of dust and bits of metal fell from it and clanked against the femme’s plating.

Stardust coughed a bit, her helm rising to his and she smiled weakly up at him. “M-Meg*at*ron…”

He smiled sadly back at her. “W-we n-need to get you out of… Uuuuuh!” He cried out as Soundwave tried to move a large piece of rubble away and felt the pressure in his lower abdomen increase.

Soundwave immediately froze. “Apologies Lord Megatron.”

Megatron wheezed as the pain subsided, his optics moving down to where the injury seemed to originate. “S-Soundwave… I… I am i-impaled. _Damnit_ …”

Soundwave’s optics bulged under his mask. **_Impaled? Where?_** He wondered as he carefully crawled over some larger pieces of debris and finally found what was hurting his Lord so badly.

 ** _Oh no…_** Soundwave growled as he took in the image before him. It seemed not only was Megatron lying under a larger section of the inner wall of the ‘former’ building, but that one of its metal support beams had slid right through the silver mech’s side, all the way through his abdominal plating and was now embedded deep in the foundation below…

Unless he could somehow saw through the bar, or pull it out without killing Megatron, the warlord was stuck.

Soundwave lifted his helm from the grisly scene to find Megatron not focused on his own injury but the femme he held.

“S-Stardust, you, you a-are sh-shaking…” He noted, his one optics dimming as the femme’s color began to grey.

She laughed brokenly at his statement. “S-spa*rk i-issues… Sin*ce c-cr-creati*on…”

Soundwave tilted his helm thoughtfully. He had heard many of the lower caste mechs had spark problems. Though less common in Kaon where most of the slaves there were cared for well becasue of the credits they provided their Masters, in the other lower cities 'spark sickness' raged through the populations.

Its strength only grew as limited, low-grade fuel became the staple for the families living in the slums. Nevermind the working conditions many had to suffer through… It was a matter that Megatron had addressed that first time he had gone to the Senate so long ago but, they had ignored his pleas.

They had been more concerned about baiting the furious mech, mocking him, and belittling him so that all the world would only see him as this ignorant fool.

Megatron was NO fool, any who knew him could tell you that in an instant but unfortunately his temper…

The Senate hadn’t considered his rage ending that meeting instead of the intended humiliation, the silver mech damn near burned down the entire Justice Quarter of Iacon before leaving but… In the end they got what they wanted from the mech, a show, and they used his destruction to recruit many to their cause…

Megatron regretted that mistake to this day.

Soundwave frowned as the femme’s frame shuddered and he sent a private message to his leader. **/Femme unrepairable. Frame intact, spark too weak./**

Megatron’s growl was the only indication the mech received the message. “S-Soundwave… H-How many f-function?” He asked instead, holding the small frame closer as he tried to peer around them.

“Starscream functions, another civilian observed but symptoms mirror femmes. Will not last.” He reported, peering over at the other bot he had spotted in the beginning of his search. It was a massive war-frame yet, from what he knew of the mech, he had been adamantly against killing so he worked with others to merely provide supplies for the fighters…

He had also mentioned something about learning medicine once the war ended. Soundwave knew the mech wouldn’t last the night.

Megatron growled louder, the sound quickly turning to a moan as a spurt of energon erupted from his side. He too was running out of time, in more way than one.

**_Autobots c-coming… S-Stuck… They will get me th-this time… Damnit all._ **

He peered weakly up at Soundwave. “G-Get Stardust and, and S-Starscream c-clear. Y-you g-go… L-Leave me…”

Soundwave snarled and shook his helm. “Negative. Megatron helpless in current state. Ability to defend self compr…”

“I know the situation SOUNDWAVE!” The silver mech bellowed, his vents rasping before he began to cough violently and blood erupted from his intake.

The darker mech keened at the sight, his processor reeling over how he could fix the situation, how he could save his Lord from being taken into Autobot custody.

He knew what horrors would await the mech there, he had seen what they do to Class 1 enemies and it, it was sickening.

They may pretend to be the saviors of Cybertron to the rest of the world but the Decepticons knew that not all Autobots were as honorable as their Prime.

In fact, many wondered if Optimus even knew what was going on in the dark corners of his precious faction. If he did he was either very good at ignoring such travesties or, far less noble than he seemed.

Either way, were they to get ahold of Megatron his downfall would be slow, meticulous, agonizing, and the likes of which no one had ever experienced before.

Soundwave would NOT let that happen!

He began digging again as his Lord snarled at him.

“D-Damnit S-Soundwave! G-go! G-GO!” The silver mech roared, pushing weakly at the darker bot but it only made him bleed all the faster.

Soundwave continued to ignore the order, his frame feeling too sluggish for such a rushed task. He ripped pieces off of Megatron like a mad mech, ignoring the warning messages that filled his screen until he finally just shut off the programs that fed them.

He knew he was injured, he knew he was overheating, he knew the Autobots were too close but he, HE HAD TO DO THI…

“ARRRGH!” Soundwave's vocalizer crackled to life in a scream before he could even stop it as, after grabbing a particularly jagged bit of sheet metal and heaving it off his Lord, its serrated edges sliced through some of his tension cables in his servos and he felt himself lose all motor control over his digits in his right servo.

**_No._ **

Soundwave blinked at the useless, bloody appendage, his spark thundering as the thing hung from limply from his wrist…

**_No. No! NO!_ **

How could he do this with only one servo?

How would he ever be able to drag Megatron away!

HOW COULD HE FAIL SO COMPLETELY!?

“S-Soundwave…”

Megatron’s voice pulled the dark mech from his suffocating panic and he peered up at his leader dejectedly.

“S-Soundwave f-failed…” His whispered, and for a moment the two mechs stared at one another, only the crackling of fire and Megatron’s rasping vents echoing around them.

Both mechs knew what would happen to Megatron if he were captured but, Soundwave also knew that that wasn’t what devastated his leader the most… It was the idea of his Decepticons losing _him_.

Losing one of their strongest warriors, the one that had brought them all together, that had kept them going strong even on the darkest days, through the hardest battles and now…

Sure, the Decepticons might last a little longer without Megatron but they were still in the early stages of their fight! Iacon had yet to fall, the Senate still had too much power, even over their Prime...

Megatron was the one that had promised to take this on, to face it all, to be the shield, the sword, the _voice_ for all those broken and beaten by the twisted government that ruled them.

‘M-Megatron must function.” Soundwave grated out, his voice surprising even him with the level of emotion it expressed.

Megatron scoffed sadly, shaking his helm down at the nearly greying frame he held… Stardust was almost gone, gone like so many.

“Th-there is n-nothing f-for it…” He muttered, wiping some blood from the femme’s helm as she weakly vented in his arms.

She shuddered at his touch, her emerald green optics dim and pain ridden. “L-Le*ave m-me…” She begged him, begged Soundwave. “N-N*o ti*me…”

Megatron felt his optics narrow angrily but, he knew what the femme said made sense. Soundwave was already gravely injured, there was no way he would be able to carry both her and Starscream out, and even if she deserved to live more than the treacherous seeker (in his opinion) she probably wouldn’t make the trip anyways.

 ** _So much loss, so many innocent deaths just for a load of energon._** He thought angrily before lifting her out from the protective shell of his frame and handing her to Soundwave.

The darker mech said not a word as he wrapped his shaking arms around her, his useless servo clanking against her frame as he pulled her close.

“M-Maybe after… A-after they t-take me you, you could r-return…” Megatron suggested wearily as he laid back down. “B-Bury them w-with h-honor…”

Soundwave nodded stiffly, his optics burning as they hadn’t in so long.

Hadn’t he learned not to care, hadn’t that ability been ripped from him long ago?

As a tear slid down his cheek he almost laughed at the irony. Seems he was wrong about that too.

Megatron nodded his helm at Soundwave. “Go… G-get that b-bastard S-Starscream and g-go…” He said with a smile, one Soundwave returned but Megatron would never get to see…

But maybe he knew?

He always seemed able to read Soundwave, even better than the dark mech could himself.

Carefully Soundwave laid the femme down as comfortably as he could, given the terrain, before forcing himself to his pedes.

He stood there a moment, his helm lingering on Megatron’s frame for far too long, he knew this but… But he couldn’t leave him.

Megatron’s optic narrowed, giving Soundwave the deadly serious look that always terrified any it was set upon, any but Soundwave.

“Soundwave th-that w-was an… An o-or- or…” He tried to finish his sentence but just ended up coughing, hacking until he could do little more than moan and the blood kept bubbling up…

The spybot glanced behind him, scanning over the destruction until he found Starscream pathetically dragging his broken frame across the rubble, over to what was once the green war-frame he had spotted earlier.

_**Odd, why would he be headed there?** _

Even though he was nervous about leaving his leader Soundwave felt that... That whatever Starscream was doing was _important_ , that it somehow held a key, a solution to his problem and he scrambled after the mech.

Not like he had much else to lose right?

Starscream wasn’t the most honorable mech, he usually honored little more than himself but...

He was brilliant.

Plain and simple.

If anyone would have a suggestion on how to assist Megatron it would be him…

If he cared to share it.

He called out to the mech once he was close enough. “STARSC…”

“AHHHH!” The seeker’s reaction was as instantaneous as it was natural. He immediately rolled to his back, his two arms transforming to their missile launchers and he pinpointed them on Soundwave’s frame, all within a blink.

Soundwave froze in his advance, his arms lifting nervously and again he found himself wishing he had his cables. If he did he could take the mech down in an instant…

Well, maybe.

Starscream glared at him, an array of emotions filtering through the crimson orbs until he huffed and transformed his servos back. “I am s-surprised you have remained Soundwave. I was expecting to be abandoned l-long before now.” He grumbled miserably as he flipped his frame back around and continued dragging himself towards the green mech.

Soundwave opted to not mention he had contemplated doing exactly that earlier. “Negative. Starscream Decepticon.”

The seeker barked a laugh, but it sounded more like static than anything. “Oh I s-see, NOW we are c-comrades.” He chided, shaking his helm as he reached out but paused and peered at Soundwave more closely before he moved. “Y-you are here b-because y-you need my help, aren’t you?”

**_Clever bastard._ **

Soundwave nodded, it was foolish to lie and he was running out of time. “Lord Megatron impaled. Functions but capture imminent.”

Another flicker of emotions whirled in the smaller mech’s optics but he apparently settled on disinterest. “Un-unfortunate for him.” He mumbled and began his journey again.

Soundwave’s plating flared out. “Lord Megatron leader!” He hissed at the seeker and again Starscream laughed at him.

“There is nothing we c-can do, he is stuck Soundwave. Look at me, look at you! Do not be a, a f-fool!” He snarled, venting in exhaustion as he finally made it to the war-frame yet all of the jovial sarcasm left his faceplates as he looked down and found the green mech already dead. “Damnit!”

Soundwave tilted his helm as Starscream suddenly became frantic, ripping the poor mech’s chestplates open and trying to drag himself on top.

**_What, what is he…_ **

“Arrgh no t-time! FRAG!” The seeker snapped, opening his own chestplates or trying to as he aligned their two spark chambers together but his digits were shaking too much… And that was when Soundwave realized his comrade's intent.

Starscream was going to transfer his spark into the green mech’s frame before it completely shut down…

Soundwave could do the same for Megatron!

He ran back to his leader, uncertain how he would transfer the spark but he knew he had seen plenty of sparks last for an agonizingly long time outside of their frames, especially when he was a gladiator.

In fact, it used to be one of Megatron’s signature moves, he would rip the spark out and hold it high above for all to see, so every one of his fans could watch it sputter and its light slowly fade until finally crushing it with this servos…

If he could brandish one out of frame for that long, Soundwave might be able to transfer it into…

 ** _Wait! The frame!_** He thought, almost tumbling for how quickly he skid to a stop but as he turned he felt rage fill his spark as a flash erupted from where Starscream had been lying.

The seeker had taken the frame first!

**_NO! Soundwave kill him for it! Rip his spark out and place…_ **

_BZZZZZZZZZ!_

_BZZZZZZZZZ!_

_BZZZZZZZZZ!!!_

Suddenly an alarm exploded in his helm, messages he had been too busy to check overriding their usual placement to the side of his screen so they flashed brilliantly right in front of him.

It was Laserbeak; the Autobots were just outside the city limits.

He had run out of time.

Overwhelmed and filled with panic Soundwave tore through the rubble, his optics set on Starscream, or… What was now Starscream.

The mech was still adjusting to the change, was disoriented and far less prone to fight what Soundwave was about to do to him.

In some ways Soundwave felt bad for his harsh choice. He had never _hated_ Starscream, not really, but he could not imagine what the mech would do were he to take over the Decepticons in Megatron’s absence, which he mostly certainly contemplating, even now.

Fragger was probably already thinking about what his throne might look like…

So yes, he didn’t hate the mech, but he didn’t trust him for a klik.

He needed to die. He needed to die so Megatron could live, it was as simple as that.

Starscream had managed to stumble to his pedes by the time Soundwave reached him, something the now smaller spybot was grateful for because he didn’t know if he had the strength to drag such a large frame across the ruins.

“Starscream, Autobots approach! _Quickly_.” Was all he said as he grasped the confused mech’s servo, hoping against hope in his bewildered state his words would instill a sense of terror in Starscream, and he would follow without thought.

Turned out fate didn’t hate Soundwave as much as he previously assumed because Starscream quickly followed after him. The large mech stumbled now and then, his new frame’s systems clearly struggling to reconnect after nearly falling to permanent shutdown, but they were making decent time.

 ** _Almost! Almost there!_** Soundwave cheered, making certain not to lose hold on Starscream’s servo the whole way yet, just as they made it to Megatron the brilliance of his comrade shone through and suddenly the mech dug in heels.

“What are you _doing_!?”

Soundwave blinked in surprise at the booming voice that erupted out of Starscream, not that he shouldn’t have been surprised by the change but considering the yell was probably supposed to be his usual shriek, it was a little shocking.

Starscream also seemed taken aback by his voice, his astonishment giving Shockwave the instant he needed to take the mech down.

He pulled the servo he was holding as hard as he could, ripping the confused mech forwards through the unsteady terrain.

“FRAAGER!” Starscream shouted as he tripped over his unusually bulky legs and rubble, falling on his servos and knees before where Megatron lay.

Soundwave wasted not a moment as he then flipped over the mech, his optics on a long metal pole he saw sticking up from the ground, much like the one that now impaled his leader, and tore it from the ground with a roar.

“You BASTARD! You are going to KILL me, for _HIM_!?” Starscream shrieked again, or bellowed really, as he tried to lift his hulking frame up but it was too unfamiliar, too large to move quickly and Soundwave took full advantage of his weakness.

His optics narrowed as he scanned the perfect place to strike Starscream’s frame. He wanted to lock the mech in place, temporarily at least, but not create an injury that would make his and Megatron’s escape any slower than need be.

As he heard the roar of approaching engines he began to wonder if escape would even be possible at this point, working frame or not. **_Must move!_**

Snarling he lunged at Starscream, easily dodging the mech’s clumsy strikes before he lifted the bar high above his right leg and plunged the bar downwards.

“ARRRRRRRRRGHHHHH!” Starscream screamed as his leg was pinned to the ground below, the pain all the worse considering how fresh the connections in his new frame were. 

Even though Starscream’s processor remembered pain all frames not only experienced the sensation differently but, at this stage of integration with this one, the pain was probably akin to that a birthling might feel right out of a gestation chamber.

Heaving for vents and legs scarcely able to hold him up Soundwave spun once more and ran to Megatron.

 ** _Time, time gone! Move, move, MOVE!_** He screamed at himself when his pede hit something and he almost toppled atop his leader. He was strong enough, evidently, to catch his fall, his hidden optics glaring at the ground to see what he had tripped over when he felt his vents freeze in his chassis.

**_The femme._ **

Soundwave stared openly at the golden plated femme, berating himself for forgetting her but he had been so busy with… With EVERYTHING!

She groaned a bit before her optics creaked open and met his. “M-Me*ga…” She started weakly, her concern for Megatron clear, even in her dying moments and Soundwave found himself awed by the loyalty his leader could inspire in others...

That was until he heard Starscream scream in the background.

“HELP! I am a CITIZEN! There is a DECEPTICON RIGHT HERE!”

**_Bastard…_ **

Soundwave lifted his helm, his frantic optics searching for who the other mech was screaming at when he spotted a glimmer of red and blue in the distance.

 ** _Nooo…_** He thought, his optics wide, spark hammering…

Optimus Prime was here.

That was as telling as it was terrifying.

No one beyond those present had known Megatron was going to be at this meeting! 

It was a simple exchange of supplies, normally Megatron would leave this task to lower officers but he wanted to make contact with his people. Starscream had insisted on being here as he never wanted to be left in the back ground when it came to Megatron and loved seeing the people, and Soundwave was, well he was with Megatron whenever he could be. So, given all of that he had figured the bomb a chance success, an operation failed but with Optimus being here and conveniently Megatron…

That meant they had a spy.

His first thought was Starscream but it seemed the mech was just as nervous after discovering Optimus running towards them and suddenly his pleas weren’t so confident sounding.

That still didn’t prove his innocence but it was important to take every aspect i…

“M-Me… U*se my f-f*rame…”

Considering the level of panic Soundwave was in, considering the fear he felt, the rush he was amazed when a soft albeit broken voice pulled him back to reality.

 ** _Stardust?_** He thought, peering down at the femme through wide optics…

She had her spark chamber open.

“G-go*nna d-die…” She laughed weakly, her optics flickering on and off wildly but, they seemed to stay off more than on.

He stepped over her, still planning on placing Megatron’s spark in the war-frame but, the closer Optimus and his crew came the more that option seemed to be drifting away.

The golden femme smiled at him, her spark nearly translucent now as she struggled for one more moment of existence. “I… S-sa*ve him… P-Pr*oud… P-pr*oud to h*elp…”

The Spybot looked from her to Megatron to Starscream.

Her frame was not ideal, it was small, so different from what his leader now had but…

Soundwave nodded stiffly, noting how the moment he did she smiled wider, her spark flashing one last time before…

He had seconds.

He flipped around, ignoring the raging Starscream as he gripped both of Megatron’s chestplates and heaved.

“Uuuhh, S-Sound…” Megatron moaned, his one optic trying to open but Soundwave ignored it all.

“Soundwave transfer spark to Stardust. Femme gone. Captured by Autobots, must pretend. Must live!” He told the mech, unsure if his words would get through but he had no choice.

Megatron almost opened that optic, almost found his voice but the moment his intake opened, so did his spark chamber and Soundwave plunged his servo inside.

“ARRRRRGH!” His leader cried out, a weak, dying thing yet Soundwave hoped it did not draw the attention of the approaching Autobots.

He needed to make sure they didn’t see the transfer otherwise they would just kill the femme, the frame that took Megatron’s spark.

He grimaced at how cold Megatron’s spark felt in his servo, the digits of his good servo curling around it protectively as he crawled over to the femme’s frame.

There was still some color left, there was still time!

Slowly, reverently he lowered his leader, his friend, his savior into his, or her, new frame…

 ** _Must work, must succeed!_** He thought as he anxiously watched the ball of energy flicker and pulse oddly. For a moment he feared the transfer wasn’t going to work, for a moment he feared he had done it wrong, held it too tightly, took too much time, LOOKED AT IT WRONG but then…

**_Primus…_ **

His optics widened, the screams of Starscream falling away, the roar of engines becoming muffled, all was lost as he watched the wonder of ‘rebirth’ literally play out before him.

Energy crackled out from the spark, igniting every wire, activating every circuit, overpowering every resistor.

He basked in the miracle before him, staring in awe as Megatron molded to a frame that was not his own but would need to be for the foreseeable future.

Megatron would need to hide, hide within the Autobot forces, perhaps just as a simple prisoner, a civilian that had aided the enemy but… It was much better than what they would have done to him if they knew...

_**Save, save Megatron...** _

Once assured Megatron’s connection to the frame was strong he hastily closed his, _her_ , spark chamber and turned to Megatron’s old frame.

It was stuck, it was stuck and it would be taken, as Megatron would, for now.

Starscream whimpered not too far from him, the other Decepticon curling into himself as the Autobots neared him. It was clear he was playing the part of the meek and ashamed citizen who ‘got lost in the game of war.’

The seeker had his part down in an instant, Soundwave just hoped Megatron would be as willing to play…

“Soundwave! Get on your knees and surrender peacefully!”

The dark mech growled as Optimus Prime’s deep voice boomed across the ruins. He had two choices now; stay and be captured with the slim hope he would be able to explain everything to Megatron beforehand or…

Or run.

Run and abandon Megatron so that he might reach the Decepticons, tell them not all was lost and get them ready to recover their hidden leader and his frame when the time was right.

He knew what he needed to do.

As Megatron stirred under him he gave the bot one last worried glance before spinning on his heel and bolting.

**_Lord Megatron be wise. Must play game, play until Soundwave returns._ **

**_Soundwave will return!_ **

**_……………………………………._ **

“Well... Had a feeling he’d run.” Ironhide mumbled from where he stood next to Optimus. “Should we go after him?”

Optimus Prime narrowed his optics as Soundwave’s form dashed off into the night, a streak of light above indicating his symbiote was quick to follow.

“No… Let him go, we have what we came for.” He said sternly as he began his descent to the center of the wreckage.

The weapons expert vented out, watching his Prime for a moment, as all those did in their small recovery group, before following after their leader.

 ** _This had better fragging be worth it or I think Optimus might just go on a killing spree._** Ironhide thought miserably, that same thought being on all of his teammate's processors as they trudged through the destruction around them but it wasn’t any Decepticon he was afraid his Prime might murder, it was Autobots.

“Ah frag mechs, look at this mess…” Jazz bemoaned as he scanned around them. Bodies were everywhere, or pieces of them rather, and the closer they got the more it became clear that there were hardly any Decepticons that had died in the blast, just the civilians that were foolishly trying to help them.

Prowl kept his helm down as he walked but his optics were on his leader. Optimus had been silent on the shuttle ride out here but, he had heard the fight with the Senators and Sentinel when this whole mess started…

He knew Optimus was livid for the actions taken tonight, no matter the reward.

IF there was any.

The Senators had evidently gotten intel from one of their spies that Megatron was making a rare appearance along the outskirts of Tarn. It was a sudden change, Prowl would give them that, so he could understand their urgency in making a choice but, it was a choice that never should have been considered in the first place given its location.

Tarn was one of the few slums still occupied by citizens, neutrals for the most part, as only a dozen or so really helped the Decepticon cause. It wasn’t like this was a full scale operation going on even, the people just gathered what they could from their own meager supplies and passed it on to the equally struggling Decepticons.

Tarn was insignificant on the huge scale of the war. It was a place for those who didn’t want to fight to hide, bots just trying to survive in a world falling apart and now…

Now the majority of them were dead and there was a burning crater in the center of their city.

All because the Senate made a hasty choice to bomb Megatron on his visit.

Finally their Prime stopped, his optics dim and frame stiff as he found the prize his leaders had sacrificed so many for…

Megatron’s still frame lie before him.

How should he feel about that? How long had they been fighting? How long had they been enemies, always playing this deadly game of cyber-mouse and cat. Now he was dead, and so many with him.

A plethora of emotions ate at his spark at the sight but two of the strongest were shame and fear.

**_The Senators got what they wanted, they killed him and now… Now they will ignore all the sins they committed to reach this end. Megatron, I… I am sorry. I am ashamed to call myself an Autobot today._ **

He was about to kneel down, his throat so tight he had not the strength to give orders when he noticed a small moan and a glimmer of gold moving not so far from Megatron’s resting place.

 ** _What? A survivor!?_** Though his guilt was still raging chaos through his spark the Prime couldn’t help but feel elated as he carefully moved his large frame over to where a small femme lie. She looked a bit battered, her plating cracked in a few places but she had evidently been one of the lucky ones or…

He peered back at Megatron, his curled form, as if he… As if he had been holding something, or someone.

 ** _You protected her didn’t you? You, you protected her while my people just…_** His optics burned as he knelt down next to the femme.

He didn’t recognize who she was, for being the Prime of Cybertron he certainly didn’t know many of his citizens, those he was supposed to protect. He usually was introduced to new bots by finding their designations on death rosters.

“I am so sorry.” He mumbled to the femme in front of him, the little bot whimpering as she tried to reboot her systems. Perhaps she had been knocked into stasis?

“We got a live one over here.” Jazz’s somber voice called to the Prime from somewhere behind and he peered over his massive shoulder to see some of his group circling around a struggling green mech.

The mech looked terrified.

“Please! Great and mighty Autobots! I… I wanted nothing to do with this operation! I, I am just a simple mech. I… I… I MADE A MISTAKE!” The bot plead, keeping his frame low and submissive, he seemed rather practiced at the move considering how large his frame was.

Optimus frowned behind his battle mask. **_Seems we can instill terror even in the largest of mechs._** He thought miserably, his shame over the events of the night blinding him to some of the rather familiar characteristics in the green mech but, Starscream was at least was grateful for his distraction.

“Do not harm him, or any survivor.” Optimus instructed as he carefully scooped the femme into his long arms and held her close.

Prowl frowned at that. “Optimus, the Senate will not be so kind to any that were aiding the Decepticons.” He reminded the large mech only to step back in surprise as his Prime _growled_ at him.

Everyone stepped back.

“Our Senators massacred these people, Autobots. Let me make that perfectly clear.” The Prime snarled, his optics blazing brightly as they scanned those gathered closely. He didn’t want a single one of them to misinterpret what he was about to say. “They slaughtered _innocents_ , slaughtered families to get to Megatron and now, NOW they will rejoice in their actions because he fell. They will lie, they will spin their tales about what happened but we, WE will remember what truly transpired here tonight. These people will be forgotten, lost in the victory cries of those I once believed to be honorable mechs BUT THEY AREN’T!”

All those gathered gaped at their Prime, gaped at his fury, none so more than Starscream.

He had never seen the Prime like this, had never seen him denounce the actions of his leaders so vehemently…

 ** _This might be an important piece to use later on._** He thought, making sure to save the recording of the Prime just in case.

Optimus paused a moment, his shoulders slumping and helm falling to the femme he held. “We will remember them. We will remember those that fell and the precious lesson their lives, their sparks have given us. We fight for Cybertron Autobots, not for Senators, not for victory but peace. This… This was not for peace. This was for parades, this was for their betterment, and now… Now they will have it.” He muttered weakly, his spark’s pain too much to continue on.

Ratchet bowed his helm. “We are with you Prime, we all are. They will be remembered.” He promised, placing his fist to his chest and the others followed suit.

“Thank you old friend.” Optimus said with a sigh. “Let us clean this up, take the wounded to the shuttle and begin their repairs. I want them taken care of, I want them protected. They… They are far more innocent than we tonight.”

As the Autobots began milling around, preparing to bury the city their team destroyed, Starscream felt overwhelmed by it all and uncertain.

Now he and Megatron were locked in by the Autobot forces, perhaps protected by the Prime’s guilt (for now) but how long would that last? How long could they continue hiding who they really were from their captors?

 ** _Oh gods… Megatron won’t last a day!_** The hidden Decepticon thought miserably and even if he didn’t much care for the mech, or _femme_ as it was, he needed to make sure his aggressively prone leader kept his intake shut and played along until HE at least could escape!

 ** _Hopefully with my frame._** He grumbled, watching as the Autobots pulled it out of the rubble. Unlike the citizens he knew his frame and Megatron’s would be brought back to Iacon. **_Probably used as trophies for the sick bastards but at least they will be saved for a little while… Now, what to do with Megatron?_**

As the medic Ratchet walked up to him he put on his most pathetic face. “Please, that femme… She… She is important to me. Please, please let me be with her when she wakes?” He begged, batting his optics up at the medic.

Ratchet frowned at the larger mech, his mannerisms itching at something at the back of his helm but considering what the bot had just been through he passed it off as shock. “Uhh, let me get that bar out of your leg and then I will ask Optimus.”

Starscream smiled widely, professing his appreciation and admiration for the Autobot movement as the medic worked on him, only stopping his incessant praise when Ratchet began to glare at him suspiciously.

_**Evidently that was too much. Arrrgh, what impresses these soft-sparked idiots?** _

He was going to have to rethink his approach to all of this, learn how best to use his gifts to impress his captors and keep himself alive. He just hoped he got to Megatron before the other bot woke up, in a femme frame and held tightly in Optimus Prime’s arms.

As delightful and amusing that thought might be, the reality would be far less entertaining.

He chewed on his lower derma nervously, groaning inwardly at how different everything felt, even his lips _but_ he was alive. He kept silent as he was freed from the trap that bastard Soundwave stuck him in, ignoring the pain of his leg as he focused instead on the Prime and the unconscious Megatron.

If his leader began to stir he planned to be up in a moment, he was already forming a plan, something to counteract as many nightmarish outcomes as possible although something began to bug him as time went on…

Why _hadn’t_ Megatron woken up yet?

When he transferred his spark he had woken instantaneously. Granted he had been less injured but still, that Megatron remained in stasis this long made his once scientific processor whirl with questions.

 ** _Oh no! He is leaving!_** All of his question stilled as Optimus began to walk away from them with Megatron, probably to the shuttle that brought them here, and Starscream felt his spark thunder with fear.

 ** _He cannot awake with only Optimus! If he is discovered they will definitely look closer at me!_** He tried to move towards the two bots but was pushed back down with a growl from the medic.

“No ya don’t. I am almost done, just relax…”

“But he is taking him… Uhh her!” Starscream shrieked, instantly berating himself for letting out his signature squeal but luckily his baritone voice covered most of the similarities up. It still sounded pathetic though.

Ratchet blinked at him curiously, making Starscream wonder if perhaps the other mech had caught on after all until the other just shook his helm. “Listen, I know you have been through a lot today but you are safe with me, she is safe with Optimus. I promise.” He said with a smile, one Starscream nervously returned. “ We don’t care if you were one of those helping Megatron or not, no citizen deserves this kind of punishment and, and we are going to do all we can to help get you fixed up AND in some sort of protective custody ok? You will both be fine.”

Starscream forced himself to keep his twitching smile present as he watched Optimus walk further and further away from him. **_Arrrgh, I should just punch the medic. I can claim shock or something… I need to get to Megatron! I need to… Oww!_**

His leg had been hurting well enough but he had gotten used to that pain so when a pinprick was added to that he gaped in horror as the medic calmly pulled a syringe tip out from his transformation seam on his leg.

Ratchet saw the panic welling up in his optics and smiled calmly at him. “You seem a little overwhelmed so I am just going to put you into stasis a bit.”

“YOU WHAT!?” The Decepticon cried, pulling many pairs of optics to him and Ratchet but he didn’t care.

**_STASIS! The fool is putting me into STASIS! I NEED TO MOVE!_ **

“Calm down!” Ratchet shouted at him as Starscream began furiously pulling on the bar in his leg.

“NO! I need to get to him! I have TO!” He yelled, forgetting to address his leader by her new form but not many thought straight while in a blind panic.

“Ironhide! Jazz! Get over here!” Ratchet called to his teammates as he tried to loosen the frantic mech’s servos from the bar. He had been uncertain about shock with this mech before and it seemed he was right.

Starscream’s optics bulged as the two Autobots ran to him. “NO! NO WAIT! I… I…” The world began to darken, the drug pulsing through his racing fuel lines and he felt his hope darken with it.

“Hey easy there, easy. We got ya.” Some voice called to him, servos gripping his shoulders and pushing him down, Starscream had no choice but to allow it.

 ** _Dead, we… We a-are d-dead if… If th-they f-find o-out…_** He lamented silently as his frame became limp and the world fell away.

It was all out of his servos now, all up to Megatron and his reaction upon waking, Starscream almost laughed at the absurdity of it all.

**_I wassn e-even suppose t-to be here t-today… D-damn my, my p-pride…_ **

**_………………………………._ **

Optimus had paused as yelling erupted behind him, his optics narrowing as he peered over his shoulder to find Ratchet, Ironhide, and Jazz trying to control the panicked civilian between them.

His shame grew deeper.

**_Just look at what we have done. Are we any better than Megatron? Than… Than he was?_ **

He had still not come to terms with his nemesis’s demise, it was too big right now, too overwhelming to consider.

Sure, the Senate, Sentinel, even Magnus would see this as their most victorious moment, they would say the war was ending but Optimus was no fool. There was a reason so many flocked to Megatron’s cause, many reasons, but one of the most powerful was that his followers loved him. They honored him, were awed by him and now that he had been killed…

Optimus could only imagine what was to come.

He sighed as he turned from his teammates, sullenly making his way to their shuttle with the only other survivor of their victorious failure…

His failure.

**_I should have stopped this! I should have stopped them, fought harder, explained to them just how many innocents were here! I should have… Arrrgh! THEY KNEW!_ **

His arms tightened around the femme, both shaking for the truth of his words. He HAD tried. He HAD fought this plan all along the way, used all the right words but they… They just did it anyways.

How could he be a Prime if, if the mechs he was sworn to protect wouldn’t listen to him?

How could he save anyone?

How?

He nodded to Bulkhead and Bumblebee as he approached, both were set to guard the shuttle in case any more Decepticons returned. It was a precaution really, Optimus knew no more would come tonight.

Tomorrow though, tomorrow was an entirely different matter and one that terrified the Prime.

They had just killed what many saw as a symbol of hope, he had now become a martyr in his cause and every mech he had ever inspired, helped…

 ** _Protected…_** He thought, peering down at the femme sadly. Every one of them was not going to just roll over and give up. Their hero was taken from them and now, he was certain, their want for revenge would be insatiable.

The Prime chuckled bitterly as he walked into the ship’s med bay and laid his broken prize down on one of the berths. **_Looks like you won after all Megatron and my side is just too ignorant to realize._**

He gently wrapped the femme in thermo blankets, he wasn’t certain if she was cold but, he didn’t know what else to do for her.

Her people were dead, killed because she wanted to help, help someone that said he fought for the people…

Had Megatron been so wrong in his quest?

Optimus vented out, his large frame falling heavily into one of the chairs next to the femme’s berth before allowing his helm to fall to his servos. He felt worn, had been worn for so long, so lost in all of this.

He had awoken with the weight of destiny bearing down on him but even he didn’t understand if he was on the right side. He didn’t understand who he was, who the mechs he fought for were, but he did understand his overwhelming need to protect the people of Cybertron…

He did not do that today.

 ** _Ohhh Primus… F-forgive me._** His optics burned terribly then, his frame curling into itself as he sat in the silence of the med bay. He was always strong, always controlled, always collected but right now…

He felt his shoulders start to shake, a telling sign of what was about to happen and for one precious moment he, he allowed himself to be small.

“Ohhh gods…” A muffled moan escaped him, his faceplates pressing deeper into the servos that held it, his digits digging deeper into his helm.

He felt like he was drowning, felt like he had been drowning for so long and he had a world of bots clinging to him to survive. He was supposed to be a hero, he was supposed to be the strong one, he… He…

“F-failed… I f-failed s-so m-many…” A whisper, its sound ragged, broken, pathetic…

Just like him.

So lost in his world of shame, of self-loathing Optimus didn’t hear the moan that filled the air next to him, didn’t hear the scratch of metal on metal as the frame there began to shift…

“Uuuhhh…” Megatron groaned once more as he finally came back to himself, back to a world of confused agony.

Everything hurt, everything felt off, it was all just too much!

**_What, what is w-wrong? What h-happened? I… I was d-dying… Fight, e-explosion… F-f-ir*****_ **

Suddenly his processor exploded with pain, almost like it was soaking in a vat of acid and he screamed!

“AAAHHHHHHHH!”

Optimus was up the instant the femme screamed next to him, his optics wide, battle protocols firing to life so quickly his servos almost transformed. **_The femme!_** He realized after a moment, spinning on his heel to find her gripping madly at her helm.

 ** _What do I do!?_** He wondered frantically, radioing for Ratchet to rush here but he knew that might take a bit.

“I… It, it is alright. You are safe now.” He told her, as gently as he could but loud enough to be heard over her yells and suddenly she froze.

Everything did for a moment, everything halted until the femme lowered her servos, her brilliant green optics wide as they lowered to Optimus and her chest heaved.

Optimus just stared.

She looked wild, feral, untamed, and her optics…

Though he had never seen her or them before there, there was this connection, this familiarity within them but also a storm.

 ** _A storm… A storm like my own._** The Prime thought, surprising himself with the comparison.

He vented in slowly, lowering his form to look as least threatening as possible. The femme watched his every move, her optics never blinking, never releasing him from their predatory stare.

“I… I am Optimus Prime.” He started, berating himself for how stupid that sounded as most Cybertronians knew who _he_ was, even if he didn’t know them.

The femme didn’t move from her frozen position and even her vents seemed to have ceased.

Optimus looked around helplessly, he felt like he was being watched by a cyber-cat, one that would lunge the moment he looked away.

**_She, she has every right to hate me, fear me… Does, does she even realize how much she has lost today? What we… What I helped take away from her?_ **

Again that damning shame filled him, his optics burning once more, and he felt his frame slump in on itself and then, he fell to a knee before her.

“I... I… I f-failed you and your p-people.” He muttered, his voice crackling with static and optics wet. “F-forgive m-me…”

Megatron stared at the Prime, his overworked processor still glitching through the agony that had just ripped through it, his frame… A frame that _wasn’t_ his shaking around his thundering spark and then…

Then there was Optimus Prime, Optimus Prime bowing to _him_ as he begged for forgiveness?

 ** _Am… Did I die? Am I with the All Spark? What is this insanity? What, who…_** He spared a glance at his servo, at his new servo and suddenly felt his spark grow cold.

**_Gold… Gol… Noo… No. NO! STARDUST!?_ **

“Nooo…”

Optimus wasn’t sure what the femme’s reaction would have been to waking, he didn’t know what to expect when it came to seeing him, to hearing how her people were dead but… But as a strangled whisper escape her, her gentle voice sounding horrified he found himself blinking in surprise as he found her not looking at him, but _herself_ in horror.

“Noo… Nooo. S-S… Nooo.” She repeated, her optics burning, the storm raging as they filled with tears and Optimus just felt lost.

“I… I am… We… You are s-safe n-now…” He stammered out, his spark positively breaking for how ruined she sounded when those blazing green optics snapped up to his and felt his vents stick in his chassis for the fury he saw in them.

“ _Safe?”_ She hissed, her small servos curling into fists. “Safe Prime? SAFE!? HOW DARE YOU!”

Optimus stumbled back as she pounced at him, her optics burning with fire and servos extended out like claws. She was so small and yet held a fire within her, a rage that he had only seen with Megatron but… But coming from such a small bot it seemed so much more powerful.

“YOU BASTARD!” She shrieked, clawing at his faceplates, his torso, anywhere she could reach.

Optimus fended off most the attacks, they were precise but his strength clearly outmatched hers and… And he didn’t want to hurt her.

He deserved her scorn, her hatred, her…

“THERE WERE SPARKLINGS PRIME! SPARKLINGS!” She bellowed, her tears mixing with his as he fell completely and landed hard on his back, her on top of him. She clawed at him, punched him, beat him with everything she had but… But none of it hurt as much as what she had just said.

Optimus fell limp under her, not even bothering to try and defend him as his world seemed to shatter around him.

**_Sparklings…_ **

**_There, there were…_ **

**_Of course there were._ **

Megatron was heaving, his rage giving him a strength Stardust’s frame never had, wasn’t meant to have…

She had been laborer true but she was never meant for battle, so many weren’t and still they stood, they fought, they helped in any w-way they could and now...

“G-gone… Gone.” He sobbed, his tiny frame finally running out of energy as his rage turned to despair and Megatron just sat on the Prime in hunched misery.

Both bots were silent then, the only sound being their heaving vents and splashes of tears…

“W-was it worth it P-Prime?” Megatron asked, his voice so much softer now but the pain within it, that was clear.

“No. N-no it… It… Nothing is w-worth th-this.” Optimus mumbled back despondently and finally Megatron lifted his helm to the mech under him.

He had done quite a bit of damage to the Prime’s faceplates, his aching spark reveling in the long jagged lines that covered the monster’s face but… But his optics.

Optimus looked broken, broken inside…

**_GOOD! Let him know this pain! Let him rot in the carnage he brought upon those he was supposed to protect!_ **

Optimus made sure to not look away from the hateful gaze that now entrapped him. “I… I never… I tried…” He started just to flinch as the femme hissed in response.

“Tried? You tried? Did you? Did you really Prime?” She spat, looking away for a moment as a bitter laugh escaped her. “What kind of a Prime are you? What kind of a Prime lets civilians die just to… To… You were supposed to be their protector! You, YOU are the one that was supposed to fight for the good in this world! The innocent!”

Optimus flinched a bit as she jerked her helm back at him, her optics dripping with tears and dermas pulled back in a snarl. “You were supposed to be better than _me_.”

He blinked up at her, his frame stiff but spark hammering for all the words she had said to him thus far but, but that last statement…

He wasn't sure why but that one truly resonated with him, burned inside of him deep, deep into the core of who he was, who he could be, who he had forgotten.

“Y-you are right.” He whispered, tears slipping from his optics and burning every gash, every deserving wound this incredible, wild, passionate femme had ripped into him when he realized something…

He had never met a bot like this, not really.

Megatron was fiery but as they were sworn enemies, they never had the chance to talk amiably with one another...

 ** _Not that Megatron would ever agree to talk. Or would have agreed…_** The Prime thought, his spark aching once more as he thought of the silver mech’s death.

He still didn’t know what to feel.

The femme snorted at him, shaking her helm as her bottom jaw clenched and unclenched furiously. “So what now?” She asked sharply. “Do you kill me? Lock me away because she… Because we were giving fuel to our fellow Cybertronians? Are there even any of us left that you haven’t murdered?”

Optimus finally released the vent he had held too long. “There… We will take you into protective custody. I… I will make sure you and your companion are taken care of as best I can there.” He informed the femme somberly and her optical ridge twitched.

“One then… Only one left.” She whispered, her jaw cabling nearly popping out from under its protoform for how terribly clenched her denta were.

“Yes, just the one.” Optimus answered gruffly in return, he felt sick.

“I hate you, Optimus Prime. I hate you with every fiber of my being… I want you to know that.”

The Prime raised his optics to her faceplates any words he had slipping away for the look of true loathing he found there.

Not that he could have said anything in response anyways beyond…

“Sometimes, I hate me too.” He admitted, uncertain if she would laugh at his statement, laugh that the as the all-powerful Prime lamented in his own self-loathing yet instead she just looked at him and he looked back.

Kliks passed, the shuttle’s machinery rumbling around them, some voices from outside were heard, the sound of shovels in dirt…

“You should kill me Prime.”

Optimus blinked up is shock at the femme’s whisper. “W-what?” He stammered out and this time she did laugh but it was a somber, bitter sound.

“You should kill me because, after what happened tonight, after what you let happen to Star… To _my_ people, the moment I get the chance I aim to kill you.”

Optimus stared at the femme openly, his spark oddly calm considering she had just threatened his life.

**_She… She wants to kill me. I…_ **

His optics narrowed then and the femme stiffened, readying to attack but it was her turn to gape as Optimus tilted his helm back and presented his throat cables to her.

“You will never get a better chance.” He said evenly, his optics set upon her wide ones and again everything stilled around them.

Megatron couldn’t believe what was happening, couldn’t wrap his mind around any of it since he had awoken…

He was in Stardust’s frame, he was captured by the Autobots, HE was presumed dead, Tarn was on fire and… And Optimus was offering him his throat…

**_What the FRAG!??_ **

“You are a fool Prime.” Megatron scoffed, shaking his helm in disbelief when he heard Optimus chuckle with him.

“Yes, I have been told that many times.” The Prime muttered, not mentioning it was the now deceased Megatron who was the one to remind him so often. He peered up at her, his optics curious.

Why hadn’t she attacked him yet?

Why was _he_ giving her the _chance_?

He knew he didn’t want to die, there was still so much he needed to do in this world. Tonight alone had taught him so much about what was needed of him, what needed to change so… So why?

“I, I need to be better.” He whispered finally, still uncertain about so much but he was happy the femme’s optics sharpened once he began speaking. She was listening closely to every word he said.

“I need to be better than tonight but, but I know how terribly I failed your people. I…” He vented out, his optics burning. “I cannot undo what has been done, what has been taken but… If you grant me the chance, if you do not take my life I swear to you I will become better. I will be the Prime this Cybertron deserves, that her people deserve… That _you_ deserve.”

Megatron kept his faceplates neutral, his optics hard but inside he…

He was reeling.

**_I should kill him! I should end him right now and bathe in his blood but… But maybe I am not seeing the advantage this tragedy has presented?_ **

He leaned forwards, his surprise growing as Optimus shied away a bit. **_He doesn’t want to appear dominating, he is choosing to be submissive with me… Huh…_**

“You say you will be the Prime I _deserve_?” The femme asked Optimus as she moved closer to him.

Optimus swallowed hard as her servo wrapped around his throat but he didn’t try to escape. “Y-Yes…” He answered softly, his optics growing wide as hers filled his line of vision.

In so many way he felt like he was being consumed by her, this little thing…

Little but so powerful.

“Tell me, do you even know what kind of Prime your _people_ want you to be? Not the politicians, not your Masters that point and say fetch, but your _people._ Do you even know the ones you profess to fight for?”

Optimus opened his intake, a rebuttal right there on his glossa but, hadn’t he just said the same thing earlier? That, that he never got to meet his citizens, rebellious or not until they were a name on a list.

His optics finally left hers, falling to his chest, falling to where the Matrix of leadership thrummed with its power...

A power he never asked for, never wanted but was his responsibility all the same.

“You are probably the only bot I have ever spoken to beyond war tactics and orders.” He murmured shamefully. “I do not know my people, I know none of them until… No, I know none of them.” He admitted, his optics dim and the femme scoffed.

“You persecute those civilians helping the Decepticon’s cause, fire on them, call them enemies of the people and force them to live in slums to be free of your precious Senate’s rule and somehow call us the bad guys…”

Optimus shook his helm, his optics rising to hers and again he found himself entrapped by the emotions within them. “But, you… You and your companions, I do not see you as enemies. I know you are just trying to survive and, and that Megatron has protected you.”

“Did, you mean, until you killed him.” She sneered and Optimus grimaced at the truth of the cold statement.

**_Megatron… What will this life be without you in it? You were the mech I, I knew the most. The mech who I hunted, who hunted me. We have danced across this world spraying blood in our wake and now…_ **

**_Now you are just gone._ **

Megatron tilted his helm as an odd look came over the Prime’s faceplates. It was something he didn’t recognize at first, probably because it was so stunning to see it in response to his ‘death’.

The Prime looked sad.

Megatron snarled. “What is with the look Prime? Are you so sullen for the loss of your greatest enemy or…” He leaned in closer, his heated vents fogging up the other mech’s battlemask for how close they were. “Or are you just disappointed you weren’t the one to finish him o…”

Before he could even finish the sentence Megatron found himself crying out in shock as Optimus growled, his servos grabbing his tiny shoulders before the Prime flipped them both over and suddenly, he was pinned to the ground.

It was Optimus that was in control now, the one that was raging and Megatron felt awed at the dramatic change in the mech.

He had never seen Optimus like this.

“Let me make this _clear_.” Optimus grated out, his voice low, deadly and its baritone tone vibrated all the way down to the thighs that now kept Megatron trapped under him.

Why did Megatron notice that?

“I never, _never_ wanted this fight. I _never_ wanted to kill him, I… I am appalled at what happened tonight, I despise that my leaders are the ones that orchestrated this… This TRAVESTY and… AND I HATE that all I can do in the end is BURY THE CORPSES!”

Megatron growled at the _now_ larger mech but before he could speak Optimus grunted and wrapped his servo around his intake.

“NO! You have had your time femme! I AM SPEAKING!”

 ** _Well, well… Seems the Prime does have some iron after all._** Megatron mused, rolling his optics as the Prime fumed over him.

He was shaking now, Optimus was shaking not only because of the horror of what had occurred, the choking guilt he felt with it all, but that he was treating this femme so poorly, so roughly like, like…

And then she rolled his optics and his spark burned.

“You say how dare I?” He hissed, leaning in closer as she had to him and she met his glare straight on. “How dare you? You judge me and yet what kind of a fool decides to BREAK THE LAW right outside of a city full of innocents!? You invite the most hunted mech in Cybertron to this meeting and don’t even bat an OPTIC at how RECKLESS THAT COULD BE!?”

Megatron made to bite into the wretched mech’s servo but apparently Optimus wasn’t a complete idiot and pulled it away right at the last second. “Where would you like them, arrrrgh, I mean US to do these things Prime? Your Autobots have half the world locked down, THE GOOD HALF MIND YOU. We don’t have fancy bunkers, or space stations! We are a bunch of poor mechs fighting for the rest of the POOR! Frag, we… ARRGH, they can’t even control their spies evidently! WE do not have the luxury of time or…”

Optimus snarled. “Fine, FINE! But Megatron!? Why bring him here!? Why bring the most wanted…”

“HE WASN’T INVITED!” The femme screamed at him, her optics filling with coolant as she did so and suddenly, things shifted.

Optimus watched the femme vent in brokenly, her optics dimming as she limply fell back to the floor with a clang.

“He… He wasn’t invited, none of the officers were.” She whispered, her optics flickering as more coolant filled them. “He… He just wanted to see the people who put so much on the line for him. He wanted to surprise them, thank them in… And now they, they are all…. All of them…” He could go no further as a sob ripped from his vocalizer.

He, Lord Megatron of the Decepticons was, was sobbing.

**_Oh gods…_ **

All of Optimus’s anger fled in an instant, his optics widening as the femme shook and stuttered under him. It seemed she wasn't used to crying but…

 ** _But who in this war torn world is anymore?_** He pondered sadly, lifting himself away from the femme a bit.

“Why… W-why save me?” She asked him through her tears and Optimus sighed.

“I told you, I… I failed today but I did try… Not hard enough… Arrgh.” He rubbed his chest roughly, his spark had been aching for far too long. “I never wanted your people… My people to suffer…”

Her optics flashed up at him. “They weren’t _your_ people Prime. They were their own and that is all they ever w-wan… Ohhh…”

Optimus hung his helm as she wrapped her small servos around her intake. She was trying to stop her tears.

He brought himself up so he was kneeling by her pedes. “I saved you because you deserved to be saved. This world deserves to be saved and… And because I couldn’t save Megatron. Even after he sacrificed himself to save y-you.”

“Oooh gods…” Megatron moaned brokenly at the Prime’s words, his sobs shaking his entire small frame…

Stardust’s frame.

**_Stardust I… You s-sacrificed for me not… Not the other way around… I, I am so s-sorry…_ **

When the femme began crying even harder, her small form curling in on itself Optimus cursed himself all the more.

“I am sorry I f-failed you, that I failed them…” He mumbled weakly, shaking his helm when he noticed the thump of rushing pede steps coming closer from the hall.

**_Ratchet…_ **

Optimus didn’t move as the medic skid to a stop just outside the med bay door, the older mech panting as he took in the scene before him.

“Uhhh, Optimus…” He began nervously and Optimus sighed.

“I… She has been through much old friend, please try and make her… Please take care of her." He muttered, forcing his aching joints to move as he stood.

 ** _I, I am so tired…_** He thought, numbly dragging his pedes across the floor and away from the femme he had just, just hurt so terribly…

He hardly heard Ratchet kneel next to her and ask softly ask her designation but, but when the femme sat up, her blazing wet optics burning into his back he felt himself fall to their calling once more and turned to look at her.

 ** _I… I didn’t even ask._** Optimus noted yet as their optics met and she spoke her name he felt it was fitting as it was wrong.

“Rue.” The femme answered darkly, wiping at her tears as she too found strength enough to make it to her pedes.

Optimus blinked at her. “Rue the day…” He said softly and the femme’s dermas lifted into familiar and yet unknown smirk.

“Exactly.” She said with a curt nod before huffing, spinning on her heel, and making it back to her berth…

Ratchet rolled his optics at the show, too lost to understand the significance of what occurred but Optimus he felt his intake grow dry.

 ** _Rue… She is Rue…_** He thought hazily, the femme’s optics meeting his as she confidently made herself comfortable on the medical berth and again he felt lost in those emerald orbs…

He had to shake his helm to turn away, the stress of everything today weighing heavily upon him but he stilled as he heard her voice call out to him just as he reached the door.

“I accept your challenge Prime.” Rue told him, her husky and yet wholly feminine voice ringing in his helm.

He peered of his shoulder at her. "Challenge?” He asked and she scowled at him.

“Show me what kind of Prime you can be. Show me, keep your spark.” Rue answered, Ratchet’s optics nearly blowing out of his helm at her words but Optimus merely chuckled.

“I intend to.” He answered, bowing to her even as she scoffed at him before he continued on his journey.

Today had been a nightmare, his servos covered in far too much energon, his spark crippled for the cracks within but… But through it all he had found this femme…

This wild, untamed, blunt, savage femme…

 ** _Rue… Rue…_** Optimus repeated the designation as he walked.

Yes he was still in pain, yes he was ashamed but, but her challenge, her _everything_ resonated deep within him.

He would be the Prime that his people deserved, that this world deserved, that she…

He had to stop after a bit, his servo gripping the wall as his legs shook under him.

 ** _My spark it… It feels so strange._** He noticed, a sliver of fear adding to the chaos within the sphere at the thought. He, he had never felt anything like this before.

It, it was an unknown feeling, some new emotion, something he had never experienced except with…

**_Megatron._ **

He stumbled forwards to his berth room. Nodding to those he passed, making certain they saw nothing but control, nothing but perfection but the moment his door slid open and he stepped inside his legs crumbled.

**_M-Megatron…_ **

He fell before the door even closed, his frame landing with a resounding _BANG_ and for a moment he prayed no one saw, no one noticed his fall, his weakness but soon…

Soon it didn’t matter.

The Prime of Cybertron gripped his helm madly, his digits pushing in so deeply his plating cracked…

Megatron, Megatron was dead.

Dead!

**_Dead…_ **

“Ohhhh…” Optimus moaned, his spark thundering so loudly he could barely hear his mournful cries, cries for his enemy, cries for the mech that forced him to become a weapon, cries for… For…

“M-Megatronus! OHHHH GOOOODS!… F-forgive, _forgive_ _m-meee_ …” He wept, collapsing to the floor as he finally allowed himself to fall apart, a memory of joyful, loving, passionate blue optics haunting him as he silently screamed.

Lord Megatron was dead and with him the only mech Optimus…

The only mech _Orion,_ had ever loved.


	2. Games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! SO! Here we are at chapter two! I enjoyed this story so much I went on for a longer chapter than before! Yaaay editing that crap! Hahaha, but yes. Here we are.  
> Not gonna give much away but this all happens on the trip back to Iacon.... Once we get there (next chapter) stuff be getting crazy! Tags will be added because well... Not all Autobots are so honorable as Optimus and, there might be some heart wrenching moments...  
> Okay ENJOY AND sorry for errors!!!

“Your faceplates are bleeding.” Ratchet noted quietly before leaning against the wall adjacent to the shuttle’s fueling station.

“Yes.” Optimus replied quietly as he prepared two cubes of mid-grade fuel, his optics never leaving his task but Ratchet didn’t need to see them to know his leader was struggling.

The medic wasn’t surprised to find his leader up so late, but he had been surprised Optimus left his berth room. He usually hid away when he became overwhelmed with things, locking himself inside so that no one would see him break down…

Sure, it helped keep up the image of a perfect Prime but taking on such a weight alone could be dangerous too, a lesson he was constantly trying to drive into the young Prime’s helm.

So far he wasn’t getting far with his nagging.

 ** _Slag…_** Ratchet thought wearily, his arms crossing over his chest as he continued to watch his Prime. Sometimes if he just _stared_ Optimus would finally open up, at least a little, and tonight it seemed his Prime needed it more than ever.

Optimus may have appeared collected to the unprofessional optic but as a medic, and a keenly observant one at that, Ratchet noticed everything. He noticed how the younger mech’s servo trembled around the cubes he was preparing, he noticed the slight flicker of his optics, the tear stains on his faceplates…

**_Optimus please, let me in? Let someone in?_ **

Optimus almost growled when he noticed Ratchet getting comfortable against the wall. He knew this look, knew the mech was worried for him and would adamantly stand there and stare until he was given something but honestly, Optimus just wanted to be left alone.

He, he had nothing left to give, not even to his oldest friend.

Out of all mechs in his crew Ratchet knew him the best, so much so he knew things even Optimus didn’t know, namely about before he was gifted with the Matrix…

 ** _Gifted… Is that what this is, a gift?_** The Prime wondered, his spark again aching in his chest. It hadn’t stopped aching all night and he expected that pain would not go away for some time.

Ratchet chewed on his lower derma in contemplation. How could he get his Prime to talk?

The larger mech hardly talked as it was, not unless they were at meetings or he was giving orders but when it came to things like emotions, feelings…

Never.

 ** _Well, gotta start somewhere._** Ratchet figured, peering at the two cubes before his Prime curiously.

Why two?

Optimus apparently was just as observant as he and nodded his helm at the fuel. “For the survivors.” He offered, hoping against hope Ratchet would take that little information and leave him to his task buuuut…

“Yeah, they… They are a pair aren’t they?” The medic answered, his tone implying he wasn’t going anywhere soon and inwardly Optimus groaned.

Taking in a deep vent Optimus stopped mixing the fuel and placed his servos flat against the counter before tilting his helm back at the older mech. “Considering their entire group was decimated I believe they are dealing with it as best they can.”

Ratchet frowned at his leader. “You mean by threatening your life and scratching the Pit out of your faceplates?” He grumbled and Optimus sighed.

“I deserved it.” The Prime mumbled in return, lowering his helm and staring at the cubes before him numbly.

Ratchet scoffed at his words but knew it was pointless to refute them. Optimus blamed himself for everything those bastards in the Senate did wrong, that was just the way of things, sadly.

“Optimus… I… Listen that femme she, she clearly doesn’t like you…” The medic started and Optimus almost barked out a laugh at the gross understatement but settled on grunting instead.

Ratchet narrowed his optics. “I am just saying, she can’t be talking like that. You are lucky it was _me_ that heard her threat, and we both know it was a threat.” He added, pointedly flashing his optics at his leader, the same leader that was suddenly deeply fascinated by a small dent in the counter he was staring at.

**_Fraggin fool is gonna get himself killed, either by this mad femme or the Senate when they learn he took in two of the mechs that were working with the Decepticons._ **

He tried another approach, waving his arms out as he pleaded his case to the younger mech. “Optimus, you are walking on sheet metal with the Senate and you know this! You know this and not only did you have a very loud, fairly noticeable disagreement with them…”

“I stand by my argument!” Optimus quickly snapped, his optics blazing over his battlemask.

Ratchet servos flew up defensively. “And so should you but… But you argued with them over the very mission that got us Megatron. Don’t you see the power this mission just gave them?”

Optimus glared at the medic a moment longer before his optics dimmed and shoulders sank. “I do.” He muttered in disgust. “I see what so many lives lost finally gave them.”

**_Arrrgh, why are you so damn honorable?_ **

Ratchet rubbed his forehelm in frustration. “Optimus, those numbers won’t matter if in the end Megatr…”

“I KNOW!” The Prime shouted, slamming his fist down on the counter before him, spilling half the energon he had just poured out of their cubes.

Ratchet fell silent, his optics lowering to his pedes as his leader fought to calm himself.

 ** _Must… Must remain calm. Too much is going to change now, I need to stay on top of things._** Optimus titled his helm back, his neck cables aching from all the stress when suddenly an image of Rue came into his mind. He saw her over him, her emerald optics blazing with hate, with fury, her servos wrapped around his throat as she called him out on all of his failures like…

**_Like no one ever does. Not even Ratchet._ **

It hurt, what she said, but it was the truth. The hard, painful, embarrassing truth.

**_Rue… Huh, I wonder if I will rue the day I met you. Seems I am already._ **

A small smile rose under his mask at the thought of the femme yet it was gone almost as quickly as it appeared. This femme, this one that made him question everything, made him re-examine so much, that despised him, that loathed him, that wanted to _kill him_ …

Why, why did that not worry him as much as… As much as _intrigue_ him?

 ** _I am a fool… Such a fool._** He thought to himself, his helm falling back down and he began to look for some mesh cloths to clean up his mess.

Ratchet scowled at his leader, at his total disregard when it came to the Senate, Rue, and both their fury with him. “Listen, I don’t wanna… I am just saying you need to be careful Optimus. Careful with the Senate, careful with our prisoners…”

Optimus started at that, pausing in his search to look up at his friend. “They are not my prisoners Ratchet.” He told the mech, genuinely surprised that the medic would think such a thing and Ratchet, he just gaped at his ignorant leader.

“Optimus, _Prime_ … They were aiding the enemy, she has threatened to kill you! What, what the frag are you gonna do with them!? Keep them like _pets_?”

Optimus glared at the other mech flatly. “They are not pets either.” He muttered irritably, shaking his helm as he finally found what he was looking for in one of the lower cabinets and pulled the mesh out with an abrupt tug.

Ratchet threw his servos up. “Then what? What are you gonna do with them? Maybe, MAYBE the mech will be sane enough to, I dunno, serve energon or something to troops but I… I don’t trust that fem…”

“Her _name_ is Rue.” Optimus said pointedly as he carefully scrubbed the energon away.

Ratchet groaned, dragging his servos down his faceplates as he fought the urge to just smack some sense into his leader, his PRIME.

If only he had a wrench on him.

“Fiiiine BUT, _Rue_ is wild. She is obviously not your simple civilian, she is a fighter clearly. One look at your faceplates is proof of that! She is like a bomb waiting to explode and if you think you can just take someone like her and put them in a little bubble and them NOT blow everything to scrap you, you’d need your processor checked.”

Optimus peered over at the medic curiously. “You really do not approve of her do yo…” He started just to have Ratchet growl in disbelief.

“I… I… Primus help me!?” Ratchet prayed, slapping his servos together dramatically as Optimus glared at him. “Prime, she… She. Wants. To… Now listen closely...SHE WANTS TO KILL YOU!”

Optimus scowled at the older mech disapprovingly. “Hush Ratchet, please? I do not need the entire ship acting as you do when it comes to Rue.” He scolded the medic and Ratchet’s helm nearly burst clear off his shoulders.

“Are you kidding… Arrrgh!” Ratchet pushed his frame off the wall and stomped over to the larger mech, jabbing his digit into Optimus’s chest once he was close enough. “Optimus, I need you to take this seriously. I… I decided to keep my intake shut over her threat because yes, she has been through a lot, shock does all sorts of things to bots but… But if you continue to remain blind to the very real threat she could pose I… I will have to alert the others.”

Optimus blinked at the smaller mech, his spark clenching at the thought of Rue getting in trouble for just… **_Just reacting as anyone would considering what happened to her people! Why does Ratchet not see this?_**

As Ratchet’s optics continued to bore into him Optimus realized he needed to perhaps work with this whole situation a little differently. He had to give the mech something or else Rue might just be labeled as a rebel and carted off, not just because of the Senate but his _own_ team.

He wouldn’t let that happen to her, not after all he had already taken from her.

He made up his mind.

Optimus vented in deep, opening his battlemask so Ratchet could see the smile he placed there. “I… Thank you Ratchet and you, you are right. I will make sure to stay vigilant when it comes to Rue. I promise.”

The medic glared at him a moment longer, his optics searching Optimus’s suspiciously until he sighed and looked away. “Alright, I will trust you Prime.” He mumbled, peeking up at his leader one last time but Optimus was still smiling confidently as ever.

**_Frag I hope he isn’t kidding about this. That femme is no joke. The only reason I don’t have her strapped down is because of how small she is, not that that says much considering the damage Arcee can inflict but… I can only imagine if she were in a war-frame. A femme that angry, phew… Be like a whole new Mega… Ohh…_ **

Optimus had been fairly certain he had ebbed his companion’s fear, much to his relief, and was just about to begin finishing mixing more energon when Ratchet cleared his vocalizer suggestively.

 ** _What now?_** Optimus lamented silently but he dutifully turned back to the smaller mech to answer whatever other questions he had when, when the look on Ratchet’s faceplates stopped him and he felt his spark grow cold.

 ** _Don’t ask. Not now… Not so soon after…_** He silently begged the mech, his optics sharpening as Ratchet’s met his but the medic ignored the warning.

“Optimus… About Megatron…” Ratchet began but the moment the dead mech’s designation left his intake Optimus’s battlemask snapped back into place, he grabbed the two half cubes off the counter and began walking away.

 ** _Damnit!_** Ratchet growled as he followed after his Prime.

“Optimus please… You, you know there are going to be a lot of conversations about this coming up!” He pleaded with the larger mech, his short legs taking two steps to Optimus’s every one.

“I _understand_.” Optimus grumbled back at him as he walked on.

“Arrrgh! Will you stop and talk to me about this! You have to talk to someone!” The medic insisted, almost jogging at this point to keep up.

“There is nothing to say right now, old friend. You saw him just as I did. Let that be the end of it.” Optimus was shaking so badly he was almost certain by the time he made it to the med bay the cubes he was holding would be empty but, he didn’t care.

**_Stop Ratchet. Let me have tonight, please. Let me gather myself for one night… I should have never left my room._ **

Ratchet hated pressing Optimus like this but given the failure today and the chaos they would be walking into once they made it to Iacon with Megatron’s dead frame he… He didn’t know if the young Prime truly understood how much harder everything was about to get.

“Please mech. I am only trying to hel…”

“I don’t need your help, Ratchet!” Optimus snarled, his spark was hammering now too, his servos trembling all the more for it…

“Yes you arrrgh… You don’t understand! They are going to plaster this information everywhere! People will be cheering in the streets over his death! They will host the biggest celebration ever in Iacon and you will be at the center of…”

“STOP!” Optimus screamed, finally breaking enough to spin on his medic the energon splashing out all over the front of his frame and the wall next to him as he stared down at Ratchet.

Ratchet jumped back for the fire he saw in the larger mech’s optics but he moved no more than that. Optimus needed to hear this.

“Optimus you… You can’t run from this.” Ratchet insisted gently, stepping a bit closer but Optimus’s growl stopped him.

“ _Ratchet_ , I acknowledge that you are attempting to help but if you say one more word about Megatron’s…” Optimus had to stop as his throat tightened suddenly, so much so he felt he could hardly vent.

**_Stop this! I, I knew there was a chance this would be the end result. I knew that I could not just hope for the chance to take him in alive. He… We… We have been at war for years! I knew…_ **

Ratchet vented out slowly, his optics growing soft as he looked over the mech before him. “Optimus, I… I know this is hard for you. I know you have had trouble before with your dream-cycles and… And something like this will just exacerbate those…”

“ _P-please_ Ratchet. Please _s-stop_ …” A ragged whisper escaped his Prime, stilling Ratchet’s words as well as his resolve to continue on this path of pushing to break through Optimus’s walls.

Optimus he, he sounded so _ruined_ in that moment and the medic began wondering how much his friend had _not_ been telling him about his nemesis… About his recollection of the young, ignorant archivist he once was, the one that had loved the revolutionary Megatronus more than life itself…

**_Until, until that fateful day when a new Prime was chosen… Orion… I… I didn’t know… No one knew what you would lose._ **

The young rebel Orion Pax lost all of his memories of his past when he became a Prime. He lost everything; his memories of Ratchet and their efforts in lower Iacon for a free clinic for the poor, the early days when he teamed up with the Decepticons he now fought so vehemently, when he fell in love…

For vorns all of that had been lost and as far as Ratchet understood, that had been the end of any trace of Orion. The change had been a simple, if not complete, transition until the day his Prime showed up in his office looking nearly translucent with fear.

It had been the first time Optimus dreamt of Megatron and, from the little Ratchet could discern from the rambling and terrified mech, well… Well it had been an _intimate_ one.

Optimus understood he was once a mech by the name of Orion Pax but he knew little else so when he came to Ratchet and told him of his treacherous dream-cycle, or nightmare as he called it, the medic had had the arduous task placed upon his shoulders to explain _why_ such a…

Why something like _that_ might happen.

His Prime had listened to his tale, his faceplates stoic, mask in place the entire time. Ratchet hadn’t gotten into detail of the two mech’s past relationship as he knew only what he had seen, but… But he made it clear that the younger mech wasn’t a wretched traitor for dreaming of things like that. That he wasn’t a monster to dream about the mech he hunted daily so passionately…

When he was done he had hoped Optimus would finally talk with him without having to ware down the mech until they both felt mad but, like always, Optimus merely nodded, thanked Ratchet for his time, and left!

 ** _Pfft, or he tried to._** Ratchet mused, recalling how he had jumped at the mech and stopped him with a dire warning.

To keep these dreams secret, keep them between himself or Ratchet and, and that was IT.

If the Senate were to get wind of such compromising occurrences the medic feared they would try and cleanse their Prime of his, _affliction,_ and hand him over to the like of Pharma or, or worse…

Luckily Optimus had absolutely agreed with his suggestion and that had seemed the end of the problem. Ratchet would ask now and then if there were ever any other dreams but Optimus always denied that there was and he, he trusted his Prime.

Though, looking at Optimus now, how shaken the mech was, how vehemently he was asking Ratchet not to mention Megatron the medic found himself growing more and more concerned that he had trusted the younger mech too readily before and… And that he had been suffering all along the way.

**_No, no I would have noticed! Having dreams like that constantly would have affected him on the battlefield and, and there was never a time where Optimus did not go after Megatron with everything he had. So, so I wonder why? Why is he reacting like…_ **

As if Optimus could hear his thoughts the larger mech sighed heavily and shook his helm. “Ratchet he died, died so uselessly. We killed him as he was meeting with some poor civilians that tried to give him fuel. He wanted to thank them in person and we… We destroyed not only him but, but _them_ for it.”

Ratchet nodded, his helm falling as his own guilt scorched through his spark. No, he and Optimus’s crew were NOT the ones that did this but, their side was. They all wore the same emblem, all swore the same oath to protect the people of Cybertron...

Optimus placed both empty cubes in one servo as he tried to wipe the energon from the front of his chassis. “Ratchet this… This has been awful. _A-awful_ …” He stopped trying to clean himself, his optics flickering with the storm set so deep within him.

**_So many storms, so many levels of sadness and pain. When will it stop?_ **

Ratchet vented out, crossing his arms across his chest once more as he sought the right words. Optimus was so close to opening up, he felt it in his spark if, if only he could find the right path…

“Optimus, I… Frag mech, you can’t take all this on alone. The tragedy of Tarn, the Senate, Mega…” He stopped as Optimus flinched at the mention of the warlord’s designation and again Ratchet wondered just what his leader might be hiding from him, from everyone.

Suddenly Optimus lifted his helm, peering down the hall to the right of them as spoke. “Ratchet are we… Are we really the good guys?” He asked, his voice low and gruff sounding but there was also this desperation set deep within his question.

This was immensely important to the young Prime and unfortunately…

Ratchet could only offer the truth.

“Prime, it is hard to know who is on the right side in war.” He answered sullenly, peering down at his servos as he spoke, servos that had saved mechs or helped them die less painfully. “Either good or bad all I know is there is death, death, sadness, loss, and misery. Can there be a good side to that?”

Optimus hummed, the larger mech venting in deep before he turned his helm back to Ratchet and nodded. “Thank you, old friend.” Was all he said, shutting of any hope for Ratchet pressuring him more as he patted the medic’s shoulder and walked back to the fueling station.

For a moment Ratchet considered following him but instead he sighed, leaning against the wall beside him as he contemplated everything that he and Optimus had talked about.

His Prime was honorable, he was mighty, strong, seemingly infallible but Ratchet knew that… That even Gods had their weaknesses. Even they could fail or not see the trouble before them until it was too late.

Even Primus failed when it came to his brother Unicron, Unicron and his creation Megatronus…

“Megatronus, a designation dripping with fate. Almost as much as Prime.” He murmured, peering down the now empty hall after his leader.

“Ya know, talking to ya self is a good sign of processor decay…”

The medic nearly squealed as Jazz’s voice ripped him from his thoughts and he looked up to find the mech standing almost right in front of him, a smug grin on his stupid faceplates…

“Arrgh Jazz! What have I told you about sneaking up on me! You know how _old_ I am? Almost had a fragging spark flux…” He grumbled angrily, the black and white bot chuckling as he fell into step with Ratchet.

“Where ya headed?” Jazz asked but Ratchet just glared at him.

“You can frag off Jazz. I know you are just wondering about Optimus.” He growled and the smaller mech held his servos up defensively at the accusation.

“Whoa, Ah’ am just tryna have a decent conversation with ma good ol’ buddy Ratchet.” Jazz retorted, his voice sounding insulted even as his visor shimmered with interest and Ratchet sighed.

“I hate you, you know that?” The medic mumbled and Jazz’s smile broadened.

“Nah, ya don’t but Ah’ think you playing off like ya do is cute.” He joked, lifting his visor and giving Ratchet a wink before resetting it.

Ratchet shook his helm. “I swear I am surrounded by younglings.” He huffed, halting his wayward journey to nowhere and glaring at Jazz irritably. “So what do you know or _want_ to know. I will answer what I can, but that is it.”

Jazz frowned, his expression injured looking until he opened his intake and all the medic saw there was the vastly intelligent mech he knew. “So Prime is pissed, ya?” He started with and Ratchet snorted.

“Oh? I hadn’t noticed. I mean his speech in Tarn was so ambiguous I…” He started, planning on playing their usual game when he noticed Jazz’s expression drop to a far more serious one.

“Ratchet, the fraggers in the Senate didn’t listen to a word their Prime had to say. They didn’t listen and now we have a dead Megatron to deliver to um… This ain’t gonna go away any time soon, nor will them being right.”

The medic snarled. “They _weren’t_ right.”

Jazz shrugged and shook his helm. “We _know_ that, but ain’t no one else gonna. Not unless Prime brings it up and as right as he might be in doing so, Ah’m afraid of what happens after.” Jazz lowered his voice, his visor again flashing but this time with worry.

Ratchet groaned, rubbing his forehelm roughly. His processor was killing him with all of this but, he understood Jazz’s fear.

If Optimus contested the Senate’s tale of what happened in Tarn it would lead a divisive state of the people of Cybertron. Right now, Decepticons were bad and Autobots good, that was all.

Megatron dying would be seen as a glorious victory, it would pull many to the Senate’s side just because of the message it sent BUT…

But if Optimus were to speak on what was lost, the innocents that had suffered for their victory, division would begin and the seemingly defined lines of good and bad would become more muddied for an already weary public.

Most citizens sided with their Prime _right now_ , but if he began to become a problem, began to question the Senate that was far older, far more established than he was, well…

 ** _Well frag._** Ratchet groaned, rubbing his aching neck cables as he considered just how wrong all of this could go. “What do we do Jazz? You know Optimus’s sense of honor. He isn’t going to let what happened tonight just get covered up, you heard him in Tarn. He is livid.”

Jazz nodded, thinking a moment. “Well, Prowler an Ah’ have been considering this and we think if we give him something to focus on, some task where he can help out, maybe it will help him calm down a bit. Help him focus on that, than all this slag with the Senate.”

Ratchet scowled at the smaller mech. “Like what? Right now Iacon is going to be celebrating. They are going to want their Prime there every step of the way. Every day he will be in the thick of this mess, facing what happened tonight at every turn. How the FRAG can we provide a distrac…”

“The survivors.” Jazz interrupted and Ratchet felt his spark clench tightly at the suggestion.

So far only he and Optimus knew of the femme’s threat on the Prime’s life and, and as long as she kept her helm down and never did so again he was, _alright_ with keeping it that way but…

Ratchet rumbled unhappily. “Jazz I, I don’t know…”

Jazz waved his servos. “Hear me out.” He started with a grin. “Prime’s gonna need to keep um close anyways in Iacon, otherwise Sentinel may just take um and use um in his little victory lap. We could just make it clear to Optimus that none of us have the power to protect them like he does. He will have to be responsible for everything; where they live, if they work, where they can go. He will be so busy making sure they are taken care of that _maybe_ he won’t be drowning in the misery of this slag. It would give him a purpose beyond himself, right!?”

Ratchet looked at the other mech incredulously. “You really think using those two will help keep Optimus from addressing what happened in Tarn?”

Jazz shrugged. “Maybe not Doc, but what else do we have to go off of? The least it could do is help some? Ah’ mean, what the frag else do we have?”

Ratchet hummed thoughtfully, thinking about how somber his leader seemed earlier. Maybe being the care taker of the two survivors would help? Optimus already seemed to be taking that route considering he was making sure they had fuel but…

“Jazz that femme she, she is a wild card.” He mentioned quietly, uncertain if Optimus would be headed back his way yet.

Jazz chuckled at first but from the grave expression that quickly set on Ratchet’s faceplates he found himself turning that laugh to an awkward cough. “Ya, ya really think she could be trouble?” He asked seriously and Ratchet shook his helm.

“I, I don’t know.” He muttered. “I just know Optimus is in a very dangerous spot right now, on numerous levels and… And we should keep an optic on her is all. He seems especially protective of the survivors, like helping them might help ease his guilt and all but with her… Well I don’t know. I just have a bad feeling.”

Jazz tapped his digits on his chin. “Well, I could try to look into her. Find out who she was. Half the world is a mess but most records are still available.”

Ratchet thought about that, wondering if Optimus would be upset about investigating the femme he had basically designated himself personal protector of.

“I, I guess that couldn’t hurt.” He agreed quietly, feeling a sliver of guilt for the choice even though _technically_ he was doing nothing wrong. Who wouldn’t want to make sure the bots Optimus would be responsible for weren’t maniacs?

Jazz smiled. “Alright! Ah’ will see what Ah’ can dig up. In the meantime try and get some rest Doc. Ya look beat.”

As the younger mech spun and ran off to begin his semi-secret investigation Ratchet felt himself scowling at the mech’s energy.

**_They are, all of them a bunch of fragging younglings and I am the old mech forced to keep them all on track. Primus help me…_ **

**_………………….._ **

**_Errrr godssss… Wad, wad dey put inna mee?_** Starscream moaned as his systems slowly rebooted.

He felt like slag.

Everything felt heavy, every sound seemed distorted, and when he opened his optics all he could see was a haze of blurred dots…

“Wreckage? Are you alright?”

 ** _Wasss dat?_** Starscream wondered as this beautiful, soft voice called to him, forcing his optics to widen a little more to find the blur of dots had this strange golden hue to them, that and an emerald glow…

“Issm.. Mmm feel slag...” He muttered, hearing that angelic voice chuckle slightly at his words. He smiled at the sound.

“Yes, well they seemed to have drugged you well.” The bell like voice said to him and he swooned as he felt a small but warm servo fall to his forehelm.

 ** _Awww is nice… Much nice…_** He mused, almost drunkenly as he tried to understand just what had gotten here in this glorious situation.

**_Wassa ha-happen? M-meeting, botsss, fool arrgh fuel ann… Annn boom?_ **

**_BOOM!?_ **

The gentle voice gasped as he suddenly sat upright, his spark hammering as his new processor reeled over the past events but it, it seemed hard to connect.

“Arrrrgh…” He growled, holding his helm as he tried to work through his memories yet it was like swimming through two sets of files. Sometimes he saw what was certainly his memories, while other times he, he was taller, saw _himself_ standing not too far away…

It was maddening.

 ** _Arrgh, shadowed memories?_** He wondered, shutting his optics tight as he worked through the chaos. It seemed some of the frame’s previous owner’s memories were still imprinted on his processor. Not a surprising side effect, especially considering the trauma that occurred right before Starscream inhabited the frame but, it could lead to bigger problems if left uncared for.

He knew little of spark transfers but when they went wrong he had heard of instances where the original owner’s processor completely obliterated the memories of the new spark within. It was called something like Cerebral Overwrite and, though rare, the last thing he needed was to be rewritten while in this frame, him or…

**_Megatron!_ **

“Be careful, you almost fell out of the berth Wreckage.” That soft voice told him worriedly and as Starscream creaked open his optics he almost laughed as he found his Lord Megatron sitting by his berth side and gently cooing at him.

**_He doesn’t know, he doesn’t realize I am inside! Ohhhhoho…_ **

In so, SO many ways Starscream would have loved to keep it that way, hide not only from Megatron but the Autobots but… If he ever wanted to make it back home, with his old frame as well, he knew he would probably need his Lord’s help.

 ** _Plus, if Megatron ever found out he would probably slaughter me on the spot… Well, if he could in that form._** Starscream mused, taking in his Master’s new frame appreciatively.

The femme Stardust had indeed been a beauty of a bot. She had lovely faceplates, stunningly large green optics, small shoulders, a tiny waist, long legs... Her alt-form had been a small hauler, made for the tighter paths in mining that were usually used for more exotic kinds of energon meaning she was tough, but also very…

The femme, or Megatron began to scowl at him for how long Starscream had been appeasing her. “Wreckage?” He asked and the former seeker groaned inwardly.

Oh how much he could play if he didn’t need to reveal himself, such a pity.

Starscream leaned in close to his Master, becoming surprised when the other bot didn’t pull away and disappointed considering what he was about to do…

“Not Wreckage, Lord Megatron. Starscream.” He whispered to the femme, uncertain if the med bay they were in had cameras and the look on his Master’s face was priceless.

Megatron snarled as he pushed the larger mech away and quickly stood up. “Star… Arrrgh. What the frag are you doing in…”

Starscream was grateful his Lord didn’t blurt out what was really going on, it gave him hope for this mess of a mission after all.

He shrugged up at the fuming femme, delighting in how Megatron’s now stunning optics flickered at him.

He was so cute when he got angry.

“Forgive the surprise but as you were unconscious there, there was little time to explain.” He drawled to his leader, his smile wide as ever as Megatron scowled back at him.

 _“Filthy_ razor-snake.” Megatron hissed but his anger seemed to dwindle as he realized what having Starscream here meant.

**_No one then. Not a one of them survived the attack. Curses…_ **

Starscream blinked in surprise as his leader suddenly became silent and somberly walked back to his own berth. **_Or is it her now? I suppose I will need to get used to calling him a her sooo… Not that it is that hard not to, just looking at her…_**

Shaking his helm Starscream calmed his enthusiasm to address _why_ his Master looked so upset. “Mas…” He began but paused. He didn’t know what to call her and, and if there were recording devices around.

Megatron peered up at him blearily. “Rue, and you are Wreckage.” He, _she_ said sternly and Starscream bristled.

 ** _She got to choose her name, why can I not choose mine?_** He thought, grumbling a bit to himself for a moment before he had another thought.

Since both Stardust and Wreckage (such a drab idiotic designation) since they were both working together maybe they had each other’s comm I.D. numbers?

He shut his optics as he began filing through the tattered memories of his new frame, again reminding himself to be careful of what he opened or affected. The files may be in the background for now but if he used them too often or just activated the wrong one, that reality could change very quickly.

**_I wonder if I should tell Megatron of this issue? Would be rather entertaining to see him dissolve under the femme’s identity… Can’t very well lead the Decepticon’s if that were to happen…_ **

He eased his scheming as he found a file that seemed to hold radio information and cheered as he found Stardust’s tag.

 **:Lord Megatron?:** He sent, smiling as the smaller bot jolted at the hail.

His Lord looked over at him then, something like surprise and maybe a little admiration fleeting through his, arrgh HER optics.

**:Well done Starscream. I admit I had not thought of radio contact before, of course I hadn’t known _you_ were going to be in his frame either.:**

Starscream frowned, what had started off as a compliment turned into a disappointed grumble by the end. **:Your appreciation is magnanimous, Lord Megatron.:** He answered flatly and Megatron smirked at him.

Ignoring the mocking look Starscream opted to scan around himself and get a better idea of what they were in for. The first thing he noticed was that they weren’t chained (foolish Autobots) and that the med bay door stood wide open.

He sent a look to his leader. **:Are they honestly this foolish?:**

Megatron shrugged. **:I am not surprised really. We are on their shuttle, the Prime has a full crew and… And I think Optimus has made it his key directive to care for us.:**

Starscream’s optics widened at that. “What? You mean the Pri…”

 **:Radio Starscream! I almost praised you for the thought but if you don’t use the fragging thing…:** Megatron snapped at him and Starscream glared.

 ** _Ohhh, this is going to be a nightmare to escape with HIM._** He thought miserably just to yelp as a knock sounded on the wall outside their room.

“May I enter?”

Starscream’s fear tripled as none other than Optimus-fraggin-Prime asked for permission to enter the med bay.

**:What do we do!? Whatdowedowhatdowedowha…:**

“ _Shut up.”_ Megatron hissed, gripping at his helm as he turned his attention to the door. “It is _fine_.” He grumbled at the request, shifting on the berth so that he could pounce on the Prime if given reason and Starscream just gaped at his Lord.

**:What the frag are you doing!? We, we are supposed to be _hiding_ , not trying to threaten them!:**

Megatron’s optics flashed at him. **:You do things your way Starscream, I will do things as I always have.:**

 ** _Stupid, imbecilic, no good…_** Starscream’s rant came to an end as a slumped, almost timid looking Prime stepped into the room.

 ** _Huh…_** He mused, his optics taking in the way Optimus held himself before them. **_He doesn’t want to scare us._** He realized, nearly rolling his optics as Megatron growled at the Prime. **_Frag it all. He is like a damn animal._**

Optimus flinched a bit after the growl but he didn’t move away, instead he offered his servos out and Starscream was surprised to find two cubes of energon there.

“Thank you.” He said, flashing his best smile, or what he hoped would be his best considering his new frame yet that grin faltered as Megatron huffed at the offering and turned away.

Optimus wilted. “Please, you need to fuel…”

Megatron snarled at him. “I need nothing from you, _Prime_.” He snapped, crossing his arms as he glowered at the lost Autobot.

Starscream rolled his optics. “Forgive my companion Prime he… Errr, _she_ is a bit overwhelmed with every…”

“Do not speak for me!” Megatron growled at the larger mech and both he and Starscream glared at one another across the room.

 **:Honestly Megatron, must you act so childish?:** Starscream berated his leader. **:We need to play this game until we can get free. Can you not make it a little easier on everyone?:**

 **:You mean on you?:** Megatron sent back.

 **:On US! Or would you rather the Prime mistrust you and place you in chains?:** Starscream pleaded with his leader as Optimus just watched them in silence.

**_Damnit, he knows we are communicating through radio. I wonder if he will take our comm units awa…_ **

Apparently Optimus had caught Starscream peering at him and he smiled comfortingly behind his mask. “It is fine, I will not pry. I just wanted to make sure you were both comfortable.”

Megatron barked out a bitter laugh, rolling on his side as he pretended to ignore the Prime and Starscream groaned inwardly.

“Please ignore my companion’s poor behavior.” He told the Prime smiling up at the other mech when he noticed how small Optimus appeared now. He was still larger than Starscream but considering his new frame the difference was only a couple meters now.

“It is alright.” Optimus said glumly, walking past _Rue’s_ berth to gently place the cube on the medical tray next to her berth. He sighed as the femme remained turned away and looked over at the other survivor. “I am Optimus…” He began sheepishly and Starscream chuckled at how different the Prime seemed.

He had only ever seen the mech on the battlefield or through speeches on the holovid. He always seemed so confident there but now, now he just seemed meek, guilt ridden…

Like he owed them something.

 ** _Interesting, this might be useful._** Starscream pondered, biting his lower derma as he considered how he could use the mech’s strange disposition to his advantage.

“Ohhh…” He moaned suddenly, grimacing as he reached for his injured leg and was pleased as Optimus’s optics immediately lit up with concern. **_Ohhh, look at that._**

“Is your leg bothering you? I could get my medic or some pain capsules.” The Prime offered sweetly and Starscream blinked up at him appreciatively.

“Ohh, I don’t want to trouble him. I wouldn’t mind some pain capsules though, if you don’t mind?” He asked meekly, cheering as Optimus nodded and raced to the task.

 ** _Fool, so eager to please… This could be more fun than I thought._** Starscream mused when he looked over at Megatron and saw his leader’s emerald optics narrowed at him in disgust.

 **:Starscream flirting? Really?:** Megatron sent him and the seeker scoffed.

 **:I aim to keep my spark. Plus, I am only being nice, you would be surprised what a little kindness could get you Lord Megatron.:** He sent back, scowling at the bot until Optimus returned to him and his faceplates fell to a pained expression.

“Here you are.” Optimus told him softly, extending his arm out to the smaller mech when a thought struck him. “Oh, forgive me but, but I did not catch your designation.” He said weakly, peering over at Rue apologetically but the femme merely glared back at him before turning away once more.

**_She truly does hate me…_ **

Starscream smiled at Optimus. “I, well many call me Wreckage but for a bot that saved my life you could call me…”

Megatron’s reaction was as fiery as it was instantaneous and Starscream gapped as his leader sprung from her berth, her optics narrowed to slits as she stared at him hatefully. “FRAG OFF ST… Arrgh Wreckage! This is not some pleasure cruise! This _magnificent_ savior of yours SLAUGHTERED OUR PEOPLE!”

Starscream stared flatly at his Lord, unaffected by her fury as he was more than used to Megatron snapping but Optimus, he shrunk in on himself even more so than before.

“Rue I…” The massive mech began only to step back as Megatron turned her fury on him.

“You get to say nothing! I was addressing my colleague, the last one left to me thanks to you and your wretched Autobots!” She yelled at him, her little frame standing tall but she still only came up to the bottom of his chest.

To Starscream the image was vastly amusing and he snapped a shot of it before shaking his helm sadly at the Prime. “My companion suffers from poor anger management, please don’t take anything _Rue_ spouts at you to spark.”

Megatron saw red, his optics blazing as he turned on his first in command. “You little…” He began, his entire frame shaking for his fury when suddenly his voice cracked and his vision went white.

 ** _Wh-what…_** Was the last thing Megatron thought before his helm exploded in agony just like before!

“RUE!” Optimus cried, his strong arms reaching out just in time to stop her from collapsing to the ground.

“AHHHHH!” Rue screamed, grabbing at her helm as she had earlier and her frame twitched wildly in his arms.

Starscream gaped at the scene, his processor reeling with what was happening to his Master when he remembered the slight glitch he had had earlier. **_Hmm, maybe he is suffering through the transition worse than I? I wonder what that will mean for him, for us?_**

Optimus knelt on the floor, holding the femme tight to him as she shook and cried out. ** _What do I do!? Should I get Ratchet? She came out of the attack just fine before but…_**

After another moment her cries fell silent and she lay limply in his arms panting with exhaustion. Optimus still wasn’t sure if he should call Ratchet, his spark hammering nearly as fast as hers now…

“Rue? Rue, are… Do you need a medic?” He asked, feeling lost to all of this. Why did he always feel lost with this femme?

As Optimus fretted over the frame he held Starscream watched it all with wide optics.

**_The Prime is holding Megatron, cooing at him like… Like a… Ohhhhh. Oh my._ **

His optics narrowed then, taking in the image more closely. Optimus wasn’t just holding her, not like some unknown bot but… But he was _cradling_ her, cradling her like this fragile thing, rubbing her helm as gently as one would a sparkling or a…

A…

 ** _A lover. Ohhh Primus, I wonder!?_** In a way Starscream was a little disappointed by his observation. He would have been more than happy to continue his flirtation with the Prime. What a conquest that would be if he actually manipulated the mech in such a way but, from what played out before him now, it was clear Optimus was already attached to Megatron, to Rue, even if he himself didn’t realize it.

 ** _Though, there is some past between he and Megatron isn’t there? I do not remember._** Starscream wondered but figured it didn’t really matter. It didn’t matter if the Prime was invested in Megatron intimately or if it was just through guilt, it only mattered that the connection was there.

Now if only he could get Megatron to see the power that could give them both in this very limited situation. That would be the hard part.

As Megatron’s first officer schemed behind him, Optimus was focused solely on the femme he held. He was just about to comm Ratchet when her optics creaked open and she looked at him hazily.

“Wh-what…” She mumbled, groaning as the back of her helm continued to throb.

Optimus vented out in relief. “Thank Primus… You, you collapsed. Is it your processor again?” He asked, making sure to speak slowly and softly to not overwhelm the weary femme.

“I… I don’t kn-know…” She mumbled in response, her helm falling back against his arm as she vented and Optimus felt frozen.

For just a moment she was allowing herself to be weak with him. She wasn’t clawing at him, screaming at him, her cables weren’t clenched so tightly they might snap no, no she just let him hold he as she recovered.

 ** _Maybe, maybe it is a step?_** He thought, surprising himself with how good that made him feel and, for the first time all day he felt that ached in his spark ease, just a little, but he would take it.

“May I pick you up?” He inquired softly, smiling behind his mask as she grunted a yes. He went slow, carefully gathering his legs under him as he lifted her and moved her frame gently to the berth. “I am going to lay you down now, would you like a blanket?”

Rue mumbled, apparently losing all fight after the attack so he took that for a yes and quickly went about the task.

Starscream never took his optics off the odd scene the entire time, making note of everything from Optimus’s optics, to how cautious he was, how softly he spoke…

**_Frag it all. Out of all the bots in this world he falls for Megatron, I actually feel bad for him._ **

Finally Megatron seemed tucked away well enough for Optimus to step back but his optics did linger just a little longer than needed before he sighed and face Starscream. “Has this ever happened to her before?” He asked, his voice low and nervous.

Starscream thought about how to answer that, thought about how there would be many things he might have to answer and keep his and Megatron’s stories consistent and believable.

He started a recording.

“Never, could have been from her injuries from the blast.” He said, making sure to look as sad and pathetic as possible as he spoke. “I wonder if I too shall have such issues.”

Optimus blinked at him, a flicker of shame fleeting through his optics before he peered back down at Rue. “I… I am so very sorry.” He murmured, the ache in his spark returning with a vengeance.

Had he helped this happen to Rue? What did that mean for the femme? What was happening to her?

Starscream smiled sadly at the Prime. “Who can say we didn’t deserve it?” He offered with a dramatic whimper and he curled into himself to nail the false regret home.

In ways he did feel for what happened to the citizens of Tarn but he… He had learned long ago the world was not fair. Why feel anything for something like loss? If anything now none of them were starving any longer, none of them cold, and they had died together…

That was something, wasn’t it?

**_S-something…_ **

Starscream huffed, his sulking feeling all too authentic when he felt a shadow fall over him and he looked up to find Optimus standing right next to him. The larger mech looked torn, his optics flickering as his shaking servo reached out for Starscream’s shoulder but stopped mere inches away.

“I… No one deserves what happened to your people.” He said stiffly, looking away just as a gleam of coolant began to build in them.

The hidden Decepticon chuckled inwardly, again amazed at how different _this_ Prime was to the one he had observed through their battles. **_He seems so young here, so lost… I wonder…_**

“How old are you Prime?” He asked, his voice unexpectedly gruff, but it _absolutely_ wasn’t because of emotions!

Optimus turned back to him, a look of pure shock on his faceplates. “A-age?” He asked, his optics lowering as he thought.

Starscream waited patiently, peeking around the larger mech at Megatron while he did so. He was worried over whatever happened to the mech but more out of selfish concern than anything.

If they were suffering through the transfer that meant they had precious little time to get back to their frames and escape.

**_If we can even animate our frames again… No, no Shockwave is probably working on a solution right now. Soundwave wouldn’t waste a moment explaining what happened, he would know we’d need a way to make it back to our frames._ **

Being big was a wonder, he supposed, but Starscream loved his frame. He loved how sleek he was, his transformation, his colors. He was glorious and he would be again!

Too many moments passed for such a simple question he noticed, pulling his attention from his leader and looking back at Optimus but the mech seemed lost and was just staring at the floor with empty optics.

“Uhhh, P-Prime?” He started, reaching out for the mech and it was only once he touched Optimus’s extended servo that the mech jumped.

“I… F-forgive me.” Optimus stammered, shaking his helm clear of whatever he had been locked in before kneeling next to the bed so that Starscream could see him a little easier.

That was nice of him.

Optimus chuckled as he settled down, idly picking at his knee joint as he did so. “I, I do not seem to know how old I am.” He said with a shrug and another laugh but it was a hollow sounding thing. “I remember precious little from my time before the Matrix came to me.”

Starscream nodded. **_Ahh yes, that is why they were connected. That archivist, or clerk, or historian… Hmm…_**

“Ahh yes. I recall hearing something about that.” He began, peering at the Prime curiously for a klik, pondering just how deep that hole went and how far he could push the Prime down it. “Uhh, there are rumors as well that your past self knew Megatr…”

The change in the Prime was instant. His frame froze, his vents ceasing, his optics wide and unblinking but it was gone just as quickly.

**_Hmmm… Amazing control Prime but, I saw that. What an unexpected weakness._ **

Optimus chuckled once more, playing off his reaction but he couldn’t meet the other mech in the optics as he responded. “Yes, my past self knew Megatron, or Megatronus as… As he was in the beginning or, or so I was told.” He muttered, clearly lying or omitting something but about what, Starscream wasn’t certain.

**_Shall we push harder?_ **

“He is dead, yes?” Starscream asked mournfully and again the Prime stiffened a bit but he seemed more prepared for the blow this time.

“Yes.” Was all he said, his gears tightening as he prepared to leave. Evidently Starscream had gotten all he could out of the mech for now.

“Uhh, what is going to happen to us?” Starscream asked hastily, trying his best to keep the Prime with him just a little longer. He needed all the information he could get to be ready for what was to come and right now, Optimus was the only one with the answers.

The Prime vented out, shutting his optics for a moment before turning back to Starscream. “Well Wreckage you and your… Uhh, Rue.” He paused, looking between the two bots oddly before continuing. “You are both under _my_ protection. I, I cannot allow you to… You aren’t my prisoners but…”

Starscream scoffed. “But we aided an enemy force and I am certain your _ever forgiving_ Senate will take issue with that.” He finished for the mech and Optimus nodded apologetically in turn.

“It, it is just for now. Once things… Once things slow down maybe…” The Prime stumbled over his words, knowing that things weren’t going to slow down, not any time soon at least. He sighed again, shaking his helm as his spark crackled painfully in its chamber. “Wreckage, there is a good chance things are going to get worse before they get better. I, I am going to take you home with me. Perhaps, after some time, trust will build between us.”

Starscream almost laughed out loud at that but luckily Optimus looking longingly at Megatron distracted him enough that he remained silent. **_Ohh Megatron. Do you even realize the power you have over this mech?_**

“Anyways, IF that happens perhaps you could begin to work with us or, or for yourselves…” Optimus waved his servo weakly at the two bots. “I… I know so much has been taken from you both and I, I cannot give that back but… But I hope to assist you by, by giving you something of a life. Something to live for…”

Starscream nodded, peering at his leader with a truly broken expression. Why not help Megatron solidify his control of the Prime?

“I am more worried about her. Rue, Rue has been through so much, thus why she has such a difficult time managing her anger. She has seen such pain, been lower caste all her life and now lost… Ohhh… E-excuse me.” He stammered, trembling his lower derma as he looked away in despair.

Optimus felt like just crumbling to the ground as the green mech broke, that pain in his spark more like an inferno at this point and it only burned hotter as he listened to Rue’s weak vents.

**_Gods… What am I doing? What do I do? How, how can I possibly give these two mechs any hope!? HOW!?_ **

“Ohh forgive me.” Starscream began again, wiping at his optics even though they were dry. “I just, just worry. She wanted to help the Decepticons because they had helped so many in Tarn, that is all Prime. That is all any of us wanted to do.”

Optimus needed to hold to the doorframe so he didn’t fall. “I… I know.” He whispered, his audials ringing for some reason.

A false sob escaped the Decepticon, he had the Prime right where he wanted him…

“We didn’t want to be heroes, we didn’t want to fight, we just… We just wanted to help those that helped us.” He brought his optics up, both wide, grief stricken, broken looking...

It had to be perfect.

Starscream sniffled, his optics dim as he looked up at his Prime. “Hero s-stuff… That is made f-for b-better mechs th-than us...” He whispered, making certain his voice shook the entire time and he knew he had hit a mark as the Prime keened and his faceplates went pale.

Optimus couldn’t vent, his vision was growing fuzzy, the ringing in his audials like screams now…

Like the screams of all those that he, _the hero_ , didn’t save. **_P-Primus, Primus I… H-help? Help? Ohhhh…_**

“E-enough W-Wreckage…”

Both Starscream and Optimus started as a weak voice suddenly broke through the oppressive silence.

Starscream groaned silently as he turned to look at Megatron. **:Megatron, I am doing this for a…:**

 **:No.:** His leader interrupted him, the femme’s optics dim with pain but narrowed in anger as she glared at him. **:You will not use their deaths like, like this.:** Megatron threatened, flashing her optics once more before turning their gaze upon the Prime but instead of remaining in their hateful glower Starscream was surprised as they seemed to soften.

In fact, it almost looked like there was pity in them, almost.

“P-Prime…”

Rue’s voice called to him from somewhere in the room but Optimus could hardly hear her. The screams were everything now, each of them different, each of them begging for mercy, crying out to the sky that was filled with fire and missiles, each begging to understand why…

Why them?

Why must they die?

What did they do wrong?

Why did they need to suffer?

Why did their children…

**_Sparklings… Sparklings l-lost… Why? WHY!?_ **

“I… E-excuse…” Optimus stammered, blinking so rapidly he wasn’t sure if he was actually blinking or his optics were glitching…

Megatron glared angrily at Starscream once more as the Prime weakly stumbled away. **:Damnit Starscream. Is there nothing you cannot make worse?:** He chided the other mech but Starscream merely shrugged in return.

 **:I think this went beautifully, Lord Megatron. Just wait until you see what I have recorded. Getting Optimus on our side is going to be one of the simplest missions we have ever had to accomplish. We will be out of here in no time.:** He added at the end, reminding his leader just what kind of situation they were in and _why_ he was doing what he was doing.

**_Leave it to Megatron to not appreciate the help I am providing him! Bastard._ **

Megatron frowned at his first in command but, he knew the mech was right. Getting Optimus on their side would make escape far easier he just hoped it wouldn’t take more than he was comfortable with to get them there.

Starscream may have been one for schemes and games but Megatron would much rather beat his problems into submission. He had no taste for torture and when he woke up and heard what Starscream was spewing out at the Prime that is exactly what he heard.

Suddenly there was a loud bang from further down the hall, like something huge had fallen or _someone_ , and then the sound of retching...

Starscream smiled at his Lord. “See, perfectly…” He whispered and Megatron’s optics hardened. “If you are so worried go check on him.” Starscream suggested when his optics suddenly flashed at the idea. “Actually, you really _should_ go check on him.”

Megatron scoffed. **:He is fine.:** He answered shortly when Starscream growled at him.

**:Obviously you don’t like my tactics but _maybe_ because he has such a connection to you…”**

This time Megatron laughed, although quietly so the vomiting Prime couldn’t hear him. **:I think your helm needs to be examined.:**

 **:As does _yours_.: **Starscream shot back, his optical ridge lifting suggestively at the other bot.

That shut his leader up real quick.

**_Accursed fool will let this opportunity to pass out of arrogance._ **

Sighing Starscream waved a servo at the door. **:You didn’t see how he reacted when you were hurt my Lord. Perhaps you do not like the way _I_ am working this so, why waste this opportunity?:**

 **:You want me to play with him!? _Absolutely not_!: **Megatron answered with a snarl one Starscream echoed before pushing himself off his berth.

**: _Fine_ , if you won’t, _I will!_ I don’t know about you _Master,_ but I have no intention of being an Autobot PET for the rest of my life and plan on doing anything I need to get out of here!:**

**:Even being an Autobot whore!?:** Megatron asked in disgust and Starscream shook his helm in amazement.

 **:If it gets me out of here.:** He answered evenly as he began moving to the door but he paused right before it and smiled back at the golden femme behind him. **:Who knows, maybe I will LIKE being his whore OR… Maybe he will like being mine?:**

The variety of emotions that suddenly erupted on his Lord’s faceplates was awe inspiring. There was disgust first, then disbelief, shock, and then fury.

Megatron kicked the blanket of like a mad mech, leaping out of the berth and stomping up to Starscream as if he, as if _she_ weren’t merely half his size.

Suddenly Starscream appreciated his new frame a little more and he made certain to raise himself to his full height as his little Lord sneered up at him.

**:Watch yourself Starscream. We may be locked in this wretched nightmare together but that doesn’t mean I won’t just have a glitch and somehow you not wake up one morning.:**

Starscream’s smile grew even larger as he stepped in closer to his leader. **:My, my Lord Megatron. If I didn’t know any better I would think you might be jealous.:**

Megatron scoffed, _her_ pretty faceplates scrunching up at him with loathing. **:You are a fool Starscream. I just have no taste for this game of yours and would rather not see _my_ Decepticons be diminished by your filthy actions.:**

Starscream leaned down towards his leader, enjoying the twitch of apprehension that followed the move. Obviously Megatron was getting a decent idea of just how little control he actually possessed here. **:You say _your_ Decepticons Megatron, and they are for now, but let’s say I play my game. Let’s say the Prime begins to trust me, learns to lean on me, gives me more freedoms… I already informed you I am willing to do anything I need to get out of here. Perhaps you should ask yourself how important it is for YOU to escape? Be a shame if you just ended up in chains because of that temper.:**

Megatron bristled yet he wasn’t stupid enough to not contemplate the other mech’s words, nor his aspiration to meet his goals. **_Of all my officers I get stuck here with the lowliest wretch…_**

 **:Keep one optic open Starscream.:** He sent before sidestepping around the bastard’s hulking frame and storming out of the room.

Starscream snorted after his leader. **_I hate him, I hate him so fragging much! If only I didn’t need him to esca…_** He looked down at his massive servos, his processor whirling as he considered the power he now possessed.

He had always been brilliant but there was one thing Megatron (okay more than one thing) that his leader had over him and that was size, size and followers who would lay down their life for him.

**_Hmmm… I have the size advantage, perhaps I could get the other through the Autobots themselves._ **

A plan began forming then, an alternate in case Megatron became too much of a problem and he needed to succeed alone. If everything worked out he would not only have this frame to assist him but the sympathy of the monsters that destroyed so much he loved…

Starscream chuckled to himself, he could do this, he could do all of this without that feral animal.

**_Besides, I have somehow kept Megatron from killing me for vorns, how hard will it be to manipulate some guilt ridden Autobots?_** He thought, taking in a deep vent before walking towards his berth and ‘accidently’ kicking it with his wounded leg.

 ** _Arrgh frag it all!_** It hurt, it hurt a lot but he felt a bit of satisfaction when he noticed energon begin to seep from the wound.

 ** _Worth it, all worth… Urrgh, I hope so._** He grumbled, limping over to the small call button at the head of his berth and buzzing for a medic.

**_Let the game begin._ **

**_………………………………._ **

Megatron hated that he had allowed Starscream to out-think him. He should have known the little, well not so little, bastard would be scheming since he woke up!

**_Well, maybe if my helm didn’t ache so fragging much. Arrgh, what are those attacks? I need answers but first… Arrrgh damnit._ **

He grit his denta as he turned the hall just to find Optimus on his servos and knees, weakly wiping at the mess he had created earlier.

**_What the frag do I do with this? I have no desire to have anything to do with Starscream’s game or cozying up to this pathetic failure of a…_ **

It was Optimus’s sob that stopped the warlord’s furious march, his optics narrowing as he watched the Prime still in his futile attempt to clean his own vomit from the floor and now he just knelt there, his entire frame shaking, and helm hung low between his shoulders.

Oddly the sight of the Prime so completely ruined looking didn’t give Megatron nearly as much pleasure as he had hoped it would. No, no instead it reminded him of another scene a dark, cursed memory and his spark burned as the file was pulled from it hiding place deep within his processor unwittingly.

 ** _No, no don’t you dare compare him to that! This is nothing like that fucking memory! LEAVE IT!_** Megatron seethed, and yet no matter how much he fought reliving that nightmare it seemed it was not his processor that was leading his descent into it, but his spark.

 ** _N-Noo… No please…_** He was begging now, his optics shutting though he did not remember choosing to close them and suddenly he was back there.

_The hall was dark, cold, the cheers from the chamber behind him thundering in his helm._

_“How could he!? How could he betray me like this!?” His voice a hiss but he couldn’t hide the agony layered deep within it._

_“Megatronus! PLEASE!?”_

_He froze, his frame trembling as he forced himself to not just attack the one who approached, he would never attack this mech…_

_Would he?_

_“LEAVE ME!” He spat, not looking behind him as the rushing pede steps skid to a halt and ragged venting took their place._

_“P-Please… Let me explain…” The voice begged, it was a soft plea, one that held hope…_

_Megatron had hated the hope he heard, wanted to rip it from the mech like he had ripped it from him._

_“You made your choice, as I have mine.” He answered sternly, moving to walk forwards as a crash was heard and that first sob._

_“P-please Megatronus! I, I was only t-trying to h-help! I d-did this f-for us, f-for YOU!”_

_That had burned, that had burned so badly, in so many different ways but Megatron wouldn’t let this weakness rule over him._

_Never again._

_His weakness was what made him rely on this mech, made him grow to trust him, to welcome him to his cause, made him a front runner, gave him a VoiCe, to give him his SpArK!_

_Megatron had spun on the sobbing traitor, his pede steps booming, drowning out the agony in his spark, the hateful cheers… EvEryThINg!_

_His shadow had consumed the shivering mech, his kneeling form lifting once Megatron was close enough and for just a moment that hope glittered in his optics…_

_“M-Megatronus I, I love…”_

_“You are dead to me Orion Pax.” He had stopped the wretch’s words before they became too real, too powerful._

_He wanted this mech to hurt._

_Hurt like he did._

_“I abhor the fact that I allowed myself to become tainted by something as vile as you and perhaps it will take vorns to wash it away but I assure you, I will cleanse your filth from my existence.” Megatron had snarled, lowering himself down just enough and he had smiled as the parasite flinched away from him._

_It was the first time he had ever done so, that meant he was finally understanding the damage he had done._

_That pleased Megatron and destroyed him._

_He had had to force his next words out, his throat nearly bleeding for how tight it was. “Prepare yourself Orion, next time we meet one of us will die.”_

_That was when the hope died in his lover’s optics. He curled his long claws around it, ripped it from his traitorous spark, and crushed it right in front of his tear stained optics._

_Orion’s hope and consequently, his own._

_He turned then, turned away from the only mech he had ever let in, ever allowed himself to be small with, love… How foolish he had been, how weak._

_Never again…_

“Ohhh g-gods, Primus. Primus please… I c-can’t…”

A tattered prayer is what Megatron back to himself and he swayed a bit as reality hit him. **_Arrrgh what, what the f-frag…_**

Unfortunately between the helm ache earlier and sudden memory file he was more disoriented than ever. What started as a little stumble turned into a fall, his servos reaching out and thankfully gripping the wall before he fell on his faceplates but the crash that sounded because of it was terribly loud…

Optimus gasped as something banged behind him, his frame scrambling back and optics bulging up in fear, in embarrassment when he stopped his frantic escape just to find Rue standing there.

For a klik the two bots stared at one another, one weakly leaning against the side wall as the other shook from where he sat frozen on the floor, a drying puddle of purged energon between them.

The Prime couldn’t move, he could hardly vent his processor firing off too rapidly to catch any singular thought or emotion. He felt everything, thought of everything all at once, all in front of the femme that loathed him more than life itself.

Megatron growled, trying to push himself away from the wall but he had no strength. Venting out he placed his aching forehelm against the wall he clung to, took a moment to collect himself before he looked back at Optimus…

**_Oh gods… His mask, it opens and...._ **

Vorns, vorns had passed and Megatron had never seen the Prime without the thing, hadn’t known if Optimus could even remove it and figured he had to fuel as Shockwave now did but…

No.

No it opened and when it did…

**_O-Orion… He, he has O-Orion’s f-face…_ **

There it was, there it was as clear, as frightened, as broken, as tear stained as it had been in the last memory Megatron had of the mech and to see it, to see it after so long, after so much…

Optimus finally slowed down enough to think, to finally vent and when his panic ebbed he realized just what kind of situation he was in, what _Rue_ had found him in.

“Ohhh, f-forgive me.” He stammered, wiping at his tears as he rushed to clean up his mess, his frame hitching from how hard he had been crying but he just hoped she wouldn’t care. Frag, half of him wished she would just call him pathetic and move on to wherever she had been headed but, but she did none of those things sadly…

Instead she stumbled closer.

 ** _No... Please. I… I don’t want to fight. Please… I can’t…_** Optimus keened as her pedes filled his vision, his frame stiffening as he prepared himself to be berated for his weakness, for how he had no right to cry when he was the murderer, when he had left her people to be destroyed…

**_She is right, I am wretched, I deserve this, I deserve…_ **

And then there was a servo under his chin, a small, shaking thing and her voice called to him.

“Look at me.”

Optimus couldn’t have stopped himself had he tried. His helm rose to her, her call like that of a siren, of something that could not be denied and as his optics rose his trance deepened as they came to rest upon those wild, emerald orbs.

She stared at him silently, her storm raging nearly as fiercely as his. He wanted to ask her if she was alright, apologize for the embarrassing way she found him but he could do none of those things…

All he could do was stare and wait for her to choose the next step.

Megatron felt shattered, shattered and so uncertain as he bore into Optimus’s optics. He had seen these optics thousands of times, over and over again through their countless battles but, as before,he had never seen them like this nor had he seen them when they weren’t blazing over that wretched mask.

“You have been there.” He whispered, the words spilling out unconsciously as his thumb slowly ran along the Prime’s exposed dermas.

He knew them so well, once upon a time.

Optimus vented in at the touch, his wide optics softening at the caress, his spark calming and frame relaxing. He moved forwards a bit, until he sat on his legs before her.

 ** _Rue… You, you are… You…_** The Prime couldn’t find the words, there were too many, there was too much that a definition seemed impossible.

How might one describe the suns to a blind mech, how might one describe the rich wonderful sound of true laughter to one who could not hear it, the wonder of watching a sparklings dancing if they had never seen one?

But why?

Why this?

Why this with her when, when she _hated_ him?

Why did he…

“R-Rue…” He moaned, his voice thick, broken sounding but…

But…

“Holy frag, Optimus!”

And then the trance exploded.

Rue pulled her servo back in an instant, her optics hardening as she snarled and glared hatefully at him before spinning on her heel and stomping back the way she came.

**_What? What just…_ **

Optimus blearily watched her go, his spark hammering once more as Ratchet ran to his side.

“Frag mech, are you alright? Did _she_ do this?” He growled, gesturing angrily to the vomit and Optimus’s tears stained faceplates.

Optimus’s helm cleared up instantly at the accusation. “W-what? No. No I… She… I was just. I became overwhelmed.” He muttered, looking away from the medic as he tried to wipe his face clear.

Ratchet shook his helm irritably, his optics blazing as they looked to where the femme had disappeared. “Frag it all.” He grumbled before turning back to Optimus, his spark aching as he found the youth trying to clean his mess even though his servos were shaking like mad. “Damnit Prime, let me do that! Go, go fragging rest, when was the last time you recharged?”

Optimus waved his trembling servos in protest. “I, I can do this old friend. I didn’t mean to…”

“WHEN!?” Ratchet barked, folding his arms around his chest and Optimus sighed.

He knew he wasn’t going to win this battle.

“It, it has been a while.” He admitted, wearily rising to his pedes as Ratchet stared heatedly at him. “Very well, th-thank you Ratchet. I am sorry for adding to your troubles.”

“Just get some fragging rest!” The medic snapped back but as Optimus’s optics dimmed his irritation eased and he vented out patiently. “Optimus, you need to rest. The, the next few days…”

“I, I know… I know.” Optimus whispered, smiling slightly before his mask snapped back into place. He nodded to the medic once more patting him on the shoulder before turning and making his way to his berth room.

Ratchet watched him the entire way, his optics flickering with fear for his Prime, a fear that had only been itching at him before but after what he had seen here…

Optimus on his knees, crying as that insane femme _pet_ him like some, arrrgh… What the frag was Optimus thinking!?

**_What is it with this femme? Is, is it just what happened in Tarn? Why is he letting her get to him like this! What the frag did I walk in one!? She… She wants to fragging take his SPARK for PRIMUS SAKE! She TOLD HIM SO!_ **

Once Optimus was clear of his line of sight Ratchet lifted his servo to his radio and commed Jazz. **:Jazz!:**

There was a crackle of static and for a klik wondered if it would be too land the darker mech would already be sleeping when a panting voice answered.

**_Oh Primus…_ **

**:K-Kinda uhhhhh, baaad timing mech.:** Jazz sent, laughter in his voice.

Ratchet rolled his optics. **_Fraggin younglings all of them. Horny stupid younglings._**

**:I will keep this brief. Find everything you can on these fragging survivors, especially the femme. I think she might be manipulating Optimus.:**

He grimaced as more time passed, his imagination lending him terrible thoughts on just _why_ it was taking so long but when Jazz answered once again but thankfully he sounded far less, umm occupied.

**:Manipulating? Already? Damn, femme has skill.:**

Ratchet nearly clawed his optics out for how hard he was rubbing them. **:Jazz this is _serious_! Please, I _beg you_ , take this seriously! She…: **He stopped, biting his glossa even though his spark was screaming at him to tell someone, anyone about why he was so afraid but…

**_But what if I am wrong? What if I am just placing my fear of the Senate on her? I… I need more information to work with._ **

**:Alright, alright mech. Me and Prowler got ya. He says he will talk to her tomorrow. You want me to talk to the mech? Ah’ would be more worried bout him, he is fragging huge.:**

Ratchet scoffed. **:I am on my way to him now, apparently he injured his leg and he needs a weld. I can try and get a little more out of him.:**

A moan answered him and Ratchet felt his tanks roll. **_Why, why do I ever hope for decorum?_**

**:Alright, uuhhhh… T-talk to ya…:**

**:OH, JUST GET OFF THE LINE!:** He snapped, shutting the line down and Jazz’s laughter in the process.

**_Primus, why did you curse me like this? Why couldn’t I be in Magnus’s crew? At least they have some dignity left._ **

He shook his helm once more, erasing Jazz’s moans from his memory files as he made his way to the med bay. He would clean Optimus’s mess up later for now, he had a patient to tend to and interrogate.

**_Well, at least this mech seems far more willing to cooperate, maybe I can get him to help me learn more about this Rue? Just need to be smart about all of this._ **

He set his dermas, his optics sharp but friendly… He knew the art of manipulation, had used it in varying forms through his career as a medic. He had eased the fears of the sick, ebbed the horror of death for so many… He could do this.

He would do this to save his young, lost, far too honorable Prime.

**_Let the game begin._ **


	3. Looking Deeper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! Another looong chapter, over 14,000 words... I hope slag doesn't get lost in its length. Sooo, they 'arrive' in Iacon but don't leave the ship just yet.  
> Lots of angst here, some uncomfortable moments but not enough that I think I need to add tags, might be wrong...  
> Anywho, please enjoy! Sorry for errors, annnnd all that jazz. :)

**_Damnit Prime, do they just have the run of the ship?_ **

Ratchet forced himself not to growl as he walked into the med bay just to find the femme’s berth empty. **_Slag it… Means she is up and running around the shuttle somewhere and half the crew is in recharge._**

He peered over at the only other bot in the room, the green mech whose designation he had yet to learn. He was venting shallowly as he laid back on his berth, his bleeding leg pulled up and servos protectively covering it. The mech’s optics were shut but was clearly still awake.

**_At least he stays put. Argh, that femme is going to be trouble, she already is and Optimus is just… Optimus._ **

Ratchet knocked on the wall beside him, more out of civility than anything, considering he was already in the room. He needed to remember he was here for answers and he doubted he would get them by allowing his irritation at Rue to get the better of him.

Now if only he could keep that up.

“Medic here.” He muttered, instantly cursing himself for his tone, seems it was going to be harder to play this act than he thought.

Starscream had to bite the inside of his intake to keep himself from grumbling at how long it took for anyone to respond to his call. He contemplated the numerous ways he would have berated Hook or Knockout for doing the same thing BUT, instead he opened his optics and smiled.

“Th-thank you for c-coming.” He welcomed the medic softly, making sure to sound as kind as ever just to have his kindness fizzle a bit as Ratchet grunted in response. **_Accursed medic… Does he truly just brush off any kindness or praise? How am I supposed to woo a miserable aft like him?_**

“I am the only medic on the shuttle, sorry for the wait.” Ratchet weakly explained, his optics glancing back at the empty berth angrily and suddenly something clicked for the hidden Decepticon.

**_Ahhh, he doesn’t seem to trust Mega… Rue at all. Hmm, that can be helpful as well as hindering if I am not careful. And Megatron says I make everything difficult, pfft._ **

“I am afraid I do not know where my companion has gone off to.” He offered with an apologetic smile. “I assumed we had little right to walk around.”

Ratchet scowled at the mech for a moment. “Well _technically_ you are both prisoners and _technically_ you should have _no_ rights but, you happened to be captured by one of the softest sparked idiots in the Autobot forces.” He growled out only to again curse his frustration. He just confirmed to this mech how lenient Optimus was being with all of this.

**_Arrgh, keep your intake shut with that! Don’t need another one using the Prime’s kindness against him._ **

Starscream of course already knew the weakness Optimus’s honor afforded him and merely let his optics gleam with appreciation. “I… I imagine, with anyone else, we would not only be in a holding cell but be denied medical care. It might be unwise of him to trust us this much, but I am thankful.”

The medic’s optic twitched a bit as he stared at his patient. “Yeah, well… Sadly you aren’t wrong about anyone else getting you two. Especially your friend Rue there.”

Starscream chuckled lightly, his brilliant mind whirling with how to respond to that. So far Ratchet seemed standoffish with every bot he interacted with, Decepticon or Autobot alike. He was cold, rude, short in replies, a no-nonsense kind of mech with all he spoke with…

All except one, Optimus Prime.

**_Uggh, out of all mechs to emulate it has to be the hardest._ **

He sighed heavily as he considered how Optimus might answer. He was nothing like the Prime but if he could get through to this mech, as well as the others it would improve his chances for escape exponentially so, ill placed sympathy for all it was. “I, I know she comes off… Well wretchedly, but Rue is, she is good. Good at spark if nothing else.” He peered up at the medic, biting his lower derma as he still found doubt deeply imbedded in the other mech’s optics.

He needed to dig deeper into his new found character, no matter how humiliating it was.

**_Ugh… Just play the part and stop griping._ **

Starscream wrapped his arms around himself, making his large form look as small as possible. “She… We lost friends tonight, friends, s-sparklings… Is that absolutely an excuse, no, but I know she is hurting because of it, blaming herself… I know I blame myself.”

As Ratchet’s optics widened and his faceplates paled even more than their usual pearly white Starscream cheered internally. **_Gotcha… Cheap weak point, even for me, but I have finally found a decent reason for Megatron’s attitude thus ensuring the continuation of his ungrateful spark and mine. For a little while longer, at least._**

Ratchet lowered his helm, racing through the report Prowl had sent him earlier of those found dead but so far he had only compiled a servo full of identities for the death roster.

They had left a small crew behind to finish the… The awful task of burying the citizens and would have more results tomorrow but, but that he hadn’t even thought of looking for sparkling I.D.s…

 ** _So much has happened, I… I haven’t had a klik to even consider…_** He glanced mournfully at the femme’s berth, his spark warring with his processor over how to feel about her now.

Had he had been so focused on her threat to Optimus that he hadn’t really considered what, both she and this mech had lost?

It seemed so.

Sure, he had felt sorrow for what happened but he hadn’t really taken in the whole picture of what was destroyed in Tarn, not like Optimus had at any rate.

“I… Yeah…” He mumbled, shyly looking over to the curled up mech. For such a large bot he could certainly make himself look small.

Starscream kept his optics down, one servo idly rubbing at his injured leg as he sniffled. **_These fools care too damn much._** He mused as the medic awkwardly walked up to his berth side.

“Umm, what’s your designation?” Ratchet asked softly and Starscream grimaced at the question.

**_Wreckage, what kind of mind numb fool would enjoy such a name?_ **

He smiled up at the medic nervously. “I, I am called Wreckage.” He offered, his frustration for the designation growing as a hint of confusion filtered through Ratchet’s optics.

“Wreckage, eh? I guess it suits your frame.” The medic mumbled sarcastically without thinking, his optics quickly widening as he realized _again_ his words had gotten away from him.

**_Arrgh, what the frag am I doing!? We were just talking about everyone he lost and now I am making fun of his designation!?_ **

He backpedaled.

“I mean, you speak eloquently is all. Wreckage seems a bit uh, simple for a mech with a processor like yours.” He stumbled out, his optics still wide and horrified looking until the poorly named Wreckage began to laugh.

“I actually appreciate that.” Starscream said honestly. “But given my caste you are not given much of a choice.” Which was true plus, the mech that used to inhabited his frame didn’t truly fit the designation either. Starscream had only spoken to him briefly but he had seemed capable and held an interest in medicine…

Maybe he could find some of his old files to help him impress the Autobot medic further? **_Well, as long as I don’t have to dig too deep. Don’t want to set off any triggers and get erased._**

Ratchet’s optics dimmed a bit at that and he nodded. “Yeah… This world.” He sighed, actually giving the green mech a small smile, one Starscream made sure to return. “Let’s have a look at that wound?”

As the medic settled in next to him Starscream was happy to lean back and let himself be spoiled. For once it was nice to not have to deal with arguments as he was repaired, a common occurrence when it came to dealing with Decepticon ‘care’.

 ** _Might as well enjoy the finer things while I have them._** He mused, shutting his optics , surprising even himself with the trust he was giving his sworn enemy with the gesture and that was when he realized something.

When was the last time he felt this relaxed, this protected?

His optics creaked open, each dilating for the light that blazed down at them from the ceiling. That thought, that little epiphany, realization whatever it might but it, it hurt.

Like really hurt.

It wasn’t pretend, it wasn’t some lie, it was truth…

Actual _truth_ …

When was the last time _that_ had happened!?

“Hey, you are alright.” The medic’s voice suddenly floated up to him and Starscream jolted a little as a servo fell to his shoulder.

“I, I know…” He stuttered back, confused why his chest felt so tight, why his vents were strained, why…

Why his faceplates were, were _wet_?

**_What the frag?_ **

As he wiped at his faceplates and stared at the servo in awe Ratchet smiled gently at him.

“I… I am sorry for being so short earlier.” The medic apologized, his vow low but soft. “I, it has been one Pit of a war and… And I just forget what it is like to not be on edge.”

Starscream slowly tore his gaze from his servo, his optics blinking oddly at the smaller mech before he began to laugh. It started small, quiet but soon grew and even Ratchet began to chuckle with him.

 ** _On edge… Who the frag wasn’t on edge these days?_** The Decepticon thought, shaking hiss helm as his laughter dwindled, but peacefully so.

“I accept you apology uhh, Ratchet yes?” He offered, pretending he didn’t know the medic’s designation you know, for show, but he was surprised as his words seemed to carry a taste with them.

**_I wonder what that is about?_ **

Ratchet nodded. “Yeah I am Ratchet, or Doc as some of these idiot younglings like to call me.” He griped but there was affection in his voice, even if he didn’t realize it.

 ** _What is with these mechs?_** Starscream pondered, internally frowning as he tried to understand the world he was now entrapped in. He always knew the Autobots were emotional fools but, but as he broke through the layers of those emotions and their origins he… He was finding himself losing ground rather than gaining it.

He had no idea how they could all be so nice.

**_Well, not all of them are. I know for a fact the Senate holds mostly monsters, then there is their lapdog Sentinel. More like a mercenary than Autobot general… How the frag is the Prime going to keep us safe from the likes of him?_ **

Starscream truly frowned now and peeked at the working medic. “Will… Does the Prime mean what he said? That he will, considering who we are, that he will protect us?”

Ratchet’s servos stilled at the question, his spark aching with the possibly devastating promise Optimus had made. Not only did the mech mean every word but would probably die just to ensure his personal mission’s success.

That was a harrowing thought.

Ratchet placed his welder down with a sigh as he considered his answer. He wasn’t sure if he should let this mech know just… Just how vehemently Optimus would fight for him and Rue.

**_You will fight for them too, foolishly so… Frag it Optimus._ **

He forced a smile as he looked up at his patient’s orange optics. It was funny, he hadn’t really noticed their color before, maybe because he had previously seen him as nothing more than another enemy?

Don’t really notice optic hues during battle.

“Wreckage, Optimus… As long as you both listen, as long as both of you stay out of trouble he… He will do everything in his power to keep you safe.” He assured the mech, patting his servo afterwards.

Starscream titled his helm thoughtfully another question eating at him. It was one that had been eating at him since the start of all this but he felt he already knew the answer. “He didn’t order the raid, did he?”

His suspicions were confirmed as the medic stiffened and a low growl escaped him. “No. No, that was _not_ Optimus's doing.”

The Decepticon took that information in and rifled through it. He figured the Prime would never order such an attack, not knowingly at least, and of course the way he reacted to Starscream’s words earlier just highlighted how ruined he felt about the outcome BUT that also told Starscream something else…

Optimus wasn’t the one calling the shots back in Iacon.

That could be exceptionally troublesome.

“So…” He continued, hoping the medic wouldn’t stop talking because of his growing anger. “If he didn’t order the bombing, I imagine he fought against it?”

Ratchet optics twitched, something at the base of his helm tingling nervously at the seemingly innocents questions he was being asked.

He felt like this mech was grilling him for information. Theoretically Wreckage could just be asking to have answers for why a faction like the Autobots allowed his people to be killed but on the other servo…

**_I need to be careful. Though compliant, Wreckage does seem to be an extremely intelligent mech. Sure, I would love to be as ignorant as Optimus and just assume he is being nice because it is his nature but…_ **

Starscream knew he was pushing too much for how long the medic contemplated an answer. **_Hmm, rather bright medic. Seems not all of you are so gullible as your sweet Prime._**

He didn’t say anything though, looking as innocently as he could as he waited for an answer, one that may very well be a lie but he could sort that out later.

“He… He did.” Ratchet finally answered, his voice heavy and optics hardening. “Optimus would never have wanted something like this to happen he, he isn’t one to endanger innocents.”

Starscream mulled that over, surprised when he felt what the mech was giving him was the truth. **_Maybe I am giving you too much credit or, or he wants me to know what we are walking into…_**

“How will he protect us if he couldn’t…” He began and the medic’s hard look darkened.

“Listen Wreckage I… Optimus, he isn’t like you or I, and I know I say this barely knowing you but he…” Ratchet sighed, rubbing his aching neck cables as he searched for the right words but his patient found them first.

“He is more.” Starscream said simply, looking back up at the grey ceiling above. “He is more and not just because he is the Prime. It is him, his core… He is what has defined his Primacy, not that relic inside him.”

Ratchet blinked in surprise at the larger mech’s words, he sounded so genuine. **_Huh, maybe he isn’t so bad after all…_**

“Yes.” Ratchet agreed, a smile growing on his faceplates. “Yes, he is more.”

They were silent for a while, Ratchet gently bandaging the fresh weld before he huffed and started to clean up his tools. “Just be careful on that leg. Your repair systems seem to be lagging, but they aren’t non-functioning. Might just be because most of your systems are still reeling with the shock of, well everything.” He mumbled shamefully.

“Thank you Ratchet, for everything.” Starscream told him with a sad smile, one the medic stiffly returned before forcing his exhausted frame up and heading to the door.

“I need to recharge. Prowl has minimal medical training, as does Arcee in case you need assistance.” He started yet winced as he considered what he had heard when he had messaged Jazz earlier. “Uhhh, might want to try for Arcee tonight. Prowl seemed… He might be busy.”

Starscream’s optics narrowed in confusion at the blush that came across the medic’s faceplates but ignored the oddity as he called to the mech just before he left. “Ratchet? May I ask… How old is the Prime? I asked him but he said he didn’t know.”

Ratchet’s optics flickered at his question, his dermas frowning and optical ridge lowering into a deep scowl. Starscream swallowed hard, uncertain why such an innocent question would anger the mech so much.

**_Frag, what is it with this mech? I mean, it is clear he is extremely protective of Optimus but why does his age…_ **

“He is old enough to know better than even me on some things.” The medic told him vaguely, turning on his heel and continuing his path to the doorway.

 ** _Frag, what did I say!?_** Starscream cursed himself, for whatever it was he screwed up on, it had all been going so well…

“I am sorry!” He cried, just before the other mech disappeared out of the door and was pleased as the bot stilled. **_Ok, he doesn’t hate me at least._**

Ratchet vented in deep but he didn’t face the mech. “I… It is fine. I am sorry for, arrrgh. How to put this? Optimus is… He is ageless let us say.” He murmured, his voice so quiet Starscream had to lean forwards to hear him. “The Prime is ageless but Orion, he was just a kid…” And with that the medic walked away.

 ** _Huh…_** Starscream sat back, running everything he had learned over and over through his processor. **_A kid he said? I suppose that would make sense. Megatron was rather young in the start of all this, I suppose many of us were._**

 ** _Not so young anymore…_** The hidden Decepticon groaned, leaning his frame back as he waited for their arrival in Iacon. He wasn’t certain what they were going to find there, wasn’t certain what new horrors they would face but he knew he needed to be at his best so rest was imperative.

If only he could get his processor to power down.

He shut his optics, willing his thoughts to ease. It wonderful to be as clever as he was but sometimes it was also a curse. Tonight saw that curse was running rampant and he found himself unable to think on anything but what come in the future.

**_Off we go to Iacon. The center of the Autobot forces and command, how wonderful… We will be locked in right under their helms all package nicely for the bastards who pretend to be this world’s heroes._ **

The Senate may lead the Autobots but they were monsters hidden under the guise of righteousness. They had power, they had wealth, they had supplies, and they had the Prime…

 ** _Well, maybe._** Starscream contemplated, thinking of the speech Optimus had given in Tarn.

Maybe they didn’t have Optimus nearly as much as they would have liked?

**_Scrap, what does that mean for Megatron and I? Will we be protected? Will Optimus manage to keep us out of their servos? There is a chance they may not care about two rebellious civilians given they have our frames to flaunt before their sycophantic followers but… But will that sate their need for control long enough or, or might they come after us when they need another high?_ **

**_Will they come after Optimus?_ **

Again his optics creaked open, his spark thumping oddly in its chamber at the thought, one he hadn’t really considered before now, nor understood why he was giving it his time at all.

 _Would_ the Senate target Optimus for keeping them? It already seemed the mech was having trouble with his leaders, was already questioning the might of this wretched government but…

But Optimus was young, or at least his core identity was (explaining many of the bot’s oddities and clear naivety) soo how could he protect either him or Megatron, or himself? He was young and his Primacy was in its infancy comparably to how long the Senate had ruled AND…Optimus wasn’t conniving like those bastards were…

**_Damnit all…_ **

His optics opened wider, the reality of his situation growing more complex by the second. He might very well be walking into a civil war, a war that was just crackling to life as the Decepticons seemingly fizzled into the background but, but that wasn’t true either.

These idiots just wouldn’t see that until it was too late.

**_Primus, the damage we could do if the Autobots began to fracture… I, I need to think on this, I need to make contact with the Decepticons! Arrrgh, but how!? Maybe I could use Optimus somehow, entice him to allow me to use some equipment and I could create a secure radio?_ **

He smiled sadly as he saw the Prime blindly allowing him to do just that. Was there nothing this mech wouldn’t do for those suffering, even if it killed him?

 ** _Huh…_** His optics lifted once more, noticing how the ceiling tiles were speckled with silver and gold flecks, focusing on that and not the ache in his spark when he thought about the Prime’s innocence.

It was the fragger’s own fault! He was too kind, too trusting for this world and now he would die for it, OH WELL!

**_Not my problem! I have enough to deal with!_ **

Starscream sniffled a bit, turning on his side, clumsily, and settled down to rest. He had too much to handle as it was, too much to plan for… Megatron, he would help the mech as long as he remained an asset but once that was over so was Starscream’s assistance and Optimus…

 ** _He is a fool. Fragger deserves to die for his idiocy, plain and simple! One less Autobot to worry about!_** He grumbled inwardly, shutting his optics as he willed himself to recharge.

**_A big, ignorant, disappointingly gullible f-fool and he is going to be torn apart for that…S-Serves him right. Honor, kindness, love… They have no place in this world and, and neither d-does h-he…_ **

It was fair, the strong survive and the weak perish, it was simple as that. Starscream needed to survive and was more than willing to do anything to ensure that happened, he was strong so he lived. Optimus was an idiot that helped those trying to kill him, he was weak. He was weak, stupid, too nice, gentle, caring, he was…

**_More…_ **

“Arrrrgh…” A growl escaped the Decepticon, his denta clenching as his spark continued to ache in his chest, ache for a mech that was his enemy, whom he had tried to kill numerous times, a mech that’s only worth was in how Starscream could USE HIM to escape this nightmare!

Of course, he wouldn’t be able to help much if his own leaders came after him…

 ** _Damnit all! Nothing is ever easy is it!?_** He grumbled, finally shutting his optics for good now that he had dealt with most of his chaotic thoughts.

He needed strength, needed a clear helm to get through this mess and there was no way he would get those things without sleep.

Recharging was good, it would make tomorrow clearer, easier for everyone…

Well, mostly everyone.

**_………………._ **

“NNNNNNOOOOO!”

A scream was what ripped the slumbering Prime out of his fitful recharge, a ragged voice echoing off the walls around him and only once he sat up did he realize the wretched sound was coming from _him_.

**_No, no… NO!_ **

He tried to wrap his servos around his intake smother the cry because, for some reason it was still going, but his battlemask got in the way.

**_Stop! STOP! You need to STOOOOP!_ **

He shut his optics, the effort useless for how dark it was in the small berthroom he was in but it helped his frantic processor focus. He needed to open his mask, if he could not stop screaming the others would come, they would ask questions, wonder why he was so panicked…

No one could know the secrets their Prime kept.

No one could know how often he lied to them all.

How often this happened…

He needed to handle this alone.

Just like he always did.

Finally Optimus calmed enough for his jumbled command to be accepted by his wiring and he almost sobbed in relief as his mask retracted.

His servos were there in a moment, crisscrossing as they clamped around his traitorous intake. He held himself so tightly he was sure he would bruise his faceplates but, but it didn’t matter.

Just as long as it helped muffle his screams.

**_Calm, calm down… Calm down… Please, please, PLEASE!?_ **

It took a few more kliks before he had the sense to just shut his vocalizer down, his attempts to curb the terrible noises failing and suddenly only the sound of his rocking frame was heard.

**_Better, better, betterbetterbetterbetter…_ **

He rocked, rocked as his frame shook, his throat dry, feeling torn for how loud he had been earlier.

Was anyone coming? How long had he been screaming? Would they have heard? Did Ratchet hear?

**_No… No w-walls th-thick. A-activated b-buffer… W-won’t hear, they w-won’t come. It is a-alright, calm d-down… Just calm…_ **

Tears were slipping from his optics, the warm liquid pooling on top of his trembling servos and slowly dripping down them once the small puddles became too full… He had yet to release his intake, perhaps terrified that his vocalizer would miraculously come back online or…

Or maybe he just needed to hold on to, to _something_ … Something real, something other than the horrifying nightmare he had just woken from.

It seemed his medic was accurate in his concern that the events in Tarn would exacerbate his _issue_. He had indeed dreamt of what happened, dreamt of everything he had seen as well as many things he had _not_ been witness to.

Optimus’s helm fell heavily between his shoulders, the pain that his servos were inflicting upon him helping center him against the whirling storm that filled his spark. No, he had not been witness to the horrors that came as the bombs fell on Tarn but he had seen such terrible things in this war that it was not hard to imagine what occurred, or dream about it.

In so many ways seeing it all _there_ was so much worse. He had no control over the images then, no way to distract himself from the screams, no way to shut his optics and NOT see what his notably vivid imagination spread out before him…

**_F-fire… Bodies, b-blood… So m-much b-blood…_ **

He had been trapped, locked within whatever he had unconsciously decided to torture himself with or…

Or maybe it was what Primus himself wanted to see?

**_Primus… Oh Primus what have we done? What… What have we… How could I fail so terribly? How, how could I allow this to h-happen?_**

His tremors began to calm after a time, his optics hurting for how tightly they had been shut but still he could not let go of his intake. The screams were still in there, he couldn’t trust his vocalizer to not activate on its own and he, he _needed_ the pain.

The Prime’s scarred digits dug in deeper, forcing more coolant to roll down his feverish faceplates as agony rippled along his lower jaw… But still he held on.

**_Screams… S-So many… So many little v-voices… Burn, burn… Everything… Ohhh, and then M-Megatron…_ **

As terrible as his nightmare had been, the destruction of Tarn playing out before him over and over again, the thing that stuck with him at the end was when he had discovered Megatron at the end.

Optimus had found the mech at some point after the bombs fell for a fifth time in his dream. The world blazed around them, death cries filling the air, and there Megatron stood in the center of it all.

Seeing the warlord alive had been a shock and Optimus had nearly run to the mech in joy, something he did far too often in his dreams… But he found himself frozen as the silver mech turned to him and his optics met Megatron’s.

They were blue, blue like they were in so many of the other dreams he had when he… When Megatron was, _different._

“ _Why?_ ” Megatron or, or was it Megatronus, had asked him his voice broken with static, so quiet and yet booming at the same time.

Optimus had opened his intake, a thousand words whirling through his processor and yet, not a one made it to his lips.

He had no excuse, there was no excuse.

There would _never_ be an excuse for something like _this_.

The silver mech’s optics flickered a bit, their cerulean light a beacon against the red of flames and Optimus felt almost bewitched by the storm he found in them, the power, the sadness…

It was so familiar.

 _“Why Orion? Why them? What possible reason could exist to permit such devastation of our people?”_ The larger mech pleaded tears falling from those haunted optics. Each drip reflected the destruction that surrounded them, encapsulating the chaos in one perfect little sphere.

“ _Y-you.”_ Optimus had answered, his voice a raspy whisper. _“It, it w-was to get to y-you.”_

The other mech had stared at him numbly for a klik, both of them frozen in horrified silence before Megatron shook his helm in disbelief and scanned the ruins once more. Optimus had just stood there, the screaming slowly falling away as the victims around them either lost strength or hope for rescue…

**_Or d-died…_ **

Finally Megatron turned back to him and the Prime had felt his spark clench as he found himself now facing the raging crimson optics he knew far better than the blue. The silver mech didn’t speak at first, he merely stared at Optimus, stared at him as buildings crumbled and the world burned and then…

Then he smiled bitterly and gestured around himself. _“Congratulations Optimus Prime. To the victor go the spoils.”_ He spat, his servos rising to his chest plates and pulling open his spark chamber.

Optimus had panicked. _“NO! No PLEASE MEGATRON! I don’t want…”_

“ _ARRRRRRGH!”_ The warlord bellowed as he curled his clawed servo around his own spark and with one hard pull, ripped it violently from his chest.

There were sparks, the precious ball of energy flashing rapidly as Megatron fell to his knees and held his spark out to Optimus with trembling servos. “ _Your t-trophy…”_ He grated out, his voice failing him as his frame began shutdown.

Optimus ran to him, scrambling over the rubble until he fell onto his knees before his nemesis. _“Please, please no!”_ He begged, placing his servos over Megatron’s as he desperately tried to push the dying mech’s spark back into its chamber.

Megatron scoffed weakly at the Prime’s attempts, his smile changing a bit and the bitterness leaving it as he stared down at Optimus. _“I-ironic n-no? I g-gave this s-spark to you once b-before and y-yet when you b-became I Prime I s-stole it back… H-How strange th-that it s-should be r-returned to you in s-such a way.”_

Optimus sobbed, his helm rising and wet optics meeting Megatron’s once more. “ _Megatron please… I, I don’t want it. Not like this…”_ He whispered, his spark pulsing hotter with every fading flash of Megatron’s.

The silver mech groaned, his frame tipping forwards but Optimus caught him, cradled him close to his own chest…

Too close for such an enemy.

Crimson optics met blue, the spark between them nearly extinguished…

_“H-how did we g-get here, O-Orion?”_ The warlord whimpered, his free servo rising to the side of Optimus’s helm, gently cupping it as he smiled up at him.

 ** _I… I am n-not Orion. Not anymore…_** The Prime had thought, now as in the dream and yet, the agony in his spark at seeing Megatron like this, seeing him fall, watching his spark go out told him otherwise.

 _“I don’t know…”_ Was how he had answered, shutting his optics for just a moment, flashes of memories passing before him. They were too fast though, too obscure, too far to cling onto, as they always were but in dreams, and by the time he had the sense to give up on them and look back down Megatron was…

Was…

**_Dead._ **

**_He… He is gone…_ **

**_Megatron is… Oh gods… OH GODS! WHHYYYYY!?_ **

**_NO! NOOOO! NOOOOOOO!_ **

He had screamed then, bellowed madly as he shook the frame in his arms, hit it, punched it, hugged it to him but nothing…

There was nothing, nothing but his screams…

_Bzzzzzz!_

_Bzzzzzz!_

Optimus’s optics creaked open as his radio began buzzing in his audial, his already heavy spark growing heavier as he realized what that meant.

It seemed they had finally arrived in Iacon, they were finally home.

**_H-home… Iacon is not my home._ **

**_I have no home._ **

He painfully unclenched his servos from his faceplates, each joint clicking in protest for how long and tightly they had been set in that position and his battlemask slid into place.

It was time to be a Prime.

He reached up to his helm, clicking the call button there only to remember his vocalizer was still shut down and he quickly sent the commands to reconnect it.

**:Prime, this is Prowl. We have arrived in Iacon sir.:**

**:Ve*ry…:** Optimus coughed, clearing the static from the abused part before he tried again. **:Very good, thank you Prowl.:**

Silence filled his audial for a moment and he took that chance to unfurl the rest of his aching frame from the ball he had curled into. His limbs protested as well and the Prime wondered how long he had been awake, how long it had taken to calm himself…

He needed to work on that.

 **:Sir are you well? You sound rather, _gruff_.: **Prowl’s worried voice inquired and Optimus sighed.

He loved his crew, he truly did, but sometimes they were too damned observant.

 **:A difficult recharge but I am fine.:** He answered simply, hoping that would be enough to quiet the questions.

Luckily Prowl wasn’t nearly as invasive about things as Ratchet was and the mech happily moved on. **:Understood. Senator Ratbat and Commander Sentinel are at the docking bay. They wish to speak with you before we depart the shuttle. I believe they also wish to see Megatron sir.:**

A low growl escaped the young Prime, of course it needed to be Ratbat that met with him first.

Out of all of the senators, Optimus had a grave distaste for Ratbat. Not only was the mech obsessed with power, especially his own, but he also had an unhealthy fascination with the Matrix.

Ratchet theorized that the Senator was so obsessed with it, and consequently Optimus, because he wanted the relic for himself but Optimus wasn’t sure if that was all of it. Many senators, many bots wanted the Matrix of Leadership but Ratbat was the only one that…

**:Sir?:**

Optimus shook his helm. **:I understand Prowl. Send them to me once we dock. I will be in the holding area.:** He answered, closing his optics and leaning his helm back as he mentally prepared himself for the day.

**_I can do this. I must do this…_ **

If the dream was a precursor on just how badly things were going to go today, the Prime knew he would need to focus more than ever.

**:Understood sir, Prowl out.:**

Sighing once more Optimus opened his optics and made his way over to the small desk that sat next to the door. There were a few items on the desk, a datapad he always carried, a half filled cube of energon. and an unusual but exceptionally important device.

His sound buffer.

His servo reached out to turn off the piece, grateful as ever that he had had the sense to turn it on before he fell to recharge. It was sadly a common practice now, making sure to set up its range to fit whatever room he occupied to rest.

It was useless in the field but so far he had been lucky enough to not have dreams out there, or nightmares.

He frowned as he reached out noticing how his digits still trembled, that was unsettling. In fact, they were shaking so badly that he couldn’t get a decent grip on the buffer’s switch.

**_Gods, I… I need to keep it together. I need to stay on target. Get through today, keep the survivors safe, and then…_ **

“I don’t _know_.” He whispered, his optics dimming as he eventually grabbed the tiny device and shut it off with a huff.

Today was an unknown, a day where his people would be celebrating in the streets, where many would rejoice in what they would interpret as the end of the war but, for the lost Prime today…

Today was merely a testament to how poorly he had failed.

He subspaced the trinket and everything else on the desk, swallowing hard as he walked over to the door and opened it.

Time for his first test of this wretched day, facing Megatron’s grey frame once again…

 ** _Primus… Help me, please?_** A silent prayer before he was on his way, on his way to what would probably be one of the hardest days in his life…

Well, one of those that he could still remember.

**_…………………_ **

**_Arrgh, why is it so cold on this shuttle!?_ **

Megatron shifted against the wall he was leaning on, his little frame aching after being curled up on the floor for breems and shivering for the chilled air but, he had no desire to move from his uncomfortable little hideaway.

His, now green, optics were dim with exhaustion. He had not slept at all on the ride to Iacon and as the ship’s engines began to change in both speed and volume he knew his journey was almost at an end.

 ** _We are here._** A growl escaped him at the thought, its sound so alien sounding and yet achingly familiar.

 ** _Stardust… I am so sorry._** He shook his helm, lifting it to the two tubes that glowed before him in the small room and was greeted with a sobering, if not eerie sight.

There he was, or at least his frame, emptily staring back from the liquid it now floated in.

He had found this room entirely by accident, one of many he had discovered on his infuriated journey through the Autobot shuttle. He had started the venture blindly, avoiding any crew members and just moving lower and lower in the ship until he could go no further.

He had stood at the docking doors then, staring angrily at them, wondering what the Autobots would do if he were to force the doors open mid-flight.

Optimus was an _idiot_ to allow him access within the ship, the chaos he could cause astronomical if he wanted it to be but he had surprised himself by _not_ taking advantage of the Prime’s misplaced trust _._ It wasn’t like he would get much out of the act anyways.

He was outnumbered here, he had no weapons and neither did Stardust’s frame. Causing trouble on the ship would most likely end up just causing more trouble for himself so… So instead he had sighed and ambled miserably back through the lower level of the shuttle, opening doors along the way to find a place to recharge.

The first few he had opened had held basic supplies; blankets, empty cubes, some tools. He grabbed a few screwdrivers and subspaced them. They weren’t much for weapons but were better than the oppressive _nothing_ he had now. The next doors he opened turned out to be empty berth rooms. He found nothing useful in the bare rooms, not even a decent berth he could lie in so he had moved on with a snort of disappointment.

A few of the doors on the lower levels were locked, probably where the weapons and fuel were kept. He had half a processor to attempt to break in with the tools he had acquired earlier but thought better of it as voices neared from further down the hall. The last thing he wanted was to be caught sneaking into the weapons room and be chained to the med bay, so he abandoned the idea swiftly.

Growling he had jumped to the next unlocked room and jumped inside, closing it directly after he entered so not to be spotted by whomever was walking around outside when… When he noticed a odd green glow illuminating the room from behind him.

Thus leading him to discover his and Starscream’s frame, all by mistake. Convenient if not unnerving.

It was strange that _this_ door be unlocked but he supposed they did not think either he or Starscream would be able to somehow lug the massive life pods out so, it made sense somewhat.

Discovering the tubes had surprised him at first, his optics going wide as he stared numbly at his old frame, not just because of how odd it was to see himself outside of _himself_ , so to speak, but that the Autobots were keeping his frame this way was… Unexpected.

Why not just throw him in some box? Why repair his frame, as they clearly had, and then place it in nutrient based fluids that would keep it from rusting?

Were they planning on using his frame for more than just a trophy?

The warlord had been furious at first, almost unplugging the pods so that those Autobot bastards could never utilize his frame for untoward practices, or testing, or whatever they might be planning for it but, he also realized this helped him as well.

If his frame did not rust to scrap he could maybe return to it one day, return to it, and respectfully bury poor Stardust’s with honor.

He had found a dark corner of the room after a while, deciding to stay there rather than next to that infernal Starscream…

He didn’t want to explain to the mech how terribly he had failed when it came to Optimus. In fact, he didn’t want to face what had occurred with the Prime at all because if he did, that raised far too many bad memories and far too many questions.

Why had his memory files activated? Why had he said those words to that wretch? Why had he touched him!? Why did he even think to try and play with the feckless bastard!? WHY DID HE SEE ORION!?

“Arrrgh, I need to get out of here. I need to get to my Decepticons before Starscream does.” He muttered to himself, his soft voice again taking him off-guard and he growled deeper for it.

He was appreciative to be alive, absolutely. He was even more appreciative for Stardust’s sacrifice, no matter how sick she had been but…

But he felt, _off_.

He knew he was more than just a frame, he knew it was still _him_ inside but he would be lying if being in this frame didn’t make things more difficult and… And something else.

It was something he didn’t quite understand in the beginning and genuinely shocked him when he realized what was bothering him so badly…

He felt _vulnerable_ in this frame.

The realization had come earlier as he was staring at his old self, his little servos pressed against the crystal tube longingly. He was so immense before, monstrous even, and though he had _known_ all these things while in that frame looking up at it now, waaaay up, it just solidified his growing sense of inadequacy.

He had never been this small before, never had to look up to meet another’s optics! He had been the one to look down at them! He had always been one of the tallest mechs in a room, the strongest, the most feared…

Yes, he still knew how to fight, still knew how to kill but now, now he just felt... Well, vulnerable.

**_Damn all of this…_ **

The warlord rubbed his arms uncomfortably such small, smooth arms. He missed his frame. He missed its size, its spikes, its claws… He was so close to it and yet so far, it was maddening!

 ** _Arrgh, it doesn’t matter what frame I am in! I am still dangerous!_** He told himself, something he had been repeating over and over again but honestly, was he?

Even Starscream towered over him now, Ratchet… And then there was _Optimus_.

His jaw tightened as he remembered facing off against the Prime and yet, for all his fury and rage he barely came up to the mech’s chest plates!

**_Maybe I have been relying on my size for too long? Perhaps it will be useful to utilize my other attributes while being his prisoner, like my processor…_ **

**_If that isn’t broken as well… Damnit…_ **

If his frame’s size worried him, those helm aches terrified the warlord.

He had no warning of when they would hit, had no understanding of their cause, and every time they happened he seemed to wake up a little less… _Him_.

Now, was he certain he was losing himself? No.

No…

**_NO!_ **

Buuuut… He did feel different and he couldn’t ignore that. Like the last time the attack occurred he… He…

He had let Optimus hold him!

He…

He had even wanted him to…

 ** _NO! No I did not! It, I was exhausted and in pain and it was better than being dropped on the floor!_** His servos held him tighter, his digits digging into his weak plating so tightly it bent…

He was bending his own plating! How, how would he defend himself with this FRAME!?

How could he do ANYTHING with THIS!?

He was supposed to be the protector, the fighter, WARRIOR!

How could he do those things like… Like _this_?

_Drip…_

Megatron’s optics bulged as a light sound was heard and he fearfully looked down to find a single tear rolling down his leg.

He was crying, crying AGAIN!

**_ARRRRRGH CURSES! Alright, calm down! I… I need to think! Maybe those glitches are the cause for all of these… These wretched emotions? Perhaps that is why I feel vulnerable? Why I feel weak, why I am scare…_ **

He froze, his vents stuck in his chassis as he realized what he had almost admitted to himself.

Was… Was he, Lord Megatron, actually…

Actually…

**_NO! No! I am fine, ARRGH! It is this accursed frame that is doing this to me, that and those glitches! Argh, I need my FRAME BACK!_ **

He was growling again, in that pathetically soft way when he suddenly heard a beep come from the doorway and he panicked.

Someone was at the door and he had been so invested in his own fea… _Concerns,_ he hadn’t heard them approach!?

WHAT. THE. _FRAG_!?

He had no time to run anywhere so instead he scrambled back further into his corner, covering his intake with his servos as the door slid open and a massive shadow appeared on the floor.

A massive and very familiar shadow…

 ** _Magnificent… Just what I need!_** Megatron snarled silently as none other than the _fragging_ Prime walked inside.

He curled in tight, actually grateful for the small frame he possessed as the other mech slowly made his way to the tubes. 

**_What is he doing? Come to gloat, to revel in my destruction!?_** The warlord wondered, but his fury was quieted as the Prime sighed and walked unsteadily towards his pod. **_What is he doing? Why is he walking so oddly, was he injured?_**

Oblivious to the emerald optics that studied him furiously from the corner Optimus stumbled deeper into the room on weak legs. **_I feel sick…_**

He was proud that he had made it here without collapsing, even if he had to walk slower to keep himself upright. His earlier nightmare had taken its toll on him and continued to plague his thoughts, Megatron’s words still ringing in his audials but, he needed to push through.

He was the Prime, he was the example, he… He needed to be strong.

The young Prime had nodded and greeted his waking crew as he wove his way through the shuttle, pleased to find them all working hard for their arrival in Iacon.

He really did have a team to be proud of and… And he would make certain they were proud of him to.

Or try to at least.

It was going well, his awkward and agonizing journey until he made it to this dreaded chamber and opened its doors…

**_Megatron… Oh Primus, look at you._ **

He felt numb, his knees nearly collapsing a few times in his approach of the glowing cylinder but he had made it. He swallowed hard, his optics set upon Megatron’s black ones as his servo lifted up and pressed against the crystal in front of him.

He couldn’t move.

Couldn’t speak.

He just stared.

Stared at the mech that had hated him, hunted him, loved…

“Ohhhh…” A strangled whisper as his helm fell forwards, the cool surface of the tube a relief against his fevered plating.

It was a weak look, a traitorous one as well but, but not so long from now he may never be this close to Megatron again, may never see him again but on posters, on holovids where bots celebrates his demise over and over…

And over…

That hurt.

That hurt more than he ever would have realized so… So he took this moment, took this moment to allow himself to say goodbye.

As the Prime leaned against the glowing cylinder, Megatron glared at him from his hiding spot.

 ** _What are you doing Prime? Pretending to give a frag? How wretchedly pitiful!_** He thought angrily but at the back of his helm he knew that wasn’t true, it couldn’t be because… If the Prime were putting on a show there would need to be someone else with him, someone to bask in this sickeningly sweet scene but…

For all Optimus knew, he _was_ alone.

**_So why? Why are you mourning me? Why are you even here!? I HATE YOU! I hate everything about you! If you were the dead one I would gladly cheer as I raised your helm to the sky and bellowed my victory cry…_ **

“M-Megatronus…”

The warlord froze as Optimus’s broken whisper filled the air, his optics wide with shock and confusion. He hadn’t heard Optimus ever, _ever_ say his old designation. He thought the mech had forgotten it, lost it with everything else he gave up for his wretched leaders.

 ** _M-maybe someone told him of it, told him of his traitorous past love… Of the mech he abandoned! Of the mech that had given him EVERYTHING only to have him spit on it all and leave it to burn to ASHES!_** Megatron fumed, nearly jumping out of his hiding spot and tearing the Prime apart for his pathetic cry but…

But instead he just watched, and he didn’t know why.

He watched as the servo that was pressed against the crystal tube began to tighten and shake, the Prime’s digits clawing at the glossy surface beneath until jagged gashes were ripped into it.

There were gashes and blood as the tips of his digits tore from the pressure…

Optimus reveled in the pain.

It hurt, everything hurt!

Tears stung his optics but he couldn’t let them fall, not here, not when he was supposed to loathe this mech. He needed to _pretend_ , he needed to stay _silent,_ to keep his secrets, his doubts to himself…

**_But… This may be it, it has already been IT so…_ **

Well, maybe he could break, just a little?

Just to say goodbye?

He lifted his helm, staring mournfully at the frame across from him before smiling at it weakly. “How did we g-get here, M-Megatro…” He couldn’t finish the sentence, the same plea that Megatron had asked of him in his dreams. He wasn’t even sure why he was feeding into that dream.

He had had a few by now, odd dreams that involved images, scenes he should have never been able to remember and yet, still they came.

They would haunt him, pulling at doubts, whispering to him about a different time, one he had only heard stories about yet never had any emotional attachment to and he planned on remaining detached.

He had to remain detached!

Optimus had never told another spark about his troubles, never let anyone in to help.

How could he?

What could they possibly do to help but lock him up? Take the Matrix from him? Take all his power away? In the end he didn’t know what they would do to him and honestly, was scared to find out.

He didn’t want to be locked away, how could he help anyone from a cell but… But he knew that wasn’t the only reason he kept his sins secret and the other was a far more dangerous reason…

He didn’t _want_ to lose what little he had learned of his past self.

In fact, he clung to it. He clung to all of it; the bad, the good…

He reveled in every splinter of his past that presented itself.

He didn’t want to lose the small pieces he had gathered over the last few vorns because… Only within them had he felt true happiness, only with…

With…

“You…” He whimpered to Megatron’s lifeless frame his optics shutting as he tried to keep his tears from escaping.

It was true, damning, but true…

He had only felt true happiness when he saw his old self, when his processor or spark brought up some scattered memory and every one of them was precious to him.

Precious, and terribly dangerous.

 ** _N-Not that it m-matters anymore…_** He thought sullenly, easing the stress of his servo and splaying it out over the crystal in front of Megatron’s floating helm.

None of that mattered now because the demon that haunted him was now gone, stolen from him as he knew it would be, as it should be but…

“I… I am s-so s-sorry.” He moaned, leaning his forehelm against the cool surface once more, his battlemask retracting unconsciously and he tasted the tears he could no longer hide. “Ohhhh…”

Megatron watched the Prime in dismal silence, feeling almost like he was intruding upon some precious moment that he should have nothing to do with but… But it was HIM Optimus was crying for!

He, he didn’t know what to think, he didn’t know how he felt about it, about _any_ of what he had seen and he could only guess what was going on in the Prime’s helm.

Why was he so sad? Why had he called out for Megatronus, a name he shouldn’t know nor say with such emotion! WHAT WAS GOING ON!?

His shock grew as Optimus raised his helm once more, tears dripping from both optics as he faced off against his old frame and then he moved closer, his optics shutting and…

And he kissed the surface just over Megatron’s faceplates.

 ** _WHAT!? What the frag is he… WHY IS HE KISSING ME!? M-me…_** Megatron thought franticly, reeling at the scene, his own servo gently brushing his dermas as if, as if he could feel Optimus’s kiss…

The Prime pulled back after a moment, the pain in his optics clear as they flickered and dimmed and then, he spoke. “Goodbye M-Megatron. I… I never… I wish… I lov…”

_BEEEP!_

Both Megatron and Optimus jumped as pede steps suddenly sounded out side of the room and a loud beep sounded but, as Optimus spun in fear, wiping at his faceplates and hastily activating his battlemask the warlord just, just _stared_ at _him._

 ** _What… What was he about to say? What the FRAG was he just about to SAY!?_** Megatron fumed, his spark thundering but it seemed he would not get his answer as two shadows moved into the room and a shrill and eerily familiar voice echoed throughout the chamber…

“Ahhh, Prime… How wonderful to see you.”

Megatron bit his derma as Senator Ratbat stepped towards Optimus, the bastard Sentinel right at his heel like any good _pet_ would be. **_Wretched snakes!_**

Optimus fell to a knee before the Senator. “Senator Ratbat, Sentinel.” He answered gruffly, bowing his helm low before the two bots. He heard Ratbat grunt in approval of his posture but really it just gave Optimus a moment to finish wiping the tears away.

He technically held a higher rank than the two mechs, or should have as Ratchet constantly told him, but bowing didn’t bother Optimus. He knew they liked his respect and bowing seemed to keep them from getting to nervous about his influence. In essence they saw his gesture as submissive while he used it to safeguard his freedoms, especially when it came to the people.

Of course today, kneeling felt more forced considering everything that had happened but again, at least he could clean his face.

Megatron nearly scoffed out loud as Optimus’s fell before the other two mechs. Sure, he had wanted to see the Prime fall before _him_ numerous times but that would have been the result of a fair fight, an honorable display of defeat where Optimus would accept his loss respectfully.

These two pieces of _filth_ were far, _far_ below the Prime, even Megatron knew that, plus… Seeing Optimus kneel before them it…

It _burned_.

It burned to blinding degrees.

“There he is…” Sentinel tore the raging warlord from his (possibly foolish) plans for attack and Megatron snarled quietly as the larger mech strolled up to his frame. He looked so damn arrogant, like he had saved the world, like he hadn’t needed to slaughter innocents to finally take Megatron down…

Bastard needed to die.

 ** _You are one of the first, I promise you._** Megatron thought to himself, his dermas rising in a wicked grin as he imagined just how he wanted to end the mech, but that was until he noticed Ratbat and how the other mech was now gently rubbing the back of Optimus’s helm. **_What the frag?_**

“Sentinel, please prepare the crew for departure. I would like to speak to Optimus alone for a moment.” Ratbat oozed, his voice dripping with tainted self-righteousness…

Maybe Sentinel wouldn’t be the first Megatron killed?

Sentinel bowed, smiling at Optimus’s back before he made his way to the door and left.

Both Ratbat and Optimus were silent for a moment, the only sound in the room being the soft bubbling from the pods and each bot’s vents.

 ** _What is he doing?_** Megatron wondered, his already remarkable hatred for the Senator growing by the klik, when the filth finally spoke…

“Optimus, let me see it.”

Megatron frowned at the request, not understanding what the frag the mech wanted to look at beyond him, well, _dead_ him.

Unfortunately it seemed whatever the answer was was a disturbing one as Optimus shivered a bit and lifted his helm warily to the other mech.

He looked extremely uncomfortable…

“S-Senator…” Optimus croaked out, his servos lifting to his chest yet they froze as he looked pleadingly up at the mech before him.

Megatron had never seen such a look on Optimus. Even masked the bot looked, looked fearful…

Ratbat smiled at the apprehension he saw in his Prime’s optics. “Optimus, _now.”_ He demanded but it sounded more like a soft coo, like a Carrier speaking to a misbehaving sparkling.

Megatron swallowed hard, his optics going from Optimus to Ratbat nervously. Just what the frag was this about? What was making Optimus look so meek, so young, so… So like Orion.

Optimus gritted his denta, cursing himself for not considering this to be requested of him, especially after everything that had happened before Tarn but…

At least they were alone this time.

Trembling despite himself he wrapped his digits around his chest plates, venting in deep to calm himself before slowly pulling them open…

Megatron gaped at the scene, his emerald optics nearly popping from his helm as Optimus opened his spark chamber, HIS SPARK to the filthy Senator.

**_Optimus what… Why… Why would you…_ **

Ratbat sighed. “Beautiful.” He moaned, his optics’ light nearly as bright as that of the Matrix that was now laid bare before him.

Optimus turned his helm away, shutting his optics to blind himself from Ratbat’s lustful glare. He hated having to do this.

Bowing was something small, something he did willingly most times but this… This was twisted to him. It was wrong, and so very uncomfortable but… But it had been something he had suffered through since receiving the relic inside him.

You see, his leaders told him the Matrix was not _his_ but the _world's_ and in many ways they, they were right.

The Matrix _was_ for the world, a tool to use to preserve life, protect it but because it was _not_ his whenever requested he had had to open his spark chamber to let others glance at its glory…

Even if it was set in one of his most sacred, private places...

His spark chamber.

Revealing a spark to someone was supposed to be an intimate gesture, normally only done for health reasons or out of love for another. Every other bot on Cybertron got to hide theirs away, keep it secret and special, safe…

Everyone but him.

He flinched as the smaller mech leaned closer to him, his frame’s warmth feeling more like a suffocating blanket rather than a comfort and then he heard the clink of reaching digits…

 ** _Don’t flinch, don’t pull away. It will be over soon.._** The young Prime told himself, screamed really, willing himself not to react, to not show weakness, not reveal the fear he always needed to deny he felt so, so often…

But then those icy digits were on him, _in_ him, inside his most sacred place... **_Oh gods, oh GODS!_**

Ratbat sneered as he gently caressed the orb hidden deep within the trembling youth, his digits bumping of each ring, dipping into every carved crevasse possessively. “A gift from the gods…” He whispered, his awe as apparent as his jealousy, and suddenly his optics grew sharp and he growled at the Prime. “Look at me, _vessel._ ”

Optimus had bitten his lower derma, the taste of his own energon bitter on his glossa but he forced himself to turn back to the Senator, his leader, his…

“Sir…” He answered, trying to make his voice sound strong, _sure_ but he was certain he had failed miserably at that endeavor as the other mech smirked wickedly back at him.

“You have forgotten vessel, forgotten that this, _this_ is not yours.” Ratbat hissed, his servo tightening around the relic but Optimus didn’t cry out.

He wouldn’t give the mech that satisfaction.

Ratbat’s optics narrowed as the youth remained silent. **_Such a stubborn child…_**

He tilted his helm, licking at his denta as he thought. “Optimus Prime, you only hold such a title because _we_ gave you that honor. Because we chose you and how do you repay our blessing?”

The servo inside him clenched even tighter, the digits now at the edges of where his spark lie just behind the Matrix but still, Optimus said nothing. **_It will be over, over s-soon…_**

Ratbat snarled, bringing his faceplates in close to the Prime’s. He wanted to make certain this lesson was headed. “You repay us by _defying_ us, _questioning_ us. Questioning our authority in front of your _peers._ What makes you think that is ever remotely acceptable, _vessel_!? WHAT!?”

His servo clamped down with all his might, holding tight to the relic, the gift he himself would never get wield and desired so feverishly.

How was it fair that this ignorant youngling get this power and not HE!?

Optimus gasped as agony tore through his spark, his intake open in a silent scream under his mask but he couldn’t cry out, wouldn’t let this twisted mech take, take that from…

“Ahhh…” A whimper escaped him. It was a small thing, hardly audible but the moment it fell from his bleeding lips Optimus felt his resolve begin to crumble and what was worse, Ratbat knew.

The Senator smiled, his optics bright, consuming as he stared down at the now terrified Prime. “Oh yes, there it is…” He whispered hungrily, delighting in the fear he saw dance in the Prime’s optics. “You belong to u…”

“HE BELONGS TO NO ONE!”

Ratbat yelped as a voice bellowed out from somewhere in the room, his servo immediately releasing the Matrix and wide optics looking to Megatron’s dead frame in horror but…

But the voice wasn’t from that of a mech, nor a dead one at that sooo…

Optimus moaned as he was freed, venting in as he fell forwards onto his elbows and forced air through his heated systems. He too had heard the voice but had been so locked in the pain, the fear that what was said had only been a muffled sound but the voice…

 ** _Oh n-no…_** He grunted as his helm rose, blearily staring as a small golden frame materialized from the dark corner to the right of him and his vents froze once more. **_R-Rue…_**

Megatron was _livid,_ his entire frame vibrating with the fury he had been choking down during the disgusting scene.

He had tried to ignore it, tried to tell himself he should revel in Optimus’s pain, leave him to suffer the putrid consequences of his choice, of his betrayal so long ago but…

But he couldn’t.

When Optimus simply _opened_ his spark chamber Megatron had seethed but to see that tainted monster Ratbat then place his servos inside, when he grabbed the Matrix, when he began to crush it, when Optimus whimpered…

He had seen _red_.

“Who, who the frag is this!?” Ratbat demanded of his Prime, his faceplates blushing bright blue for how he had initially reacted to the tiny femme’s oddly imposing presence. His frustration only grew as Optimus openly ignored his question, the younger mech’s optics wide and set upon the femme, her and her alone.

**_R-Rue… H-How?_ **

Shame, why did he always feel ashamed in front of Rue? Optimus stared at her, his processor reeling with questions. How long had she been there? How much did she hear? What did she think of his pathetic display? Did she hate him even more now for allowing someone to…

To…

Megatron’s optical ridge twitched as Optimus turned his helm away from him. **_He, HE is ashamed for what happened!? For what was forced upon HIM! ARRRRGH!_**

He was furious, sickened by it all but, he swallowed hard and made sure to keep his voice soft. “Optimus, close your spark chamber.” He told the Prime, a pang of pity striking him as the Prime gasped in surprise at the request.

It seemed he had forgotten he was so exposed.

Ratbat growled as his Prime immediately scrambled to do as the femme instructed. “Who, who the frag do you think you ARE!?” He snapped, stomping over to the glaring bitch. “I don’t know if your primitive processor understands who stands before you but…”

“I know who you are, _wretch_.” She spat back at him, her servos on her hips and optics blazing defiantly up at him.

Ratbat was shaking with rage. “WRETCH!? How DARE YOU talk to ME that way!” He bellowed through his panting vents. “I will have your glossa ripped from your intake you nasty little SLUT!” He threatened, his frame towering over hers and he gawked as she hissed at him and lowered herself into a fighting stance.

Was she honestly expecting to fight him, HIM!?

He chuckled darkly at the move, stopping just feet from her tense frame. “Ohh, you stupid femme. You have no idea what dark elements you are playing with here.” He told her, shaking his helm, almost pitying her for her ignorance until she began laughing back…

The femme’s beautiful faceplates twisted, her optics flashing at him hungrily. “Ohh, you stupid mech.” She taunted. “Don’t you see? I _am_ the dark element here.”

Ratbat’s smirk disappeared in an instant, his optics going wide as her pistons tightened and he began lifting his arm. **_I will blow the whore away, blow her pretty little helm right from her shoulders!_** He thought, transforming his servo to a rifle and raising it high...

“NOOO!”

The Senator only had an instant to brace himself as a massive form suddenly slammed into his side sending him and it flying across the room before crashing into the wall next to him.

“ARRRRGH!” Ratbat screamed in fury, his weapon firing but it was a wild shot as he crunched painfully into the metal wall, concaving the surface with a jagged imprint of his frame…

Only one mech was strong enough to throw him like this, would have the gall to try, and he roared with the realization. **_PRIME! How dare he do this to ME!? How dare he hurt an elected official! HOW DARE He…_**

His raging thoughts came to an end as the weight of Optimus finally lifted from his crumbled form and he whirled around, more than ready to tear into his Prime when he finally caught a glimpse of the younger mech and, he froze.

**_Wh-what… What has g-gotten into h-him!?_ **

The Prime of Cybertron rose slowly from the ground, his massive form dwarfing the fallen Senator, his shadow enveloping every inch of him and his optics…

They blazed down at him madly, their light brilliant, fierce, terrifying…

Ratbat saw death in those optics.

“You will not touch her.”

It was a demand, clearly, but the Prime’s voice was even, controlled, measured. He didn’t yell, didn’t scream the words just, just _stated_ them like any would an undeniable truth…

Ratbat swallowed painfully, his optics skirting from the demon of a Prime to the femme he protected.

Just who was this femme? Who was _she_ to change Optimus so suddenly, to rip away any hope of controlling him away, and give him the will to strike back?

**_Dangerous, dangerous is what she is!_ **

Gathering together what little pride he had left Ratbat forced himself to his pedes, relief flooding his circuits as Optimus stepped back quietly and let him stand.

He huffed angrily, his optics boring into the scowling femme’s optics until a growl escaped Optimus and he found himself unwittingly turning from her. “This isn’t over, Optimus Prime.” He snarled but his threat was lessened greatly considering he couldn’t meet the younger mech’s wild looking optics.

“Understood, _Sir._ ” The Prime answered, still in that even tone and the Senator shivered at the sound.

**_Fraggin monster. We, we need to get a handle on him. We need to get a handle on HER, whoever she is._ **

He scoffed, grimacing as he limped towards the door to the holding area… He was sure he looked just as pathetic as he felt.

Jabbing his digits against the door’s button he smiled before he stepped out of the room, a piece of information he had almost forgotten to relay giddily whirling in his processor. “Prime, once the parade has ended you are to meet in the council room afterwards. We must discuss the mission and, a few _other_ things.”

Optimus had been lost in his rage, impatiently waiting for Ratbat to leave so he could finally vent when he frowned at the Senator’s words. “Parade? Already?” He asked, more shocked about that than the meeting, he had expected the second part but to have to face the masses so soon… To have to see them reveling in Megatron’s demise right off the shuttle…

Ratbat’s smirk returned as the Prime’s confidence dwindled. “Why of course. Why wait? The citizens wish to see their greatest enemy in his defeated state as well as see the _Hero_ of Cybertron lay him at Proteus’s pedes.”

Optimus heard Rue growl from beside him but it was a soft sound compared to the hammering of his spark. “I… I am to c-carry him?” He asked meekly, his tanks bubbling sickly.

Ratbat laughed at him. “Consider the honor a gift, especially after fighting us on the mission so vehemently but, no one needs to know that. All they want is to see their beloved Prime celebrating this immeasurable victory with them. Plus…” His smile broadened and optics sparkled. “The show will help solidify support for you Prime, bolster your approval for the coming events.”

Optimus’s frowned deepened. “What event…” He started but Ratbat waved off his concern.

“It is Proteus that will inform you of all that later.” He assured him, his optics narrowing a bit as he peered at his bruised plating. “Well, after we deal with what happened here, of course, and we _will_ address this Prime. I assure you of _that_.” He promised, his optics flashing once more before he spun on his heel and limped away.

A clear vent did not come to Optimus for nearly an entire klik after the Senator left and when it did he imagined the feeling was akin to that of a drowning organic finally rising above the sea. **_Gods… That, that was awful._**

He slumped in on himself, the reality of everything that had happened pulling him back down under the waves of chaos almost instantly when he heard a snarl sound from behind him…

**_Rue…_ **

He didn’t want to turn around, he didn’t want to face her, face what she thought of him but, like always, he found himself unable to deny her commands even… Even the silent ones, and he turned.

There she stood, her frame still tense but no longer crouching, her optics sharp as they stared up at his, her dermas pulled in a tight line…

She looked outraged.

They stood there in silence; him slumped pathetically, optics nervously going from the floor to hers and she, she just resonated with power…

How could something so small be so intimidating?

“Why?” She asked him after a time, her tone not unkind but not friendly either.

Optimus sighed heavily. “Why what?” He asked weakly, staring at the ground so intensely he was sure he would burn a hole into it.

“Why would you let him touch you like that? Why would you allow his filthy servos _inside_ of you and just, just _take it_!?”

 _Now_ her tone was hateful, each word dripping with disgust and Optimus he… He felt so repulsive in that moment.

He opened his intake, preparing to tell her that he had always had to let them do that. Tell her that the Matrix wasn’t his, that he was supposed to share it with the world, tell her everything THEY had told him for VORNS but now…

Now, for the first time since becoming Prime, those reasons seemed so, so _wrong._

No, not just wrong but, but something worse. Something he didn’t have a word for but had felt every time he had had to open himself up like that, had told himself over and over again but ignored because… Because it was part of his duties!

He shut his optics, willing his racing spark to calm, his frantic thoughts to ease.

**_C-calm… Calm d-down… M-must calm… Must be in c-control, must v-vent, must b-be e-examp…_ **

“Optimus, _vent_.”

His optics flew open at the request, his intake wide as he gulped at the air like a mad mech. What was wrong with him!?

“F-forgive…” He stammered, swaying a bit on his pedes until two small servos suddenly grasped his waist and straightened him.

How was she so strong?

He looked down at her, blinking past the tears that had formed in them to bask in the emerald glow of this astonishing creature. “R-Rue… Are, are you alright?”

The femme scowled up at him incredulously before a small laugh escaped her. “You are such a fool, Prime.” She muttered but there was this glint of playfulness in her optics…

 ** _Maybe I just imagined it?_** He wondered because the longer he stared down at her the more her expression hardened and finally she scoffed at him and stepped back.

Again silence fell between them but, this time at least, it was one based on their own internal struggles and not, well everything from before.

_Bzzzzz!_

_Bzzzzz!_

Optimus flinched as his radio went off, the sound booming so loudly in the silence that even Rue seemed to notice it. “Ahh… Excuse me.” The Prime mumbled, stepping closer to the tubes as he answered the hail. **:Optimus here.:**

There was a crackle of static before Jazz’s voice filtered through his audial. **:Prime! How ya doing? Umm, so the all mighty Sentinel is requesting Ratchet head to the holding area ta apparently take ol’ Bucket… Uhh, _Megatron’s_ frame out? Says he is going for a walk or some slag? Just wanted to check on this with you cauuuse, Ah’ have no idea what the frag is going on.:**

Optimus sighed heavily, his servos scrubbing at his aching optics. **_Primus, I had almost forgotten…_**

**_Almost…_ **

His helm lifted to Megatron’s frame, the pain in his spark so much worse than what Ratbat had made him suffer through. **:Yes I… Alert Ratchet please. I will be waiting for him.:** He answered, his voice cracking a bit through the sentence but he couldn’t have stopped it no matter how hard he tried.

His comm went quiet for a bit but eventually crackled back to life. **:Prime uhh… Ah’ sent the request but… But ya don’t sound so…:**

 **:I am _fine_ Jazz.: **Optimus interrupted quickly, cringing as he realized how _not_ fine that made him sound.

**_Arrgh, I need to get a handle on this otherwise, how am I going to be able to get through today without breaking?_ **

**:Ahhh, yeaaaah. Ok. Well if that is all, Ah’ guess we are ready to depart Sir.:** Jazz answered him, his doubt blaringly clear in his tone.

 **:Very well, Optimus out.:** The Prime answered, shutting his radio off before anything else could go wrong.

“What do you intend to do with us?”

Optimus groaned at Rue’s question, glancing over his shoulder to find the femme still standing where he left her, her expression just as cold as it was before.

**_Why do I keep failing in front of her? Out of all the bots that could have seen what happened today…I would have much preferred her companion, at least he doesn’t already loathe me. Then again… She did defend me, didn’t she?_ **

He blinked at her curiously, that small insight finally settling in now that the horrors and shame had abated some.

She _had_ defended him, come out of hiding, at great risk to her own safety to, to help _him._

Why?

Why hadn’t she stayed hidden? Why had she stood up for him? Why did she care that he allowed Ratbat to touch him? If she hated him so much then, then wouldn’t seeing him in pain make her happy?

Frag, why was she still here now?

Megatron shifted uncomfortably as the Prime gawked at him, his arms crossing over his chest after a while and he snarled at the fool. “I said, what are you going to do with us during this sick charade?” Optimus flinched at his words but that stupid doe eyed look remained in his optics.

“You, you will need to be close, Rue. I am sorry.” Optimus finally answered, a slight blush coming across his faceplates after the gentle request.

Megatron scoffed. “I don’t _need_ your protection Prime, nor do I want it.” He snapped, even though he wasn’t certain about his claim but, he would never let Optimus know that.

Optimus chuckled at her statement but quickly explained himself as she bristled. “No, I… I am not laughing at you Rue. I… I know you can handle yourself, both today’s events and my still healing faceplates are proof of that.”

A small smile rose on Megatron’s faceplates. “Good, you’d do well to remember that.” He drawled, his smile growing as Optimus laughed harder after.

“I will do my best.” The Prime promised, his spark positively singing as Rue began to laugh with him… It was the first time he had heard the femme laugh and the sound…

It was one of the most beautiful songs he had ever heard.

“You are incredible, Rue.” He whispered, the words flying out of his intake before he could stop them and the change was as instantaneous as it had been every other time Rue forgot how much she _hated_ him.

Her optics blazed, a blush burning on her faceplates before she snarled at him and stomped towards the exit.

“I am sorry!” Optimus cried, reaching out for her only to have his servo smacked away.

“ _Don’t touch me_.” She hissed, spinning on him furiously and he immediately shied away.

“Forgive me! I didn’t mean… I would never touch you against your will.” He stammered, shrinking in on himself so that his towering form wouldn’t seem so intimidating and it seemed to help as her scathing expression faltered.

Megatron stared at Optimus, noting how small he was trying to appear, how quickly he had pulled back, almost with practiced ease, and his words…

Maybe it wasn’t just _him_ Optimus tried to appear small in front of but, but _everyone_?

**_But why? Why not utilize such a gift? His frame needs to be larger, he needs to be able to handle his enemies! He needs the strength to lead! So, so why squander it!?_ **

Megatron frowned as Optimus submissively slumped before him. “Why, why do you do that?” He asked, uncertain why he cared for an answer but, but for some reason he felt it might be important to know.

Optimus’s optics lit up a bit as Megatron spoke to him, evidently happy he hadn’t scared him away…

**_Pffft, as if that would happen._ **

“Do what?” The Prime asked softly and Megatron groaned.

 ** _Am I going to regret pursuing this pointless conversation?_** He wondered but trudged ahead anyways.

“Why do you shy away? Why do you make yourself so small? You are a _Prime_ and yet, instead of standing tall you, you slump.”

Optimus tilted his helm curiously. “Slump?” He asked, peering at his frame for a moment before he shrugged. “I, I suppose I… I know how large I am and I, I don’t want to scare any bot.”

Megatron barked out a laugh. “You _don’t,_ trust me.” He said pointedly yet his arrogance dwindled as Optimus looked away, a haunted look creeping into his optics.

A look that did not belong on the Prime of Cybertron.

“Rue, I may not intimidate you, and for that I am grateful but…” He sighed heavily, rubbing at the back of his neck insecurely and again all Megatron could see in that moment was Orion. “Others, so many see me as this mighty thing, like a god.”

Megatron growled. “Not everyone clearly. Especially not your _Masters_.” He spat, his tone fiery as images of Ratbat’s servos inside Optimus fleeted through his helm.

Optimus rubbed his arms uncomfortably. “I… I wish you hadn’t seen that. I am sorry.”

The warlord gaped at him. “You wish I… _Unbelievable_! Here you are nearly being molested and YOU are sorry for ME seeing it!? ARRRRRGH! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?”

Rue’s shout echoed off the walls and Optimus cursed himself for again inciting her anger. Was the only thing he could inspire in her fury?

He chewed on his lower derma. “Rue, he was not molesting me. The Matrix is not mine, I must show it whenever one might need inspiration…”

“ARE YOU FRAGGIN KIDDING ME!?”

If he thought her last shout was loud this one was close to explosive in nature. **_Arrgh, I knew I shouldn’t have told her. What must she think of me now? How foolish, how weak…_**

He vented out dejectedly. “I… It does sound foolish now.” He admitted with a small smile but he couldn’t meet her optics. “I, it is just the way things have been since I awoke. It… It is all I know. I know that is a pathetic excuse…” He added miserably, his voice falling almost to a whisper by the end.

Megatron couldn’t vent, his entire frame burning with rage, disgust, horror at what Optimus had told him.

**_They make him open his spark whenever they… They need INSPIRATION!? This is all he knows!? THIS IS WHAT THEY TAUGHT HIM!? That he is a VESSEL!? One of their TOOLS!? THIS IS WHAT THEY DID TO ORION!?_ **

He couldn’t believe he had never thought about such things before. He knew the fraggers were twisted but just _thinking_ about them taking Orion, ripping his frame from him, his memories, his EVERYTHING and then… Then gleefully filling all those holes with whatever suited them, whatever lies fit their narrative, and turning the sweet little Archivist into their war machine…

**_It is all he knows… Orion, you used to be so… So much more…_ **

“It _is_ a pathetic excuse.” Megatron finally choked out, his throat too tight to scream the words properly but, he figured Optimus had gone through enough shaming today so… So he merely muttered the words angrily.

The Prime didn’t say anything, didn’t apologize, or try and retort his claim, he just nodded and accepted his failure…

Megatron shook his helm, his tanks roiling constantly now with all he had discovered. “I… I will get ready for your _parade_.” He mumbled, walking stiffly back to the door and this time, Optimus didn’t try to stop him…

He stopped himself.

**_Damnit all…_ **

Optimus peered up as Rue paused, his optics meeting hers from where she peered at him from over her shoulder. She looked, torn?

“You said you would be a Prime I deserved, yes?” She asked, a rhetorical inquiry so he just nodded. “Well, how can you achieve that when you don’t even care for yourself, Prime?”

Optimus blinked at her, his chest tight. “I… I can’t.” He stated simply, the truth of that unassuming statement nearly knocking him off his pedes.

Megatron nodded proudly at Optimus. “Exactly.” He snapped, turning his helm away before he said his next words. He couldn’t look at him as he spoke or… Or he might never stop looking. “No one should have the right to look at your spark, Matrix or not, without your consent Prime. Do you understand me?”

“Yes...” A whisper but it wasn’t a meek one, there seemed to be determination hidden within. Determination and maybe, a bit of pride?

Megatron almost smiled. “You are the Prime, Optimus but you are not a tool and you are _definitely_ not those bastards’ tool. They cannot define who or what you are. They cannot define what kind of a Prime you are, only _you_ can. The ONLY power they hold over you is what _you_ give them and, and it seems to me like they do not have _your_ interests or their _people’s_ in mind, Tarn is proof of that.”

Optimus hung his helm, his optics burning as he nodded. “Yes, yes it was.”

“You failed them, you failed many _but_ you can either wallow in that failure or… Or let it fuel you. You chose this path…” Megatron’s voice cracked a bit, old pains surfacing as he thought of that fateful day but he pushed through them. He needed to. “You chose this path, you accepted the right of Primacy and even though you don’t remember making that choice, you had better _damn well_ make it worth the _price_ you paid.”

Optimus blinked at the femme as her tone darkened. It was almost like _she_ knew something about his past, something about what brought him to becoming Prime but that was impossible, wasn’t it?

“You have my word.” He told her, his voice strong, his resolve growing all because of this femme, this stranger who just continued to tear through his world of ignorance and decimate everything he thought he knew.

“Good.” She grunted, rolling her shoulders proudly and Optimus smiled as the move reminded him of Megatron. “I still aim to kill you but I would like to do so while retaining a little respect for you.”

Optimus chuckled at the threat. “I will do my best to make sure your kill is satisfactory.” He told her lightly, chewing on his derma contemplatively before he called out once more. “Thank you, Rue. Thank you for…”

“Don’t.” She whispered, her servos fisting at her sides, clearly uncomfortable with the praise so Optimus fell silent. He half expected her to leave, run from him like she always did but was surprised as she sighed heavily and remained. “Don’t thank me Prime, I hate you. I wish for nothing more than to be free of you but for now, that is not possible. I will be civil- _ish_ , but do not mistake me not attacking you for kindness. Right now it just happens to work out better for me that you to remain functioning. The moment that changes, you will know.”

“I know.” Optimus muttered, mentally kicking himself for hoping for anything more than contempt from the wild femme when, low and behold, another surprise came from the stubborn bot before him.

“I do however…” Rue grumbled. “I appreciate your unneeded and unwanted assistance with that filthy Senator. Unnecessary completely but… Well yes.” She muttered and then, she was gone.

Optimus stared after her, stunned by her words, just as stunned as he had been last night after the hallway and equally as lost when it came to the femme.

**_An enigma… This rebellious, fiery, savage creature… I don’t understand a thing about her._ **

And he didn’t, he didn’t know much of this new demon that now haunted him, haunted as Megatron once did but…

He wanted to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I wanna change the name for this fic, I don't like it. I don't think it encapsulates what this is about so any suggestions are welcomed? I am thinking hard on what I want it to be too so please don't get insulted if I don't pick yours? I just don't know what to call this... Hmmm...


	4. The Weight We Carry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all. I am so sorry it has been so long since an update but... But life is different now. Goodness is it...  
> Also, I must give a very warm thank you to LazyWriterLady for her numerous suggestions for the title of this story. I struggled between two titles she mentioned (they were close) but settled on Grasping Shadows. I feel it is a name that represents this story far more than Within Us and I would have never thought of it without her. So thank you!  
> Also, thank you for everyone's support in this tale. It is an AU tale and obscure yet your support has been astounding! Thank you!  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter, it is a precursor for the trials to be faced in Iacon and rather short but... Well, I shall let you decide what you think!  
> I hope you are all safe and healthy...  
> Enjoy!

**_Primus… Is this what you wanted for us? Is this how we come together again, how we find peace?_ **

**_By rejoicing in the demise of our brothers?_ **

That was the thought that echoed within the processor of Cybertron’s Prime as he and his crew prepared themselves for their departure from the safety of their shuttle’s hanger out to the thousands of cheering Iaconians that awaited them in the city’s streets. The walls of the ship trembled with the excitement outside yet there was no sense of jubilation emanating from within. The Autobot crew merely completed their tasks in silence, every one of them somber and resigned as they gathered supplies and gear, but none so much as their Prime.

Optimus stood in the center of the small space quietly giving orders now and then, helping to organize carts for transfer off the ship or asking if certain chambers were locked down. It felt like saying anything other than what was imperative was beyond Optimus today. He had no words of encouragement to share, no speeches for the victory the rest of the world rejoiced in because, in his spark, this was no great victory. To him and his crew this was a time of mourning, reflection, introspection, and loss. A loss of innocents, of sparklings, families, of Cybertronians that would not be forgotten, could not be forgotten and he would make certain of it.

**_All of this loss just to get to you, Megatron. I wonder how you would feel about that. Would you be arrogant, proud that it took so much to finally end your spark or… Or would you be just as disgusted and ashamed as I am?_ **

**_I think it would be the latter._ **

As if fate heard his thoughts the sullen Prime lifted his helm when the inner door to the hanger screeched open and he felt his knees go weak for what was revealed.

**_Primus… Primus give me strength, though I know I am undeserving. Please?_ **

Sentinel, Senator Ratbat, and Ratchet stood at the entry way; Ratbat at the center smirking like a villain from a sparkling’s tale while Sentinel and Ratchet stood at his sides. They looked far less thrilled than the Senator but perhaps that was because of the dripping frames they were holding; Starscream in Ratchet’s arms and Megatron in Sentinel’s.

Staring at his nemesis’ inert frame Optimus struggled to keep his faceplates from revealing the chaos that was currently tearing through his spark. **_Keep, keep still… Do not let them see._**

“Excellent. It appears we are almost ready.” Ratbat sneered, his smile growing as Optimus’s crew moved aside to give him a path straight to the Prime. He happily walked forwards, stopping just in front the larger mech before rubbing his servos together excitedly. “I must leave soon, I need to make it to the stage before the parade begins but I just wanted to run over a few things before I left.” He drawled, tilting his helm up just to frown when he realized Optimus’ optics were still glued on the mech’s behind him. “Arrgh, Optimus! Did you hear me?”

Painfully Optimus ripped his optics away from Megatron’s frame and lowered them to the Senator. “What is it you wish me to do, Senator Ratbat?” He asked evenly, though he was fairly certain his voice sounded a bit hollow.

Ratbat’s optics narrowed at him for a moment, each passing between Optimus’s dim ones before he sighed and waved back at Ratchet and Sentinel. “You are to take Megatron and walk him through the city. Don’t go so fast as to not allow people to bask in the sight of him but also do not go so slow that it takes to long to finish the parade. Understand?”

Spark clenching painfully at the mech’s words Optimus merely nodded. “Understood.” He muttered, his throat feeling nearly as tight as his chest.

“You will follow the path laid out and then lay Megatron at Proteus’s pedes upon the dais.” Ratbat instructed, pausing a second to make sure he still had the Prime’s full attention. “This is a ceremony of sorts Optimus. We want the people to feel… Awed, _inspired_ by the actions of its leaders. You are their Prime, one that is delivering the monster that has haunted your people for vorns to the masters he serves.”

Optimus’s optics twitched at the word master, Rue’s similar words whirling through his processor yet he remained silent and again nodded. Apparently, that pleased Ratbat even more because his smile had returned with a vengeance.

“Wonderful!” Ratbat cooed, his optics lowering to the Prime’s chest longingly before he turned on his heel and began to walk back from where he came. “You know all the rest of the details already. Just remember to the whole world is watching today Optimus. We are strong, we are victorious, and most of all, we are unified! Till all are one!”

“Till all are one…” Optimus muttered, his voice hardly audible as he and his crew repeated the cheer, but he acted the part and placed his fist against his chest as everyone else did. He was getting better and better at pretending these days…

He didn’t know how he felt about that.

“Optimus…”

Forcing himself not to flinch turned his attention to Sentinel as made his way forward with his prize. Where his spark had felt frozen before it now began to hammer madly against his chest plates. **_You can do this, you must._** Sentinel nodded to him as he lifted his arms out for Megatron’s corpse and immediately cursed himself when he noticed they were shaking. Evidently Sentinel noticed as well.

“Are you alright?” The other mech asked, his tone even and thankfully absent of suspicion but the Prime reminded himself the needed to be more careful with his reactions.

“I am tired Sentinel.” He replied, grateful that he did indeed sound just as exhausted as claimed to be. “It has been a long few days.”

The other mech hummed in agreement. “I suppose it has.” He mumbled, lifting Megatron up and gently placing him the Prime’s trembling limbs.

**_Ohhh, oh gods… Oh Primus…_ **

To Optimus, it felt like he had just been handed the weight of the world and he couldn’t even scream as he was crushed beneath it. **_V-Vent…. Vent... Gods, I c-can’t v-vent…_** His chest burned, his throat so tight he couldn’t swallow, his optics flickered madly as they scoured Megatron’s grey faceplates. He wanted to yell, he wanted to cry, he wanted to rage, he wanted….

**_NO! No I can’t! I can’t! I need to be Prime, the Prime. I need to, to… TO VENT!_ **

“Optimus?”

Strangely enough it was Sentinel that broke him from his suffocation, the mech surprising Optimus and his crew as he stepped closer to Optimus and placed a servo on the Prime’s shoulder.

“You have done well Optimus. It is the end of the war now, celebrate this moment, be proud.” Sentinel told him with an uncharacteristic smile, one that did nothing more than turned the Prime’s tanks even more so than they had been. “I know I am proud of you, as are your people. This is your moment, celebrate it.”

As Optimus remained pointedly silent after the accolades and his teammates uncomfortably waited for their Prime to respond Ratchet slowly wove his way towards the taller mech. He out of all those gathered understood, to a slightly greater degree, what today would mean for Optimus so he… He set himself right next to his leader, just in case.

 ** _You got this kid. Just answer and be done with him. You have so much more to face, don’t drop the ball in the beginning._** Ratchet silently prayed, peering nervously up at his leader when he heard a strangled, but quiet noise escape the mech. It was luckily quiet enough that no one else in the hanger would have heard it, the noise from the crowds outside the ship helped too, but it deeply troubled the already leery medic.

**_Optimus, you need to hold it together._ **

He felt awful that Optimus was shackled with this grisly task, he knew the youth was struggling with every part of what had happened so far but things were about to get so much worse, especially after they left the ship.

Sighing Ratchet raised his servo and gently touched the larger bot’s arm. “Optimus? Did you hear Sentinel?” He inquired with a laugh, hoping it would diffuse the awkwardness.

The Prime didn’t respond at first, his shame filled optics locked solely on Megatron’s faceplates. There was a desperation hidden in them, as if, if Optimus stared at the mech long enough he would wake up.

**_Damnit! What is he doing? He needs to focus on what is about to happen, not… Arrrgh!_ **

Ratchet cleared his vocalizer and stepped closer. “ _Optimus_!

That seemed to nudge the Prime from his fog and the younger mech blinked slowly before looking down at his anxious medic. “Forgive me old friend. What is it you need?”

**_OH FOR THE LOVE OF…_ **

Ratchet shook his helm. “I had asked if you heard Sentinel.” He offered with another strangled laugh, but luckily Sentinel chuckled with him.

“Do not worry medic, I know you are all exhausted.” The other bot said sympathetically before squeezing Optimus’s shoulder and stepping back. “Just make sure you get through this parade and afterwards we can all have some well-deserved rest.”

The Autobots saluted Sentinel as he left the hanger yet most of them had their optics on Optimus, something the Prime again didn’t seem to notice but Ratchet did. Angrily he handed Starscream’s frame to a less than thrilled Jazz and stomped up before his friend.

“What is everybody standing around for!? We have just kliks before those doors open damnit! Finish your duties!” He exclaimed, his curt tone and flashing optics quickly inspiring those around them to scramble and finish preparing for departure.

Once he was sure the attention was off him and Optimus he turned back to his leader and sighed. “Optimus, you need to focus here.” He said in a hushed tone so no one else could hear the worry in his voice. “We are about to step out before half of Cybertron and you can’t be staring at Megatron like some love drunk youngling!”

Optimus snapped his helm back, his optics going wide as a bright blush crossed what little amount of cheeks could be seen above his battle mask. “I… I wasn’t …” He stammered, knowing it was a weak response but…

Ratchet narrowed his optics at the youth. “You need to be on target today Optimus. You are already struggling with the Senators and now with this war being over…”

“It is not over!” Optimus interrupted with a resounding growl, his voice booming through the small space even louder than the screams outside and again everyone was looking at the pair.

**_Primus help me…_ **

Ratchet had to fight the urge to claw at his faceplates. “Well THEY think it is.” He pressed, gesturing towards the loading doors. “More importantly, the Senators think it is and they may be less than forgiving to their impudent Prime now that you aren’t leading their battles. Sooooo, I am just asking you, _begging YOU_ to get through this without trouble. GET IT?”

Optimus frowned behind his mask but before he could answer Jazz stepped in. “Hey, we got ya back Prime. We know what went down, and if something does happen just know we are gonna be all over it.” As Optimus nodded in thanks to him Ratchet nearly fluxed in frustration.

“It isn’t as easy as that Jazz and you know it.” The medic growled, looking to Prowl for help but the white mech was currently staring off somewhere behind them.

**_Fraggin useless all of them…_ **

The medic took a long vent in before turning around and addressing his fellow Autobots. He knew it should be Optimus doing so about all this slag but he figured the mech had enough weight on his shoulders.

**_Or in his arms…_ **

“Listen bots, everyone… EVERYONE is gonna have optics on us today and we know how the last meeting with them turned out.” He started, pointedly glancing at Optimus after but the Prime just continued to stare at Megatron, luckily the desperation was gone from his optics this time.

 ** _Small blessings…_** Ratchet grumbled silently before continuing.

“We need to all be focused and on our best behavior, at least for today.” He pleaded, making sure to meet everyone’s optics as he spoke. Most of the team seemed to agree, many somberly nodding even if they didn’t like having to play the part.

They all felt just as strongly about the wrongs that occurred in Tarn as their leader did but were smart enough to realize the precarious place their Prime now stood. Without a war, which had been Optimus’s sole function up until now, the Senate could easily decide Cybertron didn’t need a Prime anymore OR they could decide a new Prime was needed if Optimus became too unruly, OR…

 ** _Or so many things._** Ratchet lamented worriedly before clearing his vocalizer once more. “I know we are all feeling, _things_ right now…” He added, smiling sadly as many of the optics looking at him flickered either in anger or mourning when suddenly the sound of mocking laughter erupted from the doors Sentinel just exited through.

“Feelings things? It is a wonder you got as far as you did Autobots. Who knew such soft-plated warriors would be the ones to take down Megatron?”

 ** _Arrgh great. She arrives just in time. Damnit Optimus, why are you even letting THEM be a part of this? They should stay on the fragging ship!_**

Ratchet groaned as he turned to glare at the increasingly troublesome Rue, the femme glaring right back at him with a hateful smirk on her faceplates. “You have something to say Rue?” He asked gruffly, hoping this didn’t turn into an argument of some kind but fortunately Wreckage stumbled in front of her before the femme could snap back a response.

“Forgive her, mighty Autobots. I fear we are both nervous about what is to come.” He explained with a weak smile and small bow. The femme scoffed at his display but kept her intake shut, Ratchet was grateful for that.

Optimus slowly turned towards the two outsiders, his optics dim as he scanned over them. “You do not need to be afraid, but I do ask you stay close…” He began just to halt as Rue snarled at him.

“ _Safe_? With your kind, Prime? We will be surrounded by bots that are currently rejoicing in in the annihilation of innocents.” She hissed, her words causing more than a few optics to lower in shame, Optimus’s included.

“I… They do not know.” He told her, his voice gruff and it held an uncertainty that burned in many sparks of the bots that waited in the small chamber.

The golden femme chuckled darkly at his weak excuse. “A convenient veil to hide under.” She jeered, her optics narrowing as Optimus’s dimmed further. “You lack conviction in your plea Optimus. If you believe they would act differently were they informed, why don’t you tell them?” She pressed, the light in her optics blazing as she challenged the Prime before his followers.

Optimus’s helm jerked up at her taunt, his frame stiffening under her scathing gaze. “R-Rue I…” He started, his processor reeling over her words. He wanted to tell them, he wanted the world to know what this supposed ‘victory’ cost! They should know! It was RIGHT…

“WHOA!” Ratchet exclaimed, stepping between the two bots with a frustrated snarl. “Whoa Optimus, I know that look and we cannot start things in the street! That is a conversation for…”

“NO!” Rue growled, pushing her injured companion out of the way and stomping up to the medic just as angrily. “That is exactly where this conversation should be had!” She retorted, spinning around and facing off with all those that surrounded her. “You say you are honorable! You say that YOU are the heroes of Cybertron and yet you COWER before the Senators like dogs! You cower and hide behind their LIES!?”

 ** _Primus help me._** Starscream prayed as his leader went off on his rant. He knew today would be difficult for both of them, each needing to just go along with the show if they were ever to make it out of this nightmare but it was getting more and more difficult to do that when Megatron kept pressing buttons he had to business FUCKING WITH!

 **:Megatron! What are you _doing?_ Just shut up and let’s get through this quietly?: **He begged to his commander through their comm. **:We already know many of those outside this ship are upset with the Prime taking us in. Please, PLEASE don’t add a bigger target to our backs than there already is!?:**

Megatron grimaced as Starscream’s voice screeched inside his helm, his small frame turning on his wretched commander as he made ready to rip the mech apart right there when he finally noticed the frame Optimus was cradling and froze.

**_Gods…_ **

He had known they were going to make a show of him. That they were going to use his frame in their twisted, and gravely premature celebrations, but to see his frame, lifeless and limp in Optimus’s arms it… It was surreal, in a surprisingly terrifying way. When Starscream gasped next to him, or squealed rather, Megatron almost felt bad for the fragger for the shared shock…

Almost

Optimus noticed the two bot’s reactions and immediately felt the weight of this nightmare increase by an incalculable amount. Somberly he tried to pull Megatron’s frame closer, tried to hide it with his arms but he knew the act was useless.

“I do not wish to make this harder for either of you. I wish I could… I wish I could help more but for now things are as they are. Rue, please. It is only to keep you safe. I, I do not know what might happen today. Please, just stay with me?”

Ratchet glared flatly at his Prime after his plea. He heard a little too much sympathy and longing in the younger mech’s voice for comfort but Rue, of course, ignored his ill placed compassion and just scoffed in response before turning her back on him.

Silently swearing Starscream stepped forwards and again bowed to Optimus. “Thank you for the protection Prime. We will act accordingly.”

Optimus’s frown deepened behind his mask, his optics going from Wreckage to Rue before he nodded. “Thank you.” He mumbled, his optics flickering as they stared at Rue’s back until a _hiss_ sounded behind him.

**_Primus! It… It is time…_ **

Setting his shoulders Optimus slowly turned as the docking doors began to pull open, the suns’ light spilling in just as strikingly as the cheering from the crowds and unconsciously his arms curled tighter around his fallen nemesis.

**_Megatron… This, this might be the last I ever see of you, ever touch you, h-hold you. I… I just wonder, when the time comes… Will I be able to let go?_ **

Arms trembling and spark hammering wildly Optimus Prime stepped closer to the opened loading doors and silently made a decision. There would be a time when he would address the travesty of Tarn but not until Rue and Wreckage were safe, until his crew was safe. If he was going to challenge the most powerful leaders of Cybertron he wanted to make certain it was him and him alone that suffered the consequences for those actions. So, for now, he would play their game. He would bow when asked, he would hold his helm high, but not forever.

Those lost in Tarn deserved better, Wreckage did, Rue… His people deserved better, and he would make certain that above all else the Prime of Cybertron would take on the task of providing that truth, no matter how gruesome it may be, nor… Nor how untouchable those that aimed to hide it were.

**_I won’t let this pass unnoticed Megatron… We, we were enemies but… But I know this is wrong, as I am certain you would too. Megatronus, I am not as lost as you thought I was._ **

Little did he know that the mech he silently prayed to, the one he mourned, the one he hated and yet loved more than was morally and justifiably allowed was standing right behind him…

And he was keenly observing every move the determined, yet naïve, youth made.


End file.
